mmmworld : Message: [Dana Beal] GMfCL 2003 #35: 42 Cities on the MMM Poster for 2004! [Fwd]

----Forwarded email begins----

From: "Dana Beal" <dana@...>

Date: Mon, 4 Aug 2003 20:19:11 -0400

Subject: [mayday] GMfCL 2003 #35: 42 Cities on the MMM Poster for 2004!

CC: yerbanena@..., risto.mikkonen@..., "Ken Gorman" <gov02@...>, indianbud@..., initiativ@..., "Mojca Straus" <mojca@...>, ezpz@..., newagecitizen@..., hromi@..., "Terry Mitchell" <tushona@...>, pariah_mob@..., jc0_66@..., "Irena" <irena.krzan@...>, legalizemichigan@..., "Matthew Jorn" <matthewjorn@...>, Newagecitizen@..., "Xpu100" <hri100@...>, mjmarch@..., info@..., marijuanamarch@..., hempSA@..., has.cornelissen@..., farid@..., inorml@..., mohemp@..., Boris.it@..., "Chris Conrad" <chris@...>, iowanorml@..., duncaneddy@..., nfn@..., RoadsEnd@..., "Chris Wright" <TCW@...>, rastapeace@..., pdxnorml@..., hempSA@..., smuuthc11@..., acididea@..., anna_ganja@..., andyganja2001@..., "Melody Karr" <fiddlefoot420@...>, "Howie Hempalot" <torml@...>, fearless_420@..., mmm@..., melacs42x60@..., rebelart@..., pcornwell@..., martin@..., CAMPNC@..., Blocpot@..., DennyLane@..., rappa@..., arsec@..., "Hanfparaden Center Berlin" <hanfparade@...>, amec@..., mayday@yahoogroups.com, "kathy kennedy" <prohibitionx@...>, freddiefreak@..., sokrates@..., restore@..., rastapeace@..., "justin ballot" <j_thang@...>, Hempsters@..., texasm5@..., "Roy B. Scherer" <rscherer@...>, "helmut holtzheimer" <movemus@...>, phillty2@..., steph@..., "Bill Downing" <billdowning@...>, "Dave Toaff" <davetoaff@...>, mmm@..., "Angela Goodhope" <sisterearth420@...>, Usersvoice.jmt@..., "Michael Palmieri" <forml_2000@...>, PROBER13@..., StewMO1941@..., rmelamed@..., chris@..., pakaloha@..., "M. Werkhausen" <werkhausen@...>, chairman@..., bloom@..., "pdr" <pdr@...>, aksh1@..., fdb@..., stinkygreens@..., Hanf-tv@..., blair@..., "Jay Statzer" <jstatzer@...>, encimer@..., Skywolf@..., CFFHS@..., cannabisal@..., globalpeas@..., emanuel@..., dangssdp@..., fine_time909@..., Boris@..., miriamwhite420@..., bud_jamesbud@..., mappnow@..., xchaos@..., btm42@..., wachtel@..., forml420@..., "Michela Gesualdo" <mgesuald@ilmanifesto>, terryparkerjr@..., fjhc@hotmail, "Razor" <rzr@...>, legalise@..., "Nelg Nella" <spacehippie@...>, artworks@..., phillyweed420@..., info@..., doncriss@..., "Peter Bluhm" <peterbluhm2001@...>, "Joe Wein" <joewein@...>, "Bud Spliff" <normalpotluck2002@...>, info@..., OCannabisSociety@..., "Catherine Jones" <mmmfriend@...>, writch@..., cannabisaction@yahoogroups.com, "mary mackenzie" <mmackenzie2@...>, hilary@..., escandonavia@..., jipiando@..., leoparda_azul@..., faenadub@..., don@..., ultra_plus_estrella@..., helmcke@..., m_bandida@..., malcomska@..., foroalici@..., earthfirstswt@..., dmcvay@..., taudarknes@..., "The Happy Hemptress" <hemptress@...>, "New Paltz Norml" <newpaltznorml@...>, hamppu.kaupunki@..., bitchcrafts420@..., kendermag@..., "melissa ann" <melacs42x60@...>

So far, 42 Cities Have Signed up for 2004 .

