I am not a writer, just a mom. I don't even know where to begin or
end this story but feel it needs to be heard.

I'll start the night of November 11th 2006. It was the day before my
son's first birthday and I found myself sobbing in my husband's
arms. "I can not believe that it's been a year! It's been a full
year now, I can't believe it's been a year since I felt good, I can't
believe it still hurts!"

On November 12th, 2005 my 3rd baby was delivered by scheduled c-
section. Why? He was breech. His cord was over the cervix and his
feet on top of that. I had no choice and every attempt to get him
into the correct position had failed. I had tried everything from
lying upside down on an ironing board, to a hospital procedure called
an external version. This baby wouldn't budge.

I had spent 9 months looking forward to the labor and delivery of my
3rd baby. I was prepared once again to deliver 100% naturally. I
looked forward to having the assistance of a doula for the 1st time.
I was excited and had no fear or anxiety.

At the beginning of my pregnancy I had explored every delivery option
including a home birth. I never imagined that I'd end up heading to
the hospital, not in labor, to have this baby delivered surgically.

On the way to the hospital the day of my scheduled c-section I was
very upset. Sitting at the red light a block away I had thoughts of
getting out and running. I felt I was being robbed the joy of
laboring and delivering my own baby. I held on to the hope that when
we got there a sonogram would show that the baby had changed position
and a c-section would not be needed.

It did not happen…

Hours after arriving to the Labor and Delivery wing I found myself in
the OR surrounded by no familiar faces. With no labor, there was no
supportive doula. My husband was told he had to wait outside the
room until I was prepped. My doctor had not even arrived yet.

In the OR I was given the spinal and lied down on the table which was
hard metal and much smaller and colder than I had anticipated. The
spinal quickly took effect. For the past nine months I had done what
was best for my body and my baby. But now I found myself naked,
alone and unable to move with what seemed like the brightest lights
in the world shining down upon me. A had already been shaved and the
catheter was being inserted. I just kept starring at the huge bulge
in my belly that I cared so much for and would do anything to protect
and keep safe.

They continued to prep me and the room. The spinal seemed to be
working too well. I felt like I had a 300 pound man standing on my
chest and I couldn't catch a good breath. The protective coverings
were coming off of the instrument trays. I expected to see scalpels,
scissors, clamps and gauze. I did not expect to see the huge
stainless steel crowbar. That's when I panicked and decided I was
going home!

As you can imagine I didn't get very far since all I could move was
my head and arms. But I sure tried! That's when my wrists were
strapped down to the table.

The anesthesiologist says that she didn't administer any IV drugs to
calm me. I sure would hope not because a drugged mom equals a
drugged baby. Since it wasn't her then I believe that the hand of
God came down upon me because I went from a total state of panic to a
surreal calm in just one big breath. He was with me at this moment
in my life when I felt so alone.

Despite every effort to fulfill my dream of a natural delivery, my
doctor and husband finally joined me in the operating room. By then
I was calm enough for the surgery.

I must admit, I got what I wished for. Quick and easy labor and
delivery. There was no labor. My baby got pulled out feet first.
My brave husband stood next to the doctor with the camera in hand.
He took one photo. My doctor's hands are wrapped around the baby's
ankles. His feet, legs and bottom are out, the rest of him still
inside.

Shortly after 11am "It's a Boy!" He was brought to the other side of
the room to be checked and weighed. I could hear him crying, I could
see a little bit of his dark hair, but he was too far for me to see
very well.

Finally he was swaddled and brought to me so I could get a good
look. He looked just like his sister. He was brought to the nursery
while I was sewed up and then transferred back into the "delivery
room".

I had heard so many horrific stories about the separation time
between moms and their babies following c-sections.

It is very common for babies to be bathed shortly after delivery.
The bath often causes the baby's body temp to drop and requires them
to stay under the warmers until its regulated. It can take hours.
Baby's need to be with their moms immediately following delivery!!!
Time spent with the nursery staff under warmers can prevent the baby
from nursing and getting the much needed sweet colostrum. Low sugar
levels require the nursery staff to give a bottle with sugar water or
formula.

I was given many tips and suggestions by my doula on how to avoid
this post-birth separation. I wanted to nurse my baby as soon as
possible, not have him fed by bottle in the nursery by some
stranger! I wanted to be with him for the first few hours following
delivery when they are most alert.

…and I did!

We had been VERY persistent that the baby NOT be bathed in the
nursery immediately following delivery. As soon as I was brought
back to the Labor and Delivery room, my son was brought to me. I had
over an hour to hold him, nurse him and gaze into his wide eyes
taking in the world for the first time. It was wonderful. I was so
excited. So euphoric. I was in no pain since the spinal was still
working 100% and was so happy to be holding my baby boy.

He went to the nursery for a while and I got moved into the recovery
room. I was comfortable. I loved the private room. My husband was
with me and it was a wonderful day.

…until about 9:00 pm when the spinal was wearing off and the pain
began. The pain that would still be lingering a full year later!!!
I was on the highest dose of pain meds allowed and getting it as
frequent as possible. I was still in more pain than I
anticipated!!!

The following day was horrible. I felt as if I had a gash in my gut
12 inches wide and 12 inches deep. The meds were making me nauseous,
I felt very loopy, but I was still in a tremendous amount of pain.

