--- In mourninglossofachild@yahoogroups.com, "curran.shelly"
<curran.shelly@...> wrote:
>
> THIS IS LIVING HELL TO ME MY SON PASSED AWAY ON6-6-2007 ALTHOUGH
ITS
> BEEN SEVEN MONTHS THE PAIN HURT THE ANGER CONFUSION THE FEAR THE
> FRUSTRATION AND SOMEHOW EVEN GUILT IS ALL SO FRESH JUST AS IT WAS
ON
> THAT BLACKEST DAY OF MY LIFE
>
> A WISH I WISH I NEVER HAD TO WISH FOR........... WRITTEN BY STEVENS
> MOM DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO TRY TO FEEL FOR ALL OF US THAT HAVE
> LOST OUR CHILDREN
>
> I WISH I HAD STEVEN BACK
>
> I wish STEVEN HADNT DIED
>
> If I cry and get emotional when we talk about him, I hope you
would
> know it isn't because you have hurt me. stevens death is the cause
of
> my tears. Thank you for talking about him,
>
> Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
> shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
>
> I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
> you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I but i
> need to talk about my son,steven he's always my favorite topic of
> the day.
>
> I know that you think of me often. I also know that stevens death
> pains you too.
>
> I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months.
These
> first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand
> that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of steven
> until the day I DIE
>
> I hope you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will
> always miss steven, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
> I hope you wouldn't expect me not to think about it or to be happy.
> Neither will happen for a very long time.
>
> I don't want to have a pity party but . I must hurt before I heal.
>
> I know you understood how my life has been shattered. I know it is
> HARD for you to be around me when I'm feeling MISREABLE
> .
> So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable
and
> cranky. .
>
> Please excuse me if I seem rude, that's certainly not my intent.
> Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.
> When I walk away I wish you would let me find a quiet place to be
> alone.
> I hope you can understand that grief changes people. When steven
> died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I
was
> before he died, and I will never be that person again.
>
> I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my
> silence and my tears, my void and my pain
>
> BUT I HOPE AND PRAY EVERY DAY THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
> IT;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
> WRITTEN BY SHELLY CURRAN ( STEVEOS MOTHER )
> You have expressed so well my own feelings over loosing my son
Scott. Scott passed away May of 2004 and time does not change the
void in your life, as you said. It is good to talk about your son. I
would love to hear about your beautiful son.
I think about Scott every day. There is not a day goes by that I
don't wish I could just hear his voice, at least. He was twenty
eight when he passed away in a car accident. One that was caused by
his best friend. He was in the Navy and had served a tour in Iraq.
The relief we felt when he was out of there was short lived. My
heart aches for all parents that have lost a child. It is not the way
things should happen. Scott's Mom