MAYDAY IS JAY-DAY!

(Next year, the first Saturday of May falls on May 1)

albany

albuquerque

ashland

buenos aires

capetown

cincinnati

cleveland

dallas

des moines

detroit

dover

dublin

eugene

flint

frankfurt

kansas city

las vegas

lansing

mexico city

minneapolis

montpelier

nashville

new orleans

new york

nimbin

ogden

orlando

paducah

parkersburg

raleigh-durham
richmond

rosario

salt lake city

san marcos

tampa

toronto

traverse city

tucson

tupelo

vancouver

wichita

wilmington

--------

From:
"Jeff Laster" <goodjefflaster@...> Block Sender | Block Domain

Date:
2003/08/02 Sat AM 09:31:17 CDT

To:
dana@...

Subject:

TO LIVE OUTSIDE THE LAW YOU MUST BE HONEST

or move to

just saying hello from the mother country...and its weapon of Mass
Destruction Tony Blair!!.....Sappho and I are going up to Kate's cottage
the week after next to go thru her things...just read some of her New York
notebooks it was like being there with all of you... she mentions you
often....she probably spent more time with you than with anyone....and now
it's like it never happened it was all so quick....Kate often said she
wished she had lived in the 60's it would have been bery interesting for her
to be around in the Yippie heyday with Jerry and Abby etc...anyway her
'time' was the 90's and early 2000's and she did live intensely.... she
learned a lot from you(no kidding)....here back in England she didn't have
those sort of people around her who wouldn't let her die so to speak...here
it was about hanging out in country pubs waiting for something to

happen...with you and the RainBows there was always a sense of purpose

even when she was down...but as I said she needed to come back here to face
herself and do things on her own like getting the cottage together(no easy
job I assure you).....Sappho is slowly recovering and took two law exams
successfully...but she is still shattered by her sister's death....Carole,
Kate's mother is coping better as she has a spiritual framework and
experience of death of close ones...still she has her rough days....okay
just thought I'd talk about it once more....how is your work going...feel
free to talk about it if you're in the mood....have you thought about
writing your personal memoirs a la Abby and Jerry or is that not your
thing??? ... I intend to see the Weather Underground film when it comes
here in the autumn...luckily I got out of that mentality....I may give a
talk on that at the local alternative cinema(my experiences in Weatherman
etc.)
....it's a great time to be alive(here in the West anyway) there are
enormous changes happening in every direction for good or bad...much more
exciting than the 60's in many ways plus we know so much more....more on
this soon....Goodjeff

>From: Dana Beal < dana@... >
>To: goodjefflaster@...
>CC: sapphomorgan@...
>Subject: Kate
>Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2003 13:27:44 -0400
>
>I've been meaning to send you a short note of condolence re Kate's untimely
>demise. I loved Kate--altho it was an unrequited love. I offered to marry
>her so that she could stay in the country, in fact. When I then took up
>with some one else, she called back very concerned that her divination had
>revealed I was making a bad choice. Now I think that in some way she was
>also detecting her own end--because the choices each of us was making would
>ineluctably take us down different paths, with her ending up impacting a
>tree.
>
>I don't know what happens to me, of course, but Kate seemed to maintain an
>interest in seeing how it would come out. She would give me a call from
>time to time...it seems to me that she called at least once earlier this
>year. I always wanted to see her again. I'm bummed that I was out of town
>for her memorial. If either of you ever make it to 9 Bleecker, be sure you
>look me up. My number is 1212-677-4899.
>
>Dana/cnw

*****!!! May 4, 2002 Cannabis Liberation Day: Updates, Reports!!!*****

>From: MMM@...
>To: webmaster@...

>Subject: Website entry from MMM - Add City
>Date: Sat, 05 Jul 2003 03:45:46 -0400

>
>Contact 1 Name : Stoner Club
> Contact 2 Name : Kimberly B.
> Contact 1 Email : greatquests@...
> Contact 2 Email :
> Contact 1 Telephone :
> Contact 2 Telephone :
> Contact 1 Address :
> Contact 2 Address :

> City : Las Vegas, NV
> Country : USA
> Website 1 : http://www.stonerclub.com
> Website 2 :
> Events :
> Event Location :
> Event Location 2 :
> Start Time :
> Start Time 2 :
> Organization :
> Organization Email :
> Organization Telephone:
> Organization Address:
> Organization Website:
> Description of Events : Please contact me for ideas and more information.

