THIS IS LIVING HELL TO ME MY SON PASSED AWAY ON6-6-2007 ALTHOUGH ITS
BEEN SEVEN MONTHS THE PAIN HURT THE ANGER CONFUSION THE FEAR THE
FRUSTRATION AND SOMEHOW EVEN GUILT IS ALL SO FRESH JUST AS IT WAS ON
THAT BLACKEST DAY OF MY LIFE

A WISH I WISH I NEVER HAD TO WISH FOR........... WRITTEN BY STEVENS
MOM DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO TRY TO FEEL FOR ALL OF US THAT HAVE
LOST OUR CHILDREN

I WISH I HAD STEVEN BACK

I wish STEVEN HADNT DIED

If I cry and get emotional when we talk about him, I hope you would
know it isn't because you have hurt me. stevens death is the cause of
my tears. Thank you for talking about him,

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I but i
need to talk about my son,steven he's always my favorite topic of
the day.

I know that you think of me often. I also know that stevens death
pains you too.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These
first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand
that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of steven
until the day I DIE

I hope you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will
always miss steven, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I hope you wouldn't expect me not to think about it or to be happy.
Neither will happen for a very long time.

I don't want to have a pity party but . I must hurt before I heal.

I know you understood how my life has been shattered. I know it is
HARD for you to be around me when I'm feeling MISREABLE
.
So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and
cranky. .

Please excuse me if I seem rude, that's certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.
When I walk away I wish you would let me find a quiet place to be
alone.
I hope you can understand that grief changes people. When steven
died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was
before he died, and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand my loss and grief, my
silence and my tears, my void and my pain

BUT I HOPE AND PRAY EVERY DAY THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
IT;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
WRITTEN BY SHELLY CURRAN ( STEVEOS MOTHER )