--- In malecontraceptives@yahoogroups.com, "tuxylady" <tuxylady@y...>
wrote:
>
>
> > On the other hand, I'd like a bit more control over my destiny, in
> case I ever do end
> > up making a drastically bad decision and end up sleeping with an
> actual devious,
> > conniving woman who pokes holes in condoms or something even
> nastier. I'm pretty
> > sure there's 2 or 3 women like that in the world, and I don't like
> those odds. :)
>
> A friend of mine told me that some tv show has a sub-plot where the
> husband sabotages his wife's birth control pills to get her
pregnant.
>
> It seems worse, because she's actually going to have to grow this
> thing inside her body. I don't understand why people would actually
> *want* such a thing to happen.
>
> -tux

Hi Tux,

There are a couple things I'd like to respond to, from this post, and
a previous one. Please accept my invitation to an open dialog on the
important issues you raise.

I know that, even though this is just a TV show, there's probably a
guy somewhere in the world who pulled this stunt. Shame on the him
(obviously), but this TV show sounds to me like it is pandering to the
same inter-gender distrust that is proposed by the gynophobe side.
Again, I don't think the problem here is a matter of fertility control
as much as one of respect and trust-building in relationships. This
guy on TV is a despicable idiot.

But there is another side to this, which is that this 'Thing' you
refer to--the thing growing inside the woman TV character--is
considered by many (including me) as not merely a thing, but another
fully human being. Of course, this leads inevitably the grave tragedy
of abortion, which you brought up in your earlier posting. I see
abortion as yet another symptom of the anti-humanist tradition that
has spawned such atrocities as the blame-the-woman-for-the-pregnancy
culture, as well as the
medical-research-shall-only-be-directed-toward-the
-highest-profit-margin
school of health care.

Please respond as you feel necessary, but these are my thoughts on the
matter--

Abortion doesn't solve any societal problems, it merely places more
pressure on the woman to 'fix' her own 'problem,' when she may not
want to give up the pregnancy. Tux, I am deeply sorry about the
position you were put in; please accept my condolences. But I also see
in your story some extremely disturbing trends at work, that I hope
you will join me in confronting:

1. Reliable contraceptive methods were simply not available, when
medical science should have been able to provide something better than
faulty condoms and unreliable foam. You identify "nausea,
headaches, muscle spasms, fatigue and depression from about the third
day" among the side-effects you experienced from hormonal BC. Your
experiences are far too common. A method that causes such side effects
as you describe is simply not an option. We need to demand something
better. My girlfriend and I are considering the Mirena IUD right now,
as opposed to pills, but this also is far from an ideal solution.

2. Dropping out of school due to the pregnancy could have been avoided
if our society as a whole demanded that schools (jobs, etc...) make
more concessions for women in these situations. It is pure anti-woman,
cowardly, hand-washing on the part of colleges and high schools, that
cause women in your situation to fail out of school. Simply put, women
should not drop through the cracks due to pregnancies. We should all
demand more from our institutions of higher learning, and we should
all be far more supportive of pregnant women.

3. This last one I find most disturbing of all. You say you still have
anemia from the pregnancy--you may want to check with a doctor and
find out if your current condition might actually have been a result
of the abortion itself. Unfortunately, side effects of abortion are
rarely publicized when the abortion is legally performed, but they are
more common than you might expect. Your symptom may, in fact, be due
to a poorly conducted procedure, or a wrong type of procedure for your
particular health problems. Surgical abortion is specifically ruled
out as too dangerous in women suffering from Anemia, and other types
of medical abortion are also highly dangerous. There may be a
malpractice suit in this, if your doctor did not take these things
into consideration. I found an article just now at

http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic3311.htm

which has more information. If you get a chance, I recommend you
review the article, and see if the information applies to you. You may
be particularly interested in the section 'Relevant Anatomy and
Contraindications.'


To close, reliable contraception, without side-effects, is certainly
an important part of a pro-active solution to many of the problems we
currently face (in gender equality, unplanned pregnancies, abortion,
etc). However, inventing better BC methods for men and women is
ultimately an excercise in futility if not coupled with a greater
respect for humankind. Current birth control research is still being
guided by the Hugh Hefner view of the modern man. If we can change
that mindset, we will open up new options for men and women. We will
hopefully make situations such as yours a distant, sad memory of our
society.

A Lux