> We are in the planning stages at this time.

>
---------------

From:

"Jeff Badalucco" <nc_ca@...>

Date:
2003/08/03 Sun PM 10:36:16 CDT

To:
dana@...

Subject:

Raleigh/Durham NC

Dana,

I just wanted to let you know that the Raleigh/Durham event info should
remain the same, and that we will be holding an event this year. It's also
my 24th b-day, so we're going to try and have as big an event as we can.
thanks,
jeff badalucco
NCCA
(919)247-2644
-----------

From:

"Dr. Ken Larsen" <kencan@...>

Date:
2003/08/03 Sun PM 11:45:47 CDT

To:

Dana Beal <dana@...>

Salt Lake City: Dr. Ken Larsen (801) 533-8658 < kencan@... > 856
E. 100 South (#2), Salt Lake City, UT 84102 or Ben Valdez 801-304-0303
hempower@...

http:/ www.utahmmj.org
----------------

From:

"Chris Netterwald" <normlchronic@...>

Date:
2003/08/03 Sun AM 10:02:58 CDT

To:
dana@...

Subject:

Re: GMfCL 2003 #34: Get yr City on the MMM Poster for 2004!

Dana Beal,
I attended this years mmm march, the second consecutive in New York, and i
was greatly disappointed in the # of people in the march and the park. Times
are different and people are scared so i do understand it. Bush is making it
harder for people to enjoy our freedoms, hopefully that will change. I was

a little more aggravated at the majority of the speakers. The police force

was shown no respect by the speakers, and neither was the mayor. We will not
win this by making up funny names that rhyme with elected officials and
cursing all of them. One speaker went as far as to say that " we lost the
day," we will not lose the war, something close to it. That is ridiculous,
everyone of us there was winning this war, sitting in public together,

smiling and knowing what was on all of our minds. That is not losing,

losing is going on the mic and saying that we lost the day! The second thing
that really upset me was Dana getting on the mic and saying that "CURES NOT
WARS" has the closest thing to LSD, thats legal, for sale on the back table.

Immediately following a group maybe ten kids started a charge for the table

to buy it,Melatonin. I think you should really think about what is said at
an event like this. You did not regulate the age of the march attendees, so
keep in mind that uneducated people, and young people attend this march.
Chris

Dear Chris:

I think that you miss the point, which is exactly to push pills to kids in public! As long as we're doing it, it drives the cops crazy, distracting them from making pot bust as long as we keep it up--AND there's nothing they can do about it because there are no more age restrictions on it than there would be on vitamin C! Also it is a tryptamine, IS the closest thing to legal LSD, and has beneficent synergies which enable young users to stop overdoing it with their pot consumption. The one drawback with pot is that it suppresses yr REM, which causes chronic fatigue and short term memory loss--paradoxically causing folks to toke MORE, because the pot high is essentially a melatonin high, which they keep chasing after they've used all the melatonin up that their pineal gland is capable of producing. Melatonin supplements replace REM (in fact one in 20 people stops doing it because the dreams are too intense). So what we're really doing is helping those kids stop abusing drugs! I can't tell you how many people have come up and thanked me for turning them on to it, for the improved control it gave them over their sleep cycle and their waking lives.

The key is using the sublingual lozenges, absorbed thru the lining of the mouth instead of being swallowed and denatured by the liver. Kind of like knowing you have to crush oxycontin to get high--except for an anti-addictive end.

Dana/cnw

********************

*****BUSHWHACKED!!*****

************************

From:
"Dave Ford" <drford@...> Block Sender | Block Domain

Date:
2003/08/02 Sat PM 03:04:17 CDT

To:
<mayday@yahoogroups.com>

Subject:

[mayday] Re: I INTERVIEWED ATOMIC BOMB PATIENTS

From author David R. Ford.

