Hello Paul,

It was good to meet you and Kitty at the IABG and I am sorry to hear of her
relapse. I'm sure that as she was balanced before, it won't be long before
she finds that balance again. Finding help in your struggle is primary and
of course you must look after yourself and her first. I'm sure we will be
hearing from you sooner than later as things return to 'normal'.


Good luck and take care.

Kevin


[Thanks, Kevin ....but I didn't have a relapse. What you saw in Cambridge at the
very end on Tuesday was just the beginning...Maybe I should start from the
beginning.

The trip to UK for the IABG Conference and then a week's visit w/ my sister and
her husband was to be a nice get-away. It would have been too if not for the
lack of good sleep on the weekend before (construction on the house next door
both Saturday and Sunday morning when we'd only gone to sleep in the wee hours
as is our ususal), a sinus head cold immediately following with more poor sleep,
the red eye flight on which even though I had stretch our room, 2 women insisted
on a non-whispering conversation until I finally asked them to keep their voices
down. So by the time we reached my sister's the morning of the day before the
conference I was sleep deprived. That night I didn't get very much sleep since
we were in a jet lag situation even with a very brief nap (Paul slept better)
that afternoon before we picked up the car to drive to Cambridge.

Now I like thought-provoking, even stimulating conferences, but the IABG 10th
Congress was jam-packed and totally insufficient in rest periods and scheduled
opportunities for exercise and/or relaxation. There were many other bleary eyed
individuals in attendance because I saw them - some even were asleep during
several presentations. Others just absented themselves mid-day for a rest. I
tried to attend all sessions each day at first but by Sunday I was taking a nap
in the afternoon for a couple hours because the sleep I was getting at night was
so bad. Part of the reason was that the supper was at 8:30 pm (yes, you read
that right those others than Kevin who was there), and after a full
afternoon/evening of presentations. For other non-attendees, the poster
sessions were only *after* supper. Spending some time there reading, listening,
and conversing easily went on to 11 or midnight. If I'd slept the night through
to 6:30 or 7:00am (breakfast was at 7:30) would have been fine, but I didn't.
Sometimes I was awakened with the shouts of noisy street folks, other times it
was just my own mind awakening me for who knows what.

By Monday afternoon I could no longer even nap in the afternoon - my mind just
would not shut down; I knew I was in mania - I had been there before.

The end of the conference was Monday evening and had there been some real
physical outlet, I might have been able to recover. However, it seems that the
idea of "revelry" was a bit of extra wine and a bunch more time for conversation
(very interesting I will add). Where was the dancing?? I would have benfited
from some high energy dancing after all that mind bending and strategizing.
There was none and I don't think I slept much that night again. The "punting on
the Cam" was an interesting event with a long heritage, though Paul introduced
his own Canadian "improvment"- I hope to get the photos up before the end of the
year - and the extended punt upstream to a small pub for lunch taken by a few of
us (don't remember you being there, Kevin). An even smaller number of us filled
2 small tables at the Eagle Pub in Cambridge (very Englishy) for some supper and
I purposely took a glass of red wine hoping I'd sleep on the drive back to
Blackburn where my sister lived. Unfortunately, the roads in the Cambridge area
are not that easy to follow at night and I didn't feel relaxed to let Paul
manage on his own; in fact I stayed awake the 3.5 hours back - 2:05 am when we
pulled in next to their house.

Well, it was downhill from there, getting virtually no sleep and Paul not able
to obtain sufficiently strong over the counter or health food items to get me to
sleep. I had Dalmane in AZ, but it did me little good there. Even the kava-kava
I had in Toronto was unavailable in the UK and all of the EU it seems. So Paul
on Wednesday afternoon made the decision and incurred the expense for cutting
our trip short to get me back to Toronto where he could first get me to the
kava-kava and then to a doctor who would prescribe Dalmane. Actually I didn't
understand this at the time and thought I had done something wrong; I was in a
real panic state as we manuvered in the Manchester airport (thankfully it was
not Heathrow). The panic was worse on the plane as I really had a great fear
that some harm was going to come to me; I felt like I was Frodo, carrying a
great burden while being in great danger. The attendents were able help Paul by
obtaining a sedative from their medical bag after obtaining the assistance of a
physician onboard and conferring to another on the ground. I actually slept the
entire taxi ride home from Toronto's airport and then another 4 hours.

