Hi, my name is Anthony and ive been bak and forth between Anorexia
and Some Bulimia. I am now 15 and my Eating disorder probably started
when i was about 12. The doctor told me i was about 12 lbs overweight
when i was like 11. My brothers used to call me fat. I have a twin
brother and brother who is 2 yrs younger than me. Me and my twin
look nothing alike. I guess i was a little chubby but i never really
thought much about it until people started pointing it out. Then i
just became really scared of being fat and i wanted to lose weight.
I didnt really know how to lose weight so i asked my mom and my mom
told me that i wasnt fat but if i wanted to lose a few lbs to ride my
bike a little more. Whatever i didnt really do that. I really didnt
do ne thing at all. I had seen some movies on eating disorders like
the one called ." perfect body" and it was about a girl who was in
gymnastics and struggled with anorexia and bulimia and stuff. I saw
that she purged alot and i thought it was cool because she could eat
and then take it right back. I tried it but i didnt really do it to
try and lose weight. i just did it a few times because it looked
cool. Then i just really wanted to lose weight so i tried doing it
after i ate but it was never dinner or lunch or breakfast. It was
always things i would eat on the side like pretzels and fat-free
pudding etc...Its hard for me to remember back to when i really
started to purge. All i know is that i did it but usually just around
friends because i guess i wanted them to see that i was doing
something to try and lose the weight. Anyways... some of my friends
were concerned because they knew it couldnt be good for a person to
be eating things and then to be forcing themselves to throw it right
back up. I never binged on anything but i just purged what i did eat
on the side. Some of my friends went to the guidance counselor and
then he talked to me and told me that it didnt seem that i was really
deep into the eating disorder because i still looked healthy and
everything. He told me that he didnt want it to get to the point to
where he could tell that i had a problem. So he told the nurse and
the nurse told my mom. THen i told my mom it was just a phase and
that i would stop. I thought i could stop i guess but i really
couldnt. I told my mom that i didnt feel comfortable eating normally
if i wasnt going to be able to purge it. So then thats when i decided
if i wasnt going to purge i was going to eat all Fat-Free foods. To
me then , fat = fat. So i didnt want to eat ne of it. But before i
knew it was eating the fat-free stuff but was purging it and wasnt
eating normally at all. I didnt normally eat breakfast, for lunch i
would eat some fat -free chicken tenders on fat- free bread. and for
dinner i never ate with my family. i would always come up with some
concoction of fat- free things to eat on my own time. I was also
doing 130 sit ups each night because i felt like if i excercised it
would help me to lose weight faster. At this point my family wasnt
really concerned about my weight at all because when they found out
my weight was normal. My weight really did stay pretty level. i may
have lost a few lbs here and there but not much at all. Every night i
would do my sit ups. I did feel somewhat that i had to do the sit ups
or my day wouldnt be complete. While i was doing my sit ups i would
usually watch Emeril on the Food Network Channel. I guess you could
say i was hungry and my body missed all the foods i wouldnt allow it
to have. One night i ate 2 fat - free waffles w fat free imitation
margerine with jelly and then went upstairs to the bathroom. I guess
my dad had a feeling i was going to throw it up. So he went outside
and went to the back of the yard where the bathroom window was. i was
on the 2nd floor so he had to go really far back to see what i was
actually doing. I forgot to shut the blinds so he saw me, came
upstairs and told me not to flush the toilet.... there was the
waffles and everything i ate right there in the toilet.... of course
i wasnt going to listen to him. I flushed. Then came out. I said that
i had gone poop...of course im going to flush dad. He told me he saw
what i did and i denied it. My mom told me i looked too skinny even
though i wasnt. REally i wasnt. This was during the end of summer. i
still continued what i had been doing for the whole summer. I was 13
now so my body alone was going through changes. i was getting taller
and more mature i guess. so physically i guess i did look like i had
lost some weight. I remember weighing myself on my friends scale
and praying that mine would be lower than his. it always was. i was
smaller than him. i also started to run or jog a little. So i guess
that helped. By the time school started my mom wanted me to start