Besides the constant pain I had episodes that are difficult to
describe, yet more than a year later I can recall them vividly. When
I changed positions, I felt like I had M 80's (dynamite like
fireworks) going off in my lower belly. These explosions made my
insides feel like they were getting ripped apart. The pain was so
intense that it felt like fire. I thought that I was blowing out all
my internal stitches – the nursing staff and doctors assured me that
it wasn't possible.

My first shower was memorable to say the least. I took my meds and
got out of bed about a half hour later. Once I was in the shower I
never imagined that the feel of water running over my abdomen could
cause so much pain. It was so horrible that I got out – full of
soap – and back into bed. I rinsed off hours later. Even then, it
hurt just as badly.

I spent 5 days in the hospital. Five days in lots of pain. Five
days in the care of professionals. Five days on the best pain
management pills they had to offer.

And then I was sent home. Sent home with a gut full of staples.
Sent home with a newborn to care for. Sent home to my two
other "babies" ages 2 and 4 who had missed me so much. Sent home
with a prescription for more pain meds.

It took me a full week before I could get in or out of a chair
without assistance. I could not get in and out of my bed. I had to
sleep in a recliner. My husband had to sleep on the couch next to me
to help throughout the night. He had to hand me the baby for
feedings, and take him away when he was done.

I could not move. I could not put on pants without help. I could
not tie my shoe. I could not bend over enough to put a dish in the
lower shelf of my dishwasher. I could not pick up something that I
dropped. I could not hold my other 2 kids. I put a pillow on my lap
so I could tolerate holding my newborn. It hurt EVERYTIME something
touched or even rubbed against my belly.

The exact time scale of the following events I can not exactly
recall. The following 6 months of my life were a blur. I went back
to my OBGYN several times because of the incredible amount of pain I
was in. I was told repeatedly:
"Give it more time."
"Give it more time."
"Give it more time."
"Give it more time."

…at 12 weeks post surgery my doctor realized that time wasn't
helping. I was painfully examined. No answers. I was sent for
internal and external sonograms. As the sonogram tech examined me I
winced with every stroke. Finally I broke into tears and told her I
couldn't take the pain for one more minute. I anxiously awaited the
results. Everything looked fine!!!! I still had no answers.

Maybe it was a hernia. I was referred to another surgeon. Another
abdominal surgery! I was devastated. I had been in pain every
minute of every day since my last surgery, and now I may need
another? How could I be hospitalized and away from my 100% breastfed
4 month old baby boy? Who would care for my family as I recovered?
When would life ever return to normal? When would I be able to enjoy
my three little children?

My baby was now 5 months old and I still needed a pillow on my lap to
hold him. I would stand at my kitchen sink sideways resting my
hipbone on the edge of the counter top because it hurt so badly if my
belly touched it. I had gotten in the habit of picking up things
with my toes. My young kids frequently played their new game
called "Can't bend over." I didn't have any energy. Every day was a
struggle. I dreaded the thought of taking 3 kids under the age of 5
to the grocery store. I could not cough, laugh or sneeze without
feeling like I was being stabbed.

Was I depressed? You bet. I felt like the world was spinning out of
control around me and I couldn't keep up. I was living in chronic
pain and chaos.

Out of desperation for answers, in need of a second opinion and on
the verge of a total breakdown I made an appointment with my Primary
Care Physician. She is an amazing MD who also studies and practices
alternative medicine. At my appointment with her I told her
everything I have just shared with you.

She poked and pushed on my still tender tummy. She ruled out a
hernia or ovarian cysts. And then she recommended acupuncture.
Acupuncture? It was something I knew nothing about. At this point I
was willing to try anything. She explained to me that we have rivers
of energy flowing through our bodies. That it was very likely that
the c-section surgery had disrupted the flow and an energy blockage
was causing the pain.

Would you believe that several needles and less that 30 minutes later
as I was re-examined, my pain had been reduced by 50%. I walked out
of her office with a smile on my face and cancelled my upcoming
appointment with the surgeon.

Over the next few months I went for several more acupuncture
treatments. Each time the pain level reduced a bit more. The best
way to describe it is that previous to my first treatment my pain
level was 9 out of 10. When I walked out of the office that day it
was a 5. But a few weeks later when I returned it would be back to
an 8. After more acupuncture, it was reduced to a 4. When I
returned for my next appointment had increased back to a 7, and when
I left it was a 3. And so on.

A routine annual physical determined that I was hypothyroid. That
would partly explain why I was feeling as horrible as I was. Why I
had no energy to make it through the day. Why I couldn't loose
weight. Why my hair was falling out and I was cold all the time.
Why I was having difficulty remembering things.

I'll never know how long I went undiagnosed. Did it also explain my
fatigue during pregnancy? Could this be the reason I healed from the
surgery so poorly? Why my scar looked fresh for months? I don't
know.

What I do know is that today my pain level is down to a 1. It is now
tolerable and the pain no longer consumes my every thought, yet still
lingers. It has been 17 months since the birth of my son and I have
just scheduled what I hope will be my last acupuncture treatment. I
hope and pray that the tingly and itchiness will someday go away. I
hope to lie comfortably on my stomach again.

I am FINALLY beginning to enjoy my kids, my husband and my life again.

-Mindy from Clarence, NY