I lived in Hawaii for 30 years. Many of them working for the CBS television
affiliate in Hawaii. I made a trip to visit the patients at the Atomic Bomb
Hospital in Hiroshima, exactly 20 years after the bomb was dropped.
You are welcome to use the following story:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't let it happen again!"
On August 6, 1965, 20 years to the day after the U.S. Air Force bombed
Hiroshima, I left Tokyo behind to travel to that city. I first visited the
Peace Memorial Park, located within the square mile that the explosion of
one atomic bomb literally vaporized. Join me in a visit to the Atomic Bomb
Hospital:

The hospital was home for dozens of "living dead" who had been there for 20
years, ever since the bomb killed 200,000 of their neighbors. Through an
interpreter I was able to talk with many of these patients. Most of them
were so hideously disfigured they were outcasts in their own communities.
Word spread among the patients that for the first time an American civilian
was visiting them. From these lonely and forgotten ones, tears ran and arms
of welcome were outstretched to me, an American. I had prepared myself for
a hostile response. Instead, I was encouraged to ask questions.

I began the visit in the women's ward. The first lady I interviewed had no
hair. She had no nose. Her eyes were bandaged. She, like the others, was
terminally ill with radiation poisoning. In addition to open wounds and
sores that never healed, many of these people suffered from cancers that

were caused by the nuclear weapon. Many had leukemia or multiple myeloma.
Others had malignant tumors characterized by an infiltration of bone and
marrow, accompanied by anemia and kidney lesions, illnesses which were
usually fatal by themselves. I sat on her bed and held her hand. I asked
if she would care to talk about the day the bomb was dropped. She answered,
"Yes."

"I was 13 when the Americans dropped the bomb. I was in our schoolyard
chatting with schoolmates, waiting for the bell to ring for school to begin.
I saw a blue-red flash. It was like another sun. Minutes later, thousands
of people were screaming in agony. Many were naked from the concussion,
their bodies black. Blood was coming from all their body openings. From
many the flesh had been stripped, and hung so that one could see the bones.
For some, it was like someone cut you with a razor at least a quarter-inch
deep from shoulder to shoulder, then pulled the meat all the way down to
your hips and then burned you with a blow torch. I didn't know then how
badly I was injured. A school friend raised her hand for me to help her. I
reached for her hand. Her skin came off like a glove, to the elbow. I
vomited. Thousands of people were screaming and crawling to the river,
desperate for water. As they drank, they died in horrible pain, filling the
river like pieces of driftwood."

I listened to several such stories in the women's ward.

When it was too much of a challenge to keep back the tears, I asked to go to
the men's ward. One of the men was without legs. He had open sores on his

face and body. With tears in his eyes he said:

"Don't let it happen again. I saw mothers dead, black on the ground, skin
stripped from their bodies. Some had sheltered their babies with their
bodies to protect them from the blast. One baby was still alive, and was
trying to nurse from its mother, but her breasts were destroyed. Some

people died standing upright. Their eyes liquefied from looking at the

blast. It was horrible." He began sobbing and squeezed my hand.

One patient said that "all communications were out. Total hysteria, screams
of agony, and panic prevailed. Tokyo couldn't be contacted, or there surely
would have been an immediate unconditional surrender. Hospitals were
destroyed. The only medication for most of the victims was mercurochrome.
Three days later, around 11 a.m., a second atomic bomb was dropped on

Nagasaki, with similar results."

I said, "We dropped millions of pamphlets warning civilians to evacuate the
cities."

He looked into my eyes. "No paper was ever dropped. No warning was ever
given."

I held the hand of a dying patient. All I could say was, "I'm so sorry. We
just wanted to end the war."

He said, "Our hatred is against the bomb, not the Americans. You are brave
to look at us. Please spread the word that it must never happen again.
There is no more agonizing way to die."

For the first time in my life I felt that euthanasia was a good thing, would
have been a blessing to many of those tortured souls, whose suffering had
not ceased for 20 years.

Today, a single nuke is 4,000 times more destructive than those first atomic
bombs. In 1972 President Nixon raised the idea of using a nuclear bomb
against North Vietnam. When asked about the inevitable deaths of civilians,
he said, "I don't give a damn."20 Perhaps you recall that during the 1991
Gulf War people wrote letters to the editors of newspapers, and called radio
and television talk shows, suggesting that we nuke Iraq. Sadly, the same
response was heard after the tragedy of September 11, 2001, when terrorists
crashed planes into New York's World Trade Center and the Pentagon in
Washington. If our people had any idea of the medical dimensions of what
nuclear weapons render, I'm certain they would never suggest such a horrible
death for anyone. We must prevent such weapons of war being used. It could
happen to us.

