Hi Karlene,
I was touched reading about your son. I lost my adult son too also 2 years ago.
He was 27 years old when he died. How old was your son? I want to write more
about my baby later, just wanted to send you a cyber hug and tell you to hang in
there. When my son died I started to paint again, I never did much but it was
something I shared with my son so I started to do it as well as join a grief
support group here in Los Angeles. I think it has helped me to feel a connection
with him, don't know, but I do know that my life has changed and I don't know
how to fix it. I told my group one day that if I had the choice of never having
gave birth to my son or having him and losing him, then I would chose to have
him, even with all the pain, he was my joy, my oldest, my love. How did he get
into the circus business, tell his story, I would like to get to know him :), if
you don't mind. Do you have any pictures that you can paste in the group folder.


Glory



----- Original Message -----
From: karlene randall <mailto:hairball05f@...>
To: mourninglossofachild@yahoogroups.com
<mailto:mourninglossofachild@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2003 11:19 PM
Subject: Re: [Mourning Loss of a Child] email members!


Stephanie,
My name is Karlene Randall and my email is karlenerandall777@msn,com
<mailto:karlenerandall777@msn,com> or hairballo05f@...
<mailto:hairballo05f@...> . We lost our son in 2 years ago this month
(23rd) in Taiwan where he was working for a circus doing an act called the
"Breakaway Pole" He was our oldest child...and the people running the circus
and some of the people there in Taiwan wanted us to send them a power of
attorney granting them the right to "pull the plug", harvest and sell his organs
and cremate him right there in Taiwan. We were blessed to have a church family
who made sure we had tickets to Taiwan so that we culd fly there and BRING OUR
SON HOME TO THE USA WHERE HE WAS BORN!!!! although they tried to make us pay
$20,000 (yes you read right) in order to do that. What was already the worst
scenario we had ever been through in our life was made even worse....it was
living Hell and still haunts us to this day. I am not over the pain and I will
NEVER be over the pain. It HASN'T and WON'T get easier for me. The person who
was "pulling the pin" was drunk the night before and made a horrible mistake
that ended in the death of our child.The owner of the circus didn't purchase the
insurance that our son had ALWAYS bought without fail before....and it causes a
severe hardship for us....which only adds to the pain. I will never hold my
child again, kiss him again, make his favorite dessert just for him hear his
voice buy another present for him, I will never receive another birthday card or
Mother's day card or phone call again. There is absolutely nothing that will
ever fill that hole in our hearts. The best advice I can give ANY parent is to
hold your children, love your children and be there for them EVERY SINGLE DAY
like it was your last. It just might be your last time. I joined this group
about two years ago...I seldom post (I think this is the 2nd time) but without
fail I always come to read the emails and read the poems and the little cards
and angel messages that are sent. Sometimes it is the ONLY thing that gets me
through the next ten minutes of the day. My heart breaks at EVERY single story
I read....and when someone tells of losing their child I truly understand their
grief. I miscarried twin boys 20 years ago....so I have felt the pain from both
ends. From the beginning and after you have put years of thought and love and
sweat and tears and work and more love into shaping your child to be a good
citizen and worthwhile person to society.One type of losing takes away your hope
and the other takes away your joy...they both take away happiness and your
sanity at times, and both leave you with an awful sense of emptiness and
heartache. People don't know what to say to you and sometimes say hurtful
things like you can always have another one....(as if ANYTHING could replace
the child you just lost..a.they are each INDIVIDUALS) or time will heal your
pain and it will get better...(Maybe it has for some people,,,,but I haven't
been one of those people so far and neither has my husband) some people just
ignore the fact and act like you are just too emotional and some people just
avoid you like the plague. Your age makes a great difference as well. and I
could go on and on...but I won't. I will say this, the only thing that gives me
hope is that I know our son was a born again Christian...and I know that SOME
day I will see him again. Some people even think that is corny. Here in this
group though you will note that there is a DEFINITE belief in God and the
hereafter. It is all we have to hold on to. You may contact me if you wish by
using one of the above emails. SIncerly, Karlene
Stephanie M <tigereye511@...> wrote:I would like to be able to email
members- thank you!


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