Hi everyone

So much has been going on for me. It is just driving me crazy and tired.

I try so hard to keep a positive attitude but it is getting harder and harder on
me.

I went to see my doctor (Fisch) on Monday. I told him that the other neuro. for
my right side was saying it was not dystonia, the problems I have is due to
epilepsy. So he (Fisch) has another neuro. that works with him looking into it.
So I half to go back at the end of this month for the botox shot.
We also talked about the problems I have now during a seizure. Back in April of
2002 when I had a grand mal seizure that caused me to here a loud sound in my
right ear everyday/all day for around 3 months, he put me on medication to help
it. It is called zyprexa (5mg.). This medication is originally use for people
with certain mental disorders. I felt so uncomfortable about taking it. Well
because of the loud sounds I now get when I have a seizure he put me back on the
medication. But only to take it for 4 days after a seizure.
And my right side is really getting bad. The pain I have at times is horrible.
I just never thought that I would have such a hard time like this after surgery.
I new that there was not a 100% chance of never having seizures. I just never
thought it would be like this and have these problems.
I have hardly any energy to want and do things anymore. I just feel mad,
depressed, very tired and I just want to get away from it all. I would love to
go back to work, but with the problems and my short term memory I can not.
With what I experience now during a seizure is so different then what I
experienced before surgery. It only effects my right side and I feel, here,
experience it all. I hate it. I also have another one were I just lose my
ability to talk. I know what others are saying and I know what I want to say,
just can not do it.
I never thought that at age 32 I would still be living with my parents, not
being able to drive and have problems like this.
I just can not get happy. This weekend is my father b'day and we are giving him
a big b'day party. You would think I would be so excited about it. I'm not.
And as for as the up coming holidays.....just ready for it to be over and done
with.

let me go. thanks for reading. I do hope that everyone has been doing well.

Take care
ashley





Ashley


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