By David R. Ford
Author contact:
Email: dave@...
============================================================
David R. Ford, author Marijuana: Not Guilty As Charged - and here now!

Good Medicine, Great Sex! Available today. This one will rock the country!
For previews that include a death-defying dive, promotional coups, and
erotic adventures, visit www.DavidRFord.com

=============================================================

****!!!IBOGAINE TREATMENT NOW $1500 IN HOLLAND--CALL SARA, 0113134-624-1770 !!!****

2003.07.21.19.11.

MONDAY.

IBOGA REPORT:

I left for YVR International Airport from D/FW on Saturday, 20030712@2000 on flight 395 and returned to D/FW on Friday, 20030718@1337 on flight 1390. I have been on 263 ml (10 mg per 1 ml) of Methadone Hydrochloride since the first months of 2000 . Methadone is far more physically addicting then heroin or morphine. Basically, a junkie on heroin who has used consistently for 20 years will experience in most cases 7-10 days of sickness if going cold turkey (in extreme cases 2 weeks). If the 20 year heroin junkie was to go to a Methadone clinic in Texas, the clinic will start the junkie off at 30 ml and raise the dose until the junkie is "stable" (not sick) enough to start working down the dose, most of the time with the junkie's knowledge (non-blind). If a junkie who has used Methadone (or in worst cases Orlaam) will go through much, much more sickness and it will last much, much longer, and can be fatal.

Although I do think Methadone is much more preferable way to be a junkie because of a stable and reliable supply (unless charged with arrest), I do not think Methadone is better, in any way, then Heroin. In my humble opinion, the reason Methadone clinics work so well is because they give the opiate junkie a consistent supply of their 'dose', something that is impossible on the black market for long periods of time. In other words, junkies are only a problem when they don't have the 'dose' that will take away (and eventually cause) 'the sickness/ cold-burn'. When the dose supply is unreliable, the majority of the junkie's time is spent attempting to obtain a supply and school and job become secondary priorities. It is also much harder to get through a shift at work if too dope sick. With Methadone this is not as much of an issue and thus allows the junkie to very rarely feel 'dope sick' if not accused of a crime so the junkie can spent his/her time becoming a productive member of society like finding and keeping employment and finding funds and time for school, even though the Higher Education Act tries to prevent the junkies from becoming productive members of society by preventing funding to "drug offenders" but does not limit the funds for convicted rapists or murderers.

Let me say very briefly that the fact that I could not receive my prescribed medication if accused of ANY crime has made me borderline paranoid. The fact that if I look at a police officer wrong I could be detained without my prescribed medication, is a method of control far greater then anything seen since Methadone was called Aldolphine (after Hitler). The risk of being instantly sick if accused of a crime is enough to make one paranoid of the outside world, not wanting to risk a ride up the road for groceries because I could be pulled over. I, like most junkies, have not only a criminal record, but have had a warrant for my arrest (for a joint of marijuana) for almost two years now. If I could of received my prescribed mediation in jail, I would most likely have remained on methadone for the rest of my life. But the thought of going cold-turkey from 263 ml of methadone, it simply would have broken me. Luckily, Marc Emery's iboga therapy house (ibogatherapyhouse.org) accepted me for treatment, so now I can face these legal issues without the fear of being broken by the sickness. Marc Emery has literally saved my life.

The last time I tried to take on the sickness, was when I was on Orlaam ( a time released synthetic opiate where one dose can last you 72 hours, unlike the 24 hours one dose of Methadone will 'give' you, or the 4-6 hours of non-sickness that street heroin will 'give' you). It was June of 1999 and I could no longer afford to keep going to the clinic due to lack of money. They did not inform me at the time that there are free clinics.