From my small supply of Lithium Carbonate at home, Paul gave me 3(or 4) 100mg
capsules and then made arrangements for me to see the general practictioner he
had used on a few occasions and I had seen the preveious year (he's also listed
as a LEF life-extension physcian) with the intentions of getting a sedative for
sleep. Well, this fellow just would not write a prescription; I remember
distinctly that he would not meet my eyes when I asked why he would not write a
prescription but rather insisted that I see a psychiatrist. Paul was very angry,
but I was "with it" enough to just agree to see the psychiatrist, a referral
being the first choice. Instead it turned out that wouldn't work as expected and
so we went to St. Michael's Hospital the next day. Even the physician here
would not prescribe a sedative and would only give Paul prescriptions for
lithium carbonate and anti-psychotic meds which did not immediately set my mind
for sleeping.

So Paul had several days and nights where I was not the Kitty he knew. I
remember only vaguely trying to solve my Nth dimensional problem and later found
that I'd broken the legs at the foot of our water bed (bent greatly but still
supporting the bed), torn clothes, rearranged my dresser contents, and tangled
jewelry. He had a very difficult time one afternoon when on a walk I wanted to
closely inspect a bike cover and Paul did not know what I was doing. He wanted
me to return home and I was not completely cooperative; in fact I didn't want to
reenter the building at one point and Paul pulling me up the side steps had
caught the attention of a concerned citizen that he was witnessing some abusive
action taking place and was in the midst of cell-phoning someone (?police) when
Paul succeeded in getting me in the door.

I don't remember everything that happened those 2 weeks form 9/28 to 10/12 but I
am grateful that Paul was determined that I not be hospitalized and would do
what it took - spend the enormous amounts of time and personal energy - to keep
me safe but at home. He's quite a guy. He didn't understand everything that was
happening to me in my mind and was even frightened near the end that maybe I'd
never be myself again. He was obviously exhausted when I began to be aware more
of my surroundings early last week. We have been a bit out of sync because of
this and may continue to be somewhat for awhile. We've even acknowledged that
there are certain activities of which I'm fond that he finds of little value,
but he may on occasion join me or I may find others with whom to do more window
shopping.

So it was not a "lack of time off" that brought on this manic episode about - at
least not in the common sense, nor did I have a "relapse". It was a severe lack
of sleep and an arrangement of brain chemicals labeled bipolar (manic
depression). Why does this happen to me? It has happened several times before,
I had an aunt (my father's youngest sister diagnosed schizophrenic) and a mother
who had several "nervous breakdowns". My father even had a "nervous episode"
from hypothyroid resulting in hospitalization when in his early 60s. There
appears to be some familial tenedency to certain brain chemical patterns in
myself - and maybe my siblings - that can result in mania and psychoses under
conditions of insufficient sleep. Paul's and my plan is to always have
sufficient quantities of medications (prescription and otherwise) that will
allow me to sleep when not doing so naturally and to obtain a therapeutic blood
level of lithium by keeping some always on hand. Hopefully these measures will
be sufficient, but Paul intends to investigate others that may be more
beneficial, even if currently not so easy to obtain.

This lack of direct access to chemicals needed was and is the main probem. I
will need to see my semi-retired psychiatrist in AZ in mid Dec in order to get a
sufficiently large prescription for lithium carbonate - the Canadian
psychiatrist will only write it for 30 days at a time which is non-sensical; and
each filling has a huge filling fee, even though the drug itself is very low
cost. In addition, only the AZ psychiatrist will write a prescription for
Dalmane - I've only used it a few times since it was filled probably 4 years
ago; the Toronto psychiatrist considers it too "old" and wants to prescribe only
"new medications. Figure that one if you will. So here's another story from
among the millions of those available I'm sure in the city of Toronto (or any
other large or small city anywhere) where a person is not getting the health
care that he/she and family members want and are willing to pay for. And if you
need the lead-in, this is the type of reason why Paul and I are putting most of
our attention into the Self-Sovereign Individual Project. If you are not
familiar with the philosophical view points raised there, please take the time
to read them - http://selfsip.org **KItty]