Lindsay,
My job as a doula is to provide emotional, physical, and
informational support to the birthing couple. I say "couple" because
I find that I doula the dad or grandma etc.. just as much as the mom
sometimes.
We meet several times before the brith to discuss a birth plan, get
to know each other, and go into more detail about what a doula can do
for you during labor.
Jim sounds like a typical dad. They want to be there for you, but
they are out of their element, so to speak. They can be a great
support because of the loving relationship you have, but it can also
make them feel anxious and unsure of what to do. That's where a doula
comes in and suggests positioning, massage, movement, and keep you
focussed besides "setting the stage" in the birthing room. We also
answer questions and remind everyone that "this is normal." A doula
will remind you of things in your birth plan if an intervention is
suggested and help you to ask all the questions that you need to make
an informed decision, but you are right, a doula does not speak for
you.
I hope this is informative for everyone and please feel free to ask
more questions. Lindsay, I look forward to talking with you.

Karen Goddard CD(DONA), CHBE "Happiest Baby" Educator
Kozy Kushion Sales www.kidkozy.com




--- In icanofbuffalo@yahoogroups.com, "Lindsay Krieb"
<lindsay.krieb@...> wrote:
>
> Rachel I think this is a great discussion!
>
> My expectations of a doula are basically someone to help me labor
and keep
> me focused. My husband Jim is more than happy to hold my hand and
say
> encouraging things but he can't suggest a different positions or
help me
> stay focused and most of all when things get rough pain-wise he
will be
> begging me to get the epidural if no one is there to keep things
(read
> ME) calm. He is not good in stressful situations, we both know
this and all
> in all he would prefer to be pretty hands-off during labor. I
think having
> someone who has attended many births there to tell him that I am
fine and
> that whatever is going on is normal will really help him relax.
When I
> suggested a doula for this birth and explained what one was his
response was
> "Are you kidding me we can pay someone to do that?? Why didn't we
get one
> last time?"
>
> I don't expect my doula to speak for me to my providers, I do hope
if
> something comes up that I haven't thought of or if I am not paying
attention
> that she would ask me "Lindsay is this part of your birth plan? or
Are you
> really comfortable with xyz? " and let me take it from there. So
in that
> way I want my doula to look out for me and to remind me of what I
really
> want. I know that during my labor I could give up and someone
would jump in
> to do a c/s, so I need to someone to keep me from doing that unless
its
> truly emergent.
>
> During my first labor I was so unfocused and felt completely
powerless and
> due to circumstance alot things were out of my control. But I
didn't
> question anything b/c I was too tired, scared to care- not to
mention sadly
> unprepared. I think there was a good portion of labor where I
never even
> thought about the fact that there was a baby involved I just wanted
to get
> out of the situation I was in and there was an epidural just
waiting for me-
> how convenient. This time I want to make sure things go my way
and when
> I'm not strong enough to remember how important this is to me I
want someone
> there to remind me.
>
> Lindsay
>
> On 5/14/07, rzeller143@... <rzeller143@...> wrote:
> >
> > Lindsay's search for a doula has brought an interesting topic
to the
> > table... What are the expectations of a doula?
> >
> > I was thinking that, since we have moms and doulas alike on our
list,
> > perhaps it would be a good discussion.
> >
> > Doulas, what do you believe your role is for the laboring woman?
Do you
> > see yourselves as nurturers and caretakers, or patient advocates,
or someone
> > to guide the parents through? Perhaps all of that or some of
that, to
> > varying degrees?
> >
> > Moms, what do you want from your doula? Do you prefer someone
who will
> > sit aside while you labor, only assisting when called for? Do you
want
> > someone who will step in and say something if your OB, say,
reaches for a
> > scalpel to perform an unwanted episiotomy? Do you want someone
who will
> > suggest new laboring positions, or show your partner how to use
counter
> > pressure to relieve back labor?
> >
> > It seems the most successful doula-client relationships stem from
clear
> > communication and understanding about what your expectations are.
> >
> > Thoughts?
> >
> > -Rachel
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------------------------
> > See what's free at AOL.com <http://www.aol.com/?
ncid=AOLAOF00020000000503>.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>