I slept 4 hours the entire 6 weeks of indescribable sickness/cold-burn. I had no trouble keeping a job prior to then, since then �.let's just say that experience effected my life in a very negative way and more then 4 doctors have "diagnosed" me with post traumatic stress disorder, but their synthetic 'medicine', called anti-depressants and this and that, and I gave more then 4 different one's a chance but all make me very not good as far as being healthy in the mind. This is where my sacrament and use of herb has helped beyond anything. The only negative effect of the herb is from the prohibition of it. In fact Texas is after me as we speak for less then a joint of herb.

My dose of iboga was 4,200, by means of a 400 test dose followed by the remaining 20 something 00 capsules of crushed iboga root bark. I was unable to keep any food down my entire time in BC, I lost 11 pounds in 6 days, which I was o.k. with because methadone seems to make people bloated (and constipated- I won't miss wiping blood after I shit that's for sure : ).

I was greeted at the YVR airport by Jolayne who was very nice and compassionate, and looks exactly like my little step-sister. She took me to the bed and breakfast where I stayed Saturday 2003.07.12 and Sunday 2003.07.13. I had neither methadone, iboga, or sleeping aid's during my stay. On Saturday, Jolayne was nice enough to take me to W. Hastings and got to smoke some herb at the Amsterdam Caf�. The most inspiring thing (besides the organizational and entrepreneurial genius of the bc party ) was a small iboga plant in the window, such a small delicate plant, and I got a little concerned that such a delicate plant couldn't possibly keep up and beat the Goliath Monster of opiate physical sickness, then I looked around me at the hope and progress of our movement and I realized I was exactly where I was supposed to be and am very lucky for being able to stand where I was standing, breathing the air of the healing Pacific.

Yes the sickness had been creeping up a bit and the full fledged sickness was definitely in the mail, but then I got to meet Marc Emery, I have never met a man like Marc, I had never experienced a more self-less human being, he reminds me of like a modern day Buddha. Marc invited me, to him a total stranger, to go down stairs and gave me a joints worth of blueberry. I got to meet Dana, who I have much respect for, as well as Chris and plenty of good people. Getting to hear a pot-tv.ca show being made upstairs while cleaning the blueberry, got lots of looks for 'cleaning my herb', I guess when you don't have to smoke Mexican shwag you don't have to worry about the stems: )

Being there was the highlight of my trip. I spent a couple of hours there until Jolayne came and took me to the iboga therapy house.

That evening I started having trouble keeping anything down (even water), so it was kind of a mixed blessing sitting up in the bed with Marc Emery sitting on the side of the bed handing me 00 cap after 00 cap after 00 cap full of iboga root. And if I couldn't keep it down, they would get some gloves get the iboga out and re-cap it for me to try again.

The hallucinations weren't as intense as I had anticipated but that is perfectly ok with me, I had plenty of extreme hallucinogenic experience as a kid and have had plenty of the pure panic-trips so that was my main focus during the iboga experience, DON'T PANIC, like the cover of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

I was and still am very sensitive to light. I would say the iboga took away at least 90% of my sickness, and from what I have heard and read most junkies who use iboga to kick do not experience any withdrawal signs at all, but I was on a very high dose of methadone for too long. The remaining sickness was/is very difficult to deal with because to be honest, my expectations where too much. I was expecting the iboga to take away the sickness like methadone (methadone doesn't get me high, just not-sick) with hallucinations, I didn't realize how much work it would be.

I have read many times that a junkies first iboga trip is fairly subtle, and if they do a 2 nd dose that the iboga is like "oh you didn't get it last time huh? Well try this on for size!! BOOM", not that I'm looking for boom but I do not like being unprepared for any surprises and want to be mentally prepared if that happens. Not only do Marc, Sandra, and Jolayne say a second dose greatly increases one's success rate, but nearly every paper I've read on iboga/ibogaine recommends a 2 nd dose for a better success rate. I think my expectations for the 2 nd dose are it taking away the remainder of the sickness and will let me move on.

-------------------------

This is Wednesday 2003.07.23. I am still very sick, but feel blessed because I know it would be so much worse going cold turkey without the iboga. There is no doubt in me that if I had tried this without the iboga I would have been broken by the sickness by now. I am very, very tired, not sleepy tired, exhausted tired.

