Thanks Danny, I appreciate that.

- Sophia

----- Original Message -----
From: "Danny Newell"
To: malecontraceptives@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [malecontraceptives] hi, I'm new to the list
Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2006 21:34:35 -0700 (PDT)

i understand what david is saying is to hold off to having a
vasectomy. your b/f jeff has to make his decision on wether getting a
vasectomy and going to a sperm bank to store is sperm. i'm just
trying to give u my idea that probably will work in the long run.

Sophia M <sophia_m@...> wrote: Hi David,

Thanks, I didn't feel lectured to at all!

I appreciate your pointing out that it does just end with "my body -
my
decision." That's pretty much what he and I have been saying, that
since
it's his body, he can decide as to whether or not to get the
vasetomy.
I'll talk to him about it again, as it does, as you say, affect me. I
don't think he's made any kind of final decision about it. I'm pretty
far
from having religious convictions about any of it, and I think, as a
result, other options would be open to me if I wanted to have a baby
and
he'd gotten the vasectomy, but I don't think they'd be the most
*practical* options.

In the end, I do think he has final say, but I hope he decides
against
it. At least until we've gotten to a place where we are both ready
for
it.

- Sophia

----- Original Message -----
From: "David Brown"
To: malecontraceptives@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [malecontraceptives] hi, I'm new to the list
Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2006 06:52:45 +0100

Hi,

> Thanks, that's very helpful! I've been anti-vasectomy but Jeff, my
bf,
has been thinking about it. I thought it was a bad idea to think of
it as
reversible too, and so I've forwarded your message to him.

That's good. This does raise another point though. It sounds like you
aren't
in agreement about vasectomy. That's possibly not the best way to
embark on
using it as a method of BC. There are studies that look at vasectomy
satisfaction and other angles that come up with the conclusion that
the
people most satisfied with vasectomy are those couples that were
completely
in agreement over vasectomy being the best option, and had considered
it
long and hard. Amongst the least satisfied with it were where there
are
conflicts of opinion between partners.

That makes sense to me. I've often heard tales of regret where the
man
involved has had the vasectomy under pressure from the other half
(worse
still, other half + extended family) and the regret he later feels
causes
relationship problems. Also, at another group there are often posts
from
fundie trolls about "He had a vasectomy against my wishes and now I
hate him
forever", claiming the same relationship problems. Despite being made
up
posts from the fundies, there is an element of truth in what they
warble on
about in that if a man has a vasectomy, it takes away the woman's
reproductive ability as well. She may be extremely grateful for this,
and
she may not be ready to give it up yet. Therefore vasectomy, although
it
happens to the man, and it's his body is mostly bound to be a joint
decision. I know there is an attitude of "My body - my decision", but
as
both people are affected quite profoundly it needs to be a decision
both are
in agreement with. If a woman has a tubal ligation, it doesn't remove
his
reproductive ability, therefore the "My body - my decision" argument
is very
different and the same reasons don't apply.

I don't know your situation, but I would suggest that whilst
vasectomy might
be the right decision for you as a couple, at the same time it might
not be.
I'd certainly be tempted to put the decision about vasectomy on hold
until
you can both be equally in favour of it being the primary method of
BC that
you use.

PS - sorry if this sounds like a lecture:( It's not meant to be -
just
trying to put some outside perspective on the decisions other people
make
regarding vasectomy.

David
www.vasectomy-information.com - Main site containing all of the
information
in detail
www.vasectomyblog.info - News items and new research discussed
www.vasectomy-faq.org - Vasectomy FAQ in easy reading style

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