I am an intersexed individual, male turned female. Thankful for the
chance to have children, and a family. I have found that due to a
three year ago head trauma, that I remembered every detail of my
past, and boy is it a scarey thing. I joined this group because My
parents would've rather let me die than tell me the truth. I got the
surgery at five years old. I guess they thought I was old enough then
to tell wheather to make me male or female. My parents knew I was
more male, but my father wanted me a female. I was supposed to get
horomones, but my mother, didnt' want to be bothered with taking me
to the doctors after the surgery. I told her not to worry about it,
and when she told me I had to go so that I could be a beautiful woman
someday, I told her that people would either like me for who I am or
wont' I in fact did not know at five, how cruel people can be.
Needless to say, I didnt get the horomones. Entering puberty was a
crucial factor for me, I had so much pain, it felt like I was going
to die. My mother had already deserted me, so my father was raising
me. I had to withstand him passing me off to male members of my
family to get me to accept my future as a woman. I started my period,
normally but my kidneys developed too large, and I had so much pain
in them. Since I was'nt an adult, the hospital could not tell me why,
but gave me medicine. I was ridiculed through high school, at drs.
and other places, because my father made it so hard for me to adapt
in society, and when I told him I didnt feel like a girl, he hated it.
I was put into mental hospitals my whole childhood because My
parents both hated that I was not what they wanted me to be. I was
clueless, I didnt understand. My father would say things like, "I
should of gotten rid of you when I had the chance!" And ultimately
your going to kill yourself, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of
it. Parents knew how crucial there decision was, and never offered a
helping hand, but being clueless as to why they hated me was beyond
me. I got hit on the head with a big ceramic snow globe. I remembered
everything, even from the time of birth, when my parents made the
choice at first to put me to sleep, then decided not to. Thank the
lord for that. Now i'm adult, and thanks to my memory of this abuse,
and the choices my parents made, I have three beautiful children, and
a husband who is not only my lover but my friend, my best friend. I
learned that why I always hung around with the boys wanting to be
thier friends, they saw me as female, and wanted more, but I felt
comfortable around them as people. I ended up being used by many of
them because indeed I had something to offer them. I did have a
couple experieces with women, and believe me there is a difference on
how I feel toward them, than men. But now that I have children, and
got married to a man. I feel the only thing to do is keep what the
choice was, and try to make the best of it for their sake. I havent
been to the dr. yet, but I know I need horomone therapy. Most people
in my case would take back thier male role, but I cant do that. I
still have so many questions on this subject, and have always felt
the deepest sympathy for people that are intersexed because the
decisions are made for them, when they are not old enough to make
thier own. And it complicates their life. Society will never be
perfect, and the longer dr's try to make it perfect, it will affect
so many in the process. In the flesh I am female........... but my
spirit and my mind is the total opposite and has caused so many
problems in my life. You can hope for a good outcome, but if its'
your wish for your child to live a normal life, and be able to
produce, etc. And instead they feel worthless, abnormal, aggressive
etc. Then your wish doesnt come true, and certianly the one it
happened to has the biggest test of all. I hope that I have a chance
to talk to other people who are like me.