-------------------------

This is Sunday 2003.07.26

Not a good day/evening. I took too many xanex's and lost my coordination in front of my mother, and she got worried. They are will be sold soon so that will not be a problem again, but I really wish that had not happened.

-------------------------

This is Monday 2003.07.28

Was able to borrow car from mom for a couple of hours, which was nice to go and make some money (180�150 after cost) from 90 1mg xanex. My methadone stock has become quite an issue. I have just under 2,000 ml and if I sell it to strangers on the street I could easily get $1 per ml ($2,000) but the risk is too risky (especially with a 2 year Texas Warrant for my Arrest) to do it that way�.So I was hoping that I could find a friend of a friend that is in need but I've separated myself from junkie's (heroin and methadone) for so many years now that it is becoming almost impossible to get rid of through the relative safety of knowing the person buying and that they aren't going to try to kill themselves with it. I have to raise money just because I must have a plan be if Marc decides mailing is a bad idea (will know more Wednesday Evening�.Sandra says "don't call us, we will call you". They are treating others as I speak. I had no idea how fucked (financially, socially, school, etc) my life has become. And with so much to be done it is very very frustrating to have my energy stocks so low.

--------------------------------------------

Today is Wednesday, 2003.07.30

Will know more this evening about 2 nd dose possibility. I am very surprised that it has been over a week since I've been back to Dallas and I still feel like the day I came back, plus a little extra exercise soreness. I've been pushing myself to exercise so my natural endorphins get up and running again after not having to work for over 4 years. Been sleeping most nights thanks to my Tamazepam Script (sleeping pills), but I think 2 or 3 nights I had to pull an all night. I am exhausted, simply exhausted.

-----------------------------------------

Tonight is 2003.07.31@...

I have not heard anything from Sandra, I just left a message on her cell. She specifically said don't call me I'll call you Wednesday, and tomorrow is Friday and I still know nothing about if a 2 nd dose will happen, and if it does happen can I really afford another plane ride to and from? I have tasted methadone since I've been back, nothing more then a taste (1 or 2 ml at the most), to be honest I've done that 3 times so far. The first time did nothing to ease the sickness, nor the 2 nd time, but the 3 rd time cut the edge off just enough to get some exercise done. I need a shower and I am still basically sick but know the weak must get strong. And this is what I try to do, harness the energy to get basic things done. I need to realize I have a bad habit of getting ahead of myself and Marc Emery says that this is when things usually aren't being done when we talk real deep about the future without any concern with the present actions or consistency or persistence or patience that could actually make it work, like how the sickness stays strong and persistent. I am sore from exercise but and have been getting strength from the Rasta-Buddha, trying to do the right thing�..the right thing. I really am having a hard time keeping this off my mind, trying not to wait, have too much to do, but still too weak to maintain consistently. I am getting bursts of 'no more control' don't tread on me get the aldophin out of my system, syst m

SYST M

ONLY THE FITTEST OF THE FITTEST SHALL SURVIVE�.STAY ALIVE

EVERY MAN THINKS HIS BURDON IS THE HEAVIEST

2003.07.31@...

Was going to try to put off calling Jolayne due to it looking like I'm playing favorites, like when a child doesn't' get the answer s/he wants from her dad and goes and gets an ok from mom. Jolayne was on the road when she answered, luckily no one was harmed while she was asking how I was doing while driving. I feel much better just hearing a voice, even if she doesn't call back in an hour like she said, at least I got to hear a voice of hope��strange, Texas seems so hopeless, drains the hope right out of I and I, mostly due to the paradox I find myself in in regards to doing the work I and I need to get done, while not endangering my family, how do I do what needs to be done without making my family a target for military style raids?

"comin' in from the cold, it's you I'm chatting to,

WHY DO YOU LOOK SO�..?

WHEN ONE DOOR IS CLOSED

MANY ONE IS OPEN.

Would you make a syst m get on top of your head again

The biggest man your ever going to see

Was once a baby

in this life

Any life

Any life�.

Many more will have to suffer

Many more will have to die

Don't ask me why

ONE AND ALL GOT TO FACE REALITY

THEY CAN'T KEEP US DOWN

IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY YOU WILL HEAR

THERE IS A NATURAL MYSTIC BLOWING THROUGH THE AIR

THEY CAN'T KEEP US DOWN

WE THE YOUTH GOT OUR WORK CUT OUT FOR US.

