I can sure identify with your comment that
childhood was horrible. I was born with ambiguous
genitalia, i.e. hypospadias and right testicle, with a
streak remnant gonad on the left side that was taken out
when I was operated on for inguinal hernia in
childhood. I also had bladder outlet obstruction and some
kidney damage from pressure. Could not stay dry until
almost six, and was on almost every antibiotic sold for
the infections of the month club I couldn't seem to
leave. My teeth are pretty much junk now colorwise from
the tetracycline.<br><br>I began to feel out of sorts
about my gender when I was four, and until the age of
twenty or so constantly fought a battle between the
outside world and my internal feelings. Ultimately I did
get married and had a child, and am now happy and
seem to have found myself, but I would erase my
childhood and teenage years if I could, due to the hell it
was to live through. I used to be angry about the
loneliness, the lack of open support for people like us, and
the almost total refusal of human nature to accept
shades of gray in a bipolar male/female world. I didn't
look like the other boys in the locker room, and I
didn't feel like one either. The best way to describe my
sexual orientation at the time was that it wasn't there.
Like a machine in the midst of people. Not gay, or
straight, just neuter, until almost 17 or so. <br><br>Now
that I am almost 40, I could care less whether people
know about "it" or not, and am always honest and open
on the subject, when it comes up. Like friends
reminiscing about pissing their names in a snowbank; I never
had that experience and couldn't relate to it. I find
that a (sick in my case) sense of humor helps others
deal with "the secret", and all have accepted the
truth, and continue to accept me as well. The way I see
it, the isolation and loneliness of feeling like I
was the only kid in the world like this is every
reason to stand out like a sore thumb, if only to
educate the "normal" so the next kid won't be as
miserable as I was. .<br><br>Anybody who needs to write can
do so anytime.<br><br><br>Doug
<br><br>A717maker@...