Tony;


I have a husband that has DID and is a danger to himself and can be
to others but not suicidal. My husband has one alter that I know of
that does illigal drugs and steals things from himself,family,and me.
It has gotten so bad that we both decided to just have me take over in
taking care of his paychecks because his alters can't control
themselves. I think it may just be one alter but I could be wrong.

I have experianced seeing one of my husbands alters "take out" one
and scold one other one so badly for something that alter did that
could have killed my husband that that alter that did wrong never came
out again. I call it one alter scarying another alter so badly that
you scare them right out or completely shutting them up by scaring
them to silience them.

All I know is that ever since that alter has talked with the one
that screwed up so badly it literally stopped having that alter come
out. There's one other that I have experianced that is a little child.
Old enough to talk, doesn't like light and isn't allowed to touch
anyone. But I have had a brake through with this alter. He let me not
only touch his hand but hold his hand for a minute. As well as gave me
certain info I needed. That I think might have helped a little but I
don't know because ever since I had my husband go to a therapist that
made it worse and didn't help I haven't been able to get in contact
with ANY of his alters ever since she's talked with them. All I have
seen now is our money that I have in my purse once and awhile being
stolen as well as some of my parents things. We live with my parents
if you couldn't tell. My husband will tell us one thing and do
another. We sometimes can tell when his alters are getting ready to
come out and do things but not all the time because he (this one
alter) is quite crafty. I am worried that my husband will end up in
jail for something that our system just doesn't care and doesn't want
to understand.

I read what you wrote about your wife being tormented by one of her
male alters and killing some other ones just to get back at her
therapist. I could understand how that could happen. A lot of
therapists piss off the alters instead of even bothering to help or
say they have not ever had this experiance before and telling the
people they are mentally screwing up even worse that they don't have
the quilifications for this specific disorder. In fact I had to go off
on my husbands therapist because I knew she wasn't doing anything
correctly and I knew she was using my husband for something. I went
above her and told her boss and she got fired. I feel what your going
through with your wife and watching her have to go through this on her
own and you not knowing what to do or how ot help her from your side
of it. In fact I am at my wits end because I don't know what else to
do and how else to help my husband. He just started a job and I'm not
sure when or if we will ever be good in money for me to help him get
help somewhere. I'm not saying up above that your therapist is like
what my husbands was but I have seen and heard it happen before.

As for you not knowing what the implication for one alter killing
another is but I have a thought of what it might be. I think it might
be that that alter killing off the one or more than one may mean that
hthose alters are unimportant enough to that alter or that the
therapist may have hit a nerve with that alter and pissed that alter
off so badly that to either satify the therapist or to satify the
feeling that that alter was getting just to calm itself down. Now I
look at it like this. If that alter did kill off some of the others or
just one then I wouldn't worry as much. I think that the alter would
have rather killed one of the alters in her than to kill in real life.
Even though that alter has threatened the therapist and her.

I would have to say I agree with you about your wife struggling
with some of the worst parts of her long-term abuse and coming to
grips with the huge pain that is being unearthed in her recovery
process. Perhaps she is so horrified at the realization that she is
fighting with herself to avoid it. I know that my husband is going
through that right now and just doesn't know how to help himself. The
therapists here are small pickens and aren't worth the time and money.
So I am having to look outside our state to see if and how to help my
husband.

If you would like to talk more please e-mail me back. Thank you!
And I hope and pray that you and your wife will be well and you'll be
able to help her as much as you can as her spouse. Just remember this.
For better or for worse. I like to change that or to and because it's
always going to be envitible that people get married that we will have
the better with the worse. The sickness with the health. Never give up
hope in God and in yourselves.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Heiby-Boteler