On Tue, 3 Oct 2000, Dana Beal wrote:

> At 6:42 PM -0400 9/26/00, White Light wrote:
> >Some people are, i donnt want to say in a bad way but *out there*
> >dana beal has PKD, patrick kroupa is tlaking about i dont know what
> >but he sees lights all the time and the purple light fixes
> >everything, nick sandberg is writing articles about the same thing.
> >
> >the difference between all of u and NA is in na they keep telling
> >you to do all this to get intouch with your 'higher power' you guys
> >are *on* all the time.
>
read valis and then the nag hammadi.

aleister crowley's magick in theory and practice also has useful
programming techniques but is arcane and filled with traps for
morons and low enders.

a fundamental to "higher power" or "enightenment" is deciding that you are
and then thinking and acting accordingly - eventually it will come if you
are suited by nature and temperment.

not what it is cracked up to be though, ignorance IS bliss.

sometimes i envy the normals. not much though.

rupert

> Maybe we're just in touch with our higher power.
>
> At 10:50 PM -0400 9/27/00, booker w wrote:
> >Hi. You're right in that for each addict it "takes whatever it
> >takes," and that seems to be a very individual road. I took
> >ibogaine 3 times - still relapsed. No doubt the ibogaine made my
> >relapse so uncomfortable that I knew I couldn't continue to get
> >high, but also didn't know how to stay quit. I know you don't like
> >it, but for me the 12 step road is definitely proving to be the way
> >for me to stay quit continuously. I resisted the 12 step route for
> >twenty-five years! Why...I don't have a clue as I am not stupid and
> >knew that they had the highest success rate. I was just too
> >stubborn and rebellious and hadn't been knocked down enough I guess.
> >
> >Addictions are such a puzzle and again it seems to take whatever it
> >takes. It seems like if you just keep throwing stuff at it,
> >whatever you do, finally something softens and maybe it can end. I
> >only have three months clean again, but I do feel like I may've
> >found the lasting way to stay clean - the "tools" as they say. Even
> >tho I still desire to get high often, when I was getting high this
> >last time there was absolutely no real enjoyment of it and no peace
> >whatsoever. At least I have that peace now. In my opinion trying
> >more ibogaine could help, but I agree with Jane, just keep trying
> >anything. I had hoped that ibogaine was that "magic pill" too, but
> >even tho it made a lasting difference, it definitely wasn't the
> >whole answer.
> >
> >Best of wishes and don't give up.
> >Sandy
>
> My higher power is as good as your higher power. In fact they are, I
> suspect, one & the same.
>
> At 7:13 PM -0400 9/29/00, White Light wrote:
> >Patrick i've read some of what you wrote and no way am I doing that.
> >If you think ibogaine is weak as a 'headchange tool and spiritual
> >integrater' and follow it up with 2 or 3 mg of lsd because that will
> >'blow apart ego boundaries' you are you and you are not me. ibogaine
> >was not 'weak' to me, it was hell. I would rather spend 10 years in
> >NA meetings then eat 20 or 30 doses of lsd. I hate acid its even
> >more awful then ibogaine. I know u didnt recommend that to me but
> >even doing 2 or 3 doses is awful and I dont want to do acid or
> >ketamine or anything that makes me 'trip' i dont like it.
> >
> >Nick yes the us and them people are everywhere. I'm not a us and
> >them person I think whatever floats your boat is fine. I am not sure
> >if its because i'm repressed or in denial or whatever people have
> >said to me through mail but you, patrick, are both saying that there
> >has to be something wrong with me if I like to get high. Maybe im
> >not you guys and i dont like pschedelic drugs, I like heroin. I want
> >to stay off it and will try what I can if i have to do ibogaine
> >again i will do it after that I dont know what yet but it wont be
> >lsd. all ibogaine had reminded me of is how much i hate pschedelics
> >and dont want to ever do them.
>
> Tried melatonin? Dreaming at nite definitely takes the edge off.
> Gives you a feeling of more SPACE in your head to fall back into, so
> life doesn't seem so jammed up. A pretty benign way to get some of
> the same NMDA action as Ibo--and naturally, while you're asleep.
>
> Dana/cnw
>
>
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