seeing a therapist. So we did. I didnt like her. It usually didnt
last more than 30 minutes if that.. She and the Doctor told me that i
needed to start putting fat into diet because i was a growing boy and
i needed fat to grow correctly. So the doctor told me that i should
be getting at least 20 grams of fat a day. I WAS LIKE HELL NO because
i was used to eating just 0 grams a day. My therapist understood that
it would be hard for me to eat so much fat while not used to it. So
she wanted me to eat at least 5-8 grams of fat each day. I didnt want
ne. I guess i felt kinda forced to eat so i tried but i just couldnt
do it because i didnt want 2. So i would eat lunch normally but i
would eat a dinner that had like 5-8 grams of fat. usually a healthy
choice or lean cuisine. But it made me feel too fat so i would go and
purge it. I kept doing this while my mom thought i was eating it and
doing better. While she thought his my weight was going down. I
started to eat very weird. I would be starving because i would purge
everything i ate and it wasnt much to start with. I would eat things
like cans of vegetables, bbq sauce plain, pretzals with mustard,
ketchup plain, sugar plain. not all at once but at different times. I
would feel guilty for eating some mustard or even water. I did feel
trapped but i also felt that i was no longer fat or overweight and my
weight was below normal. My weight went from 105 ( in the summer ) to
82 ( in december). For most of the time i maintained in the 90's or
so . But then my mom found out i was purging because she brought me
to the doctor and my weight was lower. i tried to convince her that
had diabetes and there was some other explanation for my weight loss.
I was definately in denial. I thought if ne thing i had bulimia. i
didnt know the difference between anorexia and bulimia. All i knew is
i purged. I didnt want to gain weight. Friends commented on my weight
loss. Some negative comments and some positive. Friends mostly were
worried because i didnt eat much and i was looking sick. Friends
said i was too skinny and that bones in my arms were showing where
not needed. Even if it was a negative comment it motivated me to
keep going. I did start to feel weak and wasnt able to do much. I can
remember on thanksgiving i was unable to go to my cousins for dinner
because everytime i stood i was very light-headed and felt sick. This
scared me and i tried to eat... i wanted to so i wouldnt get sick. I
didnt want to feel light-headed and sick all the time. So i put a
fat-free waffle in the toaster and then put it to my mouth and i
coudlnt eat it. I felt very nauseous just putting it to my mouth. so
i threw it in the trash and went into the bathroom. Ran the bath
water and got in the warm water. If i layed down the sick feeling
wasnt as bad. but when i layed there , ( not kept ne thing in my
stomach for weeks.) starving literally but my appetite seemed gone. I
wanted to eat for health reasons but i couldnt . i wasnt hungry.
While laying in the bath i could see my ribs and hip bones and even a
pulse near my belly button. Never knew there was a pulse down there.
But there was. This had a two sided effect. I was scared because it
looked sickly. but then again it was my result of not eating. I wasnt
the 12 lb overweight 11 yr old that the doctor once saw. I was now 13
and 80 some lbs. From November to December i only remember drinking
diet sodas, and my weird concoction of mustard or sauce, or veggies.
I threw up almost everything. I slept alot 2. Didnt hang out with
friends at all and just secluded myself. Then I went to the doctor
and i was still in the 80's with my weight so my mom knew she had to
do something. My blood work wasnt good either. I was slightly anemic
and my electrolytes were messed up. So then on December 18 2001 they
took me to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore Md where i was diagnosed with
anorexia w/ purging and i was weighed in at 82lbs. I cant remember
much about how i felt . All i know is that i was scared to see these
people in this hospital just like living there. There were mostly
gurls and 2 boys. Some worse than others. Some better than others.
You know. So 2 months later i was discharged at a weight around 106
or so. I did ok for a little while and then i started purging again.
Then in January 29 2003 i was admitted again at 97 lbs but about 4-5
inches taller. My electrolytes messed up again i was put on an IV
for a couple of days and also a heart monitor. i think they were
worried about my heart bc of the purging. Well i guess almost 2
months later i was discharged at a weight at about 116 or so. So now
im here in the summer of 2003 at about 116 and i guess 5'9 better i
guess but not recovered.

Thats my story ^
Ant-

ps: if ne one has ne questions contact me

aeguy61388 - aim
awsomeant88- aol