And now you see the light, Stand up for your rights

Get up stand up, don't give up the fight

We Jah people can make it work,

Come together and make it work.

Robert Nesta Marley

February 6, 1945 - May 11 th 1981

---------------------------------

Friday 2003.08.01@01:41

Talked to Jolayne, she is really a good person. She told me not to hesitate to call, but I know that they have way more important things to get done then hearing about my drama, hell, I'm even sick of hearing about my drama, and it's just starting. The legal issues, I just hope they don't 'make an example' of me, I am very vulnerable to their control, no $$$ for lawyer. Jolayne said that Marc Emery just got back last night and they will talk within' the week, and she couldn't promise an answer about the decision for a 2 nd iboga dose by next Friday, but could promise a phone call by then. Wish it wasn't so difficult, especially since I had the opportunity for a 2 nd dose before I left and for some stupid reason I refused, even though I was sick. It is 0231 and I'm out of xanex, I'm almost out of my sleeping medication Temazepam, and I am almost out of herb. The only way around this shit is through.

-----------------------------------

Sunday 2003.08.03@...

Sickness has been playing with me a bit lately. What I mean by this is that the sickness will act like it is on the run (act like it is lessening) and then come back for a push forward. It has been 2 weeks since I have returned from the iboga therapy house. I am still very sick, but I would say that it is very obvious that I am only facing maybe 2%-5% of sickness that would be there if going cold-turkey without iboga. I am still sensitive to light and still am goose fleshed and still ache the ache of the sickness in my vertebrae, my muscles, down to my bones and joints. I am very positive that I would have been broken long before now if I had tried this without the iboga. But I do wish that I could have had the trust in my government that they would provide me with my prescribed mediation if charged/or convicted of a crime. Untold numbers of people have had to go cold turkey in jail. Poor souls.

Let me also say on the issue of methadone patients selling their methadone, that this wouldn't happen if even the new patients didn't get a 'Sunday take home dose' due to clinics being closed on Sunday. They make rules saying the patient must come for several years with clean Urine Analysis to qualify for take homes, the rational being this will assure that methadone isn't being sold on the street. Getting take home privileges helps so much to focus on job or school, because the junkie isn't reminded every morning that s/he is a junkie (a failure without hope) by having to go to the clinic to be not sick. The hopelessness of a Methadone Clinic waiting room cannot be over stated. I personally had too many junkie "friends" that I didn't look any of the other methadone patients in the eye. I did not need anymore junkie "friends", my own life is chaotic enough as it is.

The sickness has lessened around 15% with time and at this rate I am fairly confident that by the end of August (even without a second dose of iboga) this drama should be behind me. The only way around this shit is through.

IF YOU WANT YR CONTACT ON THE NEW IBOGAINE POSTER, SET UP AN IBOGAINE DROP-IN CENTER TODAY!

********************************************************************

To get on the poster for 2004--"Mayday is Jay Day"--check yr contact info and add yr city to the List at the top of this email. The following 2003 List consists of 231 cities [If you want to upload ANY of the following to the web, remember that [bracketed material] is private, and intended for internal information of this network only--so that Dana Larsen can send you a check and a box of CANNABIS CULTURE magazines, in other words. DON'T--DO NOT--PUT IT ON A WEBSITE] or may be accessed at http://www.cures-not-wars.org/cities.htm Another, no-longer active list follows the 2003 list below for regional organizers who want to follow-up and reactivate those cities for next year. An alternative, MMM Million Marijuana March, 236+ cities globally can be accessed at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cannabisaction :

[rest is snipped off]

----end of forwarded email----

----------------------

MMM. Million Marijuana March. 236+ cities globally.
Pro-capitalist, anti-corporatist, anti-Republicrat-drug-war-tyranny!
Pro-harm-reduction, and universal healthcare drug reform.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cannabisaction
4.8% of Texas adults in jail, prison, probation, or parole!
Texas leads the world! Texas is 666 EVIL! ;)
Texas = state-sponsored drug-war terrorism! Please distribute.

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