First I want to say thanks to Nancy who wrote some wonderful things today, to a
lot of us in this support group! And I really liked some of the quotes.
It has been a very long, bumpy, dusty, dirty nasty road thus far! I continue to
trudge thru and hit every pot hole along the way. I feel 'I'm doing ok" when at
times I know this is only the start of what is still coming. I worry about how
my hormones will be changing my emotions through this grieving process. I wonder
how I will be a mother again to a new and different child that is not my Kyla. I
wonder how I've survived this long, this well. Though it really isn't long at
all. I have experienced grief before, with the loss of my 'young' mother 7 yrs
ago. I know the ups and downs of it all. But nothing ever prepares one to lose
their own child, nothing! And I agree, the 2nd yr is harder. Others think you
are 'over it' or 'doing better' and that it's been 'some time' The support tends
to fall away. People move on, and you are left to still ponder this horrible
nightmare that taunts you when you are awake!
these are just some thoughts I wrote:
I don’t even know what this is

This awkwardness

Floating

That lifts my mind away.

There is a light on but I am walking in the dark

What happened?

Where did everybody go?

I know they can see me,

I’m stumbling, falling

Into the darkness.

Is anyone reaching?

I don’t know

I fail to see anything, anymore

Do they think it’s over?

Are they too blind? Do they not see me?

This is only the beginning.





Come lift me up and take me away.

I need a break from the good things that happen

It is not right

I miss her

I must still be aloud to miss her!

I want to hide

Weep for her.

But they see me smile, and think I’m ok

I’m never really ok.

We continue to go on, and on, and on..

But the sadness has only really begun

I carry this new life Will I give birth?

Will it live? For how long?

Will I get to be a mother again? I am a mother now, don’t you see?

A childless mother.

Why won’t you remember her with me?

She is three tomorrow.

Doesn’t anyone else care?

Maybe everyone is afraid of me.

They pull away.

I need them closer

I really just need a break.



Where do we go from here? Oddly, just now, I got the call from the coroner. He
tells me the state hasn't still come up w/a cause of death for kyla! and that it
usually takes about a yr. Well, it is 9mos today. The man said he saw me on TV,
the paper. That he'd send me a copy as soon as it is sent to him. This is just
all too weird. I never even got her birth certificate, much less the death
certificate. And I'm asking for the coroner report?

Anyway, I think I am still on this mission, to help save others. I just feel
that I do may need a break from everyone for a bit. I thank you all for
accepting that. And I know you will continue to be there for me. I hope that in
ways I'll continue to be here for all of you who lost someone to drowning.

I will attend this support group tonight, and I think it only makes me sadder.
But they say it's good to set aside time to grieve. And since I rarely feel the
opportunity to do so, maybe this is the place to just let go?

I thank all of you for standing by me..

Thinking of you,

All my luv,

~Peace~Sarah
We Did It! Baby due: Feb 11th! Visit pregnancy journal:
http://www.caringbridge.org/al/kyslilsibling/
birthday/weight/length poll: www.expectnet.com game name: 'makeurguesses'
Baby Name Poll: http://www.babycenter.com/babypoll/5AVZ
K.Y.L.A. FEST/NATIONAL WATER SAFETY & REMEMBRANCE DAY~ JULY 19TH!
www.mfwsc.com/kyla.htm

ILM: Kyla Theresa: born:7-25-00/Drown:10-8-02/Died: 10-24-02
visit her: http://www.mfwsc.com/inmemory.htm
K.Y.L.A ~KEEPING YOUR LOVED ONES ALIVE!
MSN support group: http://groups.msn.com/Kyla


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