*"We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful
mistakes."--C.A.*

OK, first of all, i'm not a male... So i try and keep from posting too
much and leave this site for y'all cuz the guys really don't have too
many places for just themselves. But i still come here a lot to
read the posts and everything b/c I'm getting over a couple eating
disorders myself... And today I don't have anyone to tt. I used to
be bulimic and then I turned anorexic and I'm still having a
terrible time with the latter. In fact i was VERY pro-ana. And, yes, I
still love my anorexia, and I still love the hunger pains and
everything that made me feel in control. But sometimes you just
have to let go. It's so incredibly hard to let go. But we're strong
enough, I think.
There's all these complications that come along with an eating
disorder. You understand how it is to never feel good enough
and to feel discusting for simply being who you are. To never
know how it feels to love yourself. To feel like nothing will ever
get better... or any of the other many ways that an ed affects your
life. It all seems so hopeless. And then I look around at the
people around me and the things around me and I see all this
beauty. All this beuty in the world that I've been missing out on
because i've been too wrapped up in what I thought was ugly.
Myself. I've questioned that long and hard, and I'm no closer to
the truth. But I've learned a few things. A few things that maybe
can only be learned through experience, whatever experience
that may be. One of those lessons is something I've heard so
many times that maybe I just forgot that it was actually true. That
I'm beautiful.— You're beautiful. So beautiful, in so many ways.
And I wish everyone could love themselves and never fall down
or hurt again... But we do get hurt. Again and again and again.
But then you've still got this thing inside of yourself that will carry
you, if you let it. and I hope you know that you are strong and you
can do whatever you set out to do... Including loving yourself.
Just work at it every day. And then work at it some more.
ANYWAYS, i guess I got off to rambling for a while there and I'll
stop and let ya'll get on with ya'lls lives. I'm a girl... but i needed
to get this out, so if you read this far (i'm shocked if you have!!),
thank you so, so much. bye loves.—sarah

*"I'm not a perfect person. There's many thing I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning. And I've found a reason to change the
person that I used to be. To start over new."--Hoobastank*