response i am not angry wiht this letter jsut a suicide surivor my son
committed suicide and YES tot his day i suffer i go with the what happened to
make my son do this i know it is not said her but i must my osn was not
selfish nor was he a coward or a chicken as some amy think i do nto know
the reasons but for what evre reason he choose this please see his web page
michaelalfredpelleriti.bravehost.com

thank you yes my son committed suicide he died like any other person that
has lost a child a death is a death, margaret


I agree with you. As much as it hurts me that my 8 yr. old son's
liver all of a sudden failed for no known reason (confirmed by
autopsy results today, though a virus is suspected), at least we know
he had no hand in what happened to his body and led to his death. I
have met many, many people since then whose children have died from
suicide and I do feel their pain must be greater than mine. Not
their loss, but their pain. I don't know what can be done to prevent
children (or adults) from inflicting such pain on the people who love
them. I have to believe their intention is more relieving themselves
of some burden rather than intentionally hurting those who love them,
but how do we as a society let them know there are so many other
options that don't carry such tragic repurcussions?

As for categories, I have my own:
1-those whose child was older than mine
2-those whose child was younger
3-those who died under different circumstances
4-those who died similarly
5-and then there's mine...those whose child was James...I feel like
I'm in a category all my own. Even my husband who lost the same
child I did could not possibly fully comprehend the depth of my
loss. It helps somewhat to be part of a community like this but I
still feel so alone.

I agree with Robin, though, in spite of my pain I want to be part of
the last third; those who go on to do something meaningful in honor
of their fallen child. My goal is to change society sooner rather
than later, so that organ donation becomes the norm rather than the
exception. I would like to see it become an "opt out" program rather
than an "opt in". In other words, if you're totally against it, you
can opt out but if you've never expressed an opinion one way or the
other, it is assumed that you are in. Right now, there are 90,000
Americans waiting for some type of organ. That is only the chronic
patients; it does not include the ones like James who suddenly find
themselves in dire need and shoot straight to the top of the list.
Many of the people on this list, like James, will die waiting. He
finally got a liver and the doctors gave him a chance, but it was too
late. That is really sad considering he was the first name on a
national list. How many hundreds of people died during the 48 hours
when it would have made a difference and yet not one organ was
donated as a result? That is more than sad, it is pitiful...

Peace to all,

Michele, Mom to James 8/14/97 - 12/15/05
and Andrew age 5




--- In childloss@yahoogroups.com, "Robert Walters" <robww@...> wrote:
>
>
> Hello Everyone and all our newest members.
> Every once in a while I stick my head out and write some
thoughts that
> may draw a lot of criticism.
> As I have said before I read each and every email that comes
through our
> group. I see all the love and support that flows through each and
everyone
> here in trying to help others deal with their loss and the grief
and sorrows
> they must endure.
> Now you must take into consideration that I am a man and not a
woman. Yet I
> have grieved and went through every single emotion each and
everyone else
> here has learned to cope with,Even to the fact of joining my son.
> Now I am really going to stick my neck out and I will probably get
a lot of
> feedback on this one.Just remember these are just my opinions and
does not
> represent those of this group.
> To each and everyone who have lost a loved one,that is a very
tragic loss,In
> my opinion though I honestly feel that we can group their deaths in
a few
> different categories.....
> 1 - Non Suicide
> 2 - Suicide
> .3and then we can group Suicide into 2 more groups - Suicide where
police or
> friends found the person
> 4 - Suicide when Family found them.
> 5 - and finally Suicide with a note left behind
> 6 - or Suicide with no note left behind.
>
> Now before you speak out think very carefully.
> DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME. Each and everyone one of us who have lost
a loved
> one no matter how or why still suffer and grieve due to the tragic
loss of
> our loved one.
>
> Now this is where I separate the above groups.
> Once again this is just my opinion,and I welcome all replies.
> 1 ,2,3 &5 Very Tragic loss - grief,sorrow,anger disbelief.
> The big difference is we know how they died and why.
> Please don't get upset I am just trying to emphasize 4 & 6.
> This is in no way trying to tell you your loss is any greater then
mine.Just
> the circumstances of what I have experienced.
>
> 4 & 6 - To find a loved ones lifeless body goes beyond all
imagination.
> With no note left behind you search for answers you will never
find.Your
> mind plays games,
> The shock of finding your loved one is magnified 10 fold.
>
> I guess what I am trying to say is I will never know why my son did
what he
> did and to find his lifeless body hanging from a tree is a sight I
will
> never forget. With no note left behind and no idea this was about
to unfold
> was even harder to cope with. I can NEVER GET CLOSURE.
>
> Those in 1,2,3 & 5 ,not taking away your grief or pain you have
closure.As
> cruel as it may sound you know how and why you lost your loved one.
No it is
> not easy and no less the pain for you.
> But that is 1 thing I will never find and believe my I wish I could
find
> closure.
>
> Ok...enough said on that.
> As far as getting easier. It has been almost 4 years,as a matter of
fact
> yesterday March 4 was 4 years since I lost my mother.I was holding
her hand
> when she took her last breadth. I knew and expected the outcome.I
did not
> mourn because I said goodbye to my mother.
> On the loss of my son was the exact opposite.For 2 years I was a
basket case
> crying uncontrollably,loss of sleep,seeing my son hanging
everywhere I
> looked.Yes I have moved on and the pain has lessened,My heart and
mind still
> yearn to see my son.But I know it will never be and have accepted
the fact
> But eh big thing I will never do is get over it.Nor will I ever
forget.
>
> Time does lessen the pain for most of us.Not overnight or in months
but in
> years.
> Sorry If I rambled and I hope and pray that no one takes offense
and what I
> write.
> Rob
>








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