[Dana Beal] has written:

| At 6:42 PM -0400 9/26/00, White Light wrote:

| >the difference between all of u and NA is in na they keep telling
| >you to do all this to get intouch with your 'higher power' you guys
| >are *on* all the time.
|
| Maybe we're just in touch with our higher power.

<BinG> <bINg> <BING> Yup. However ya do it, and whatever it means to
you, that's pretty much it. Period.

| At 10:50 PM -0400 9/27/00, booker w wrote:

| >Addictions are such a puzzle and again it seems to take whatever it
| >takes. It seems like if you just keep throwing stuff at it,
| >whatever you do, finally something softens and maybe it can end. I
| >only have three months clean again, but I do feel like I may've
| >found the lasting way to stay clean - the "tools" as they say. Even
| >tho I still desire to get high often, when I was getting high this
| >last time there was absolutely no real enjoyment of it and no peace
| >whatsoever. At least I have that peace now. In my opinion trying
| >more ibogaine could help, but I agree with Jane, just keep trying
| >anything. I had hoped that ibogaine was that "magic pill" too, but
| >even tho it made a lasting difference, it definitely wasn't the
| >whole answer.
| >
| >Best of wishes and don't give up.
| >Sandy
|
| My higher power is as good as your higher power. In fact they are, I
| suspect, one & the same.

Whoa, hey, that's two out of two I am in complete agreement with. 'Cuz,
ya know, if you listen very long, the tune will come to you at last, when
all are one, and one is all. Or sumthin' like that, pardon me if I've
misquoted dinosaur-rock.

| At 7:13 PM -0400 9/29/00, White Light wrote:
| >Patrick i've read some of what you wrote and no way am I doing that.
| >If you think ibogaine is weak as a 'headchange tool and spiritual
| >integrater' and follow it up with 2 or 3 mg of lsd because that will
| >'blow apart ego boundaries' you are you and you are not me. ibogaine
| >was not 'weak' to me, it was hell. I would rather spend 10 years in
| >NA meetings then eat 20 or 30 doses of lsd. I hate acid its even
| >more awful then ibogaine. I know u didnt recommend that to me but
| >even doing 2 or 3 doses is awful and I dont want to do acid or
| >ketamine or anything that makes me 'trip' i dont like it.

I am struck on more than one occasion, by the burning question: what the
fuck are you reading...? Certainly not my replies to your mail. I would
highly suggest NOT doing 2-3mg of LSD, 'cuz the only place it's gonna lead
you is the ER, and that's if you're lucky. If you're gonna do acid, take
one, try to hit center a little; if ya like it, take 2, 3, 5 more.
Whatever, but I really, REALLY, wouldn't do 20-30 hits all at once in your
present state. -- NOT that I'm personally suggesting thatcha go do any
LSD at all. I'm speaking hypothetically.

| >to stay off it and will try what I can if i have to do ibogaine
| >again i will do it after that I dont know what yet but it wont be
| >lsd. all ibogaine had reminded me of is how much i hate pschedelics
| >and dont want to ever do them.

See, the thing is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with getting "high."
Everyone is born to get high, that's how you're wired up, to seek altered
states; sex, drugs, rock n' roll, religion, all that fun stuff.

The problem is when you equate getting high, to getting numb (which is
what doin' heroin is all about). If being numb is a vast improvement over
your present state, then it'd tend to indicate that you're living in a
lotta pain, and it might be a great idea to process some of it, and try to
get through it.

You mentioned that people sent you a buncha mail, you received a variety
of responses here, so basically try some of 'em -- or don't. You don't
HAVE TO stay off dope, unless that's what you want. Ultimately, I
personally find that what really works, is just not sticking needles in my
arms anymore. This has a 100% success rate.

Patrick / digital@...



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