At 6:42 PM -0400 9/26/00, White Light wrote:
>Some people are, i donnt want to say in a bad way but *out there*
>dana beal has PKD, patrick kroupa is tlaking about i dont know what
>but he sees lights all the time and the purple light fixes
>everything, nick sandberg is writing articles about the same thing.
>
>the difference between all of u and NA is in na they keep telling
>you to do all this to get intouch with your 'higher power' you guys
>are *on* all the time.

Maybe we're just in touch with our higher power.

At 10:50 PM -0400 9/27/00, booker w wrote:
>Hi. You're right in that for each addict it "takes whatever it
>takes," and that seems to be a very individual road. I took
>ibogaine 3 times - still relapsed. No doubt the ibogaine made my
>relapse so uncomfortable that I knew I couldn't continue to get
>high, but also didn't know how to stay quit. I know you don't like
>it, but for me the 12 step road is definitely proving to be the way
>for me to stay quit continuously. I resisted the 12 step route for
>twenty-five years! Why...I don't have a clue as I am not stupid and
>knew that they had the highest success rate. I was just too
>stubborn and rebellious and hadn't been knocked down enough I guess.
>
>Addictions are such a puzzle and again it seems to take whatever it
>takes. It seems like if you just keep throwing stuff at it,
>whatever you do, finally something softens and maybe it can end. I
>only have three months clean again, but I do feel like I may've
>found the lasting way to stay clean - the "tools" as they say. Even
>tho I still desire to get high often, when I was getting high this
>last time there was absolutely no real enjoyment of it and no peace
>whatsoever. At least I have that peace now. In my opinion trying
>more ibogaine could help, but I agree with Jane, just keep trying
>anything. I had hoped that ibogaine was that "magic pill" too, but
>even tho it made a lasting difference, it definitely wasn't the
>whole answer.
>
>Best of wishes and don't give up.
>Sandy

My higher power is as good as your higher power. In fact they are, I
suspect, one & the same.

At 7:13 PM -0400 9/29/00, White Light wrote:
>Patrick i've read some of what you wrote and no way am I doing that.
>If you think ibogaine is weak as a 'headchange tool and spiritual
>integrater' and follow it up with 2 or 3 mg of lsd because that will
>'blow apart ego boundaries' you are you and you are not me. ibogaine
>was not 'weak' to me, it was hell. I would rather spend 10 years in
>NA meetings then eat 20 or 30 doses of lsd. I hate acid its even
>more awful then ibogaine. I know u didnt recommend that to me but
>even doing 2 or 3 doses is awful and I dont want to do acid or
>ketamine or anything that makes me 'trip' i dont like it.
>
>Nick yes the us and them people are everywhere. I'm not a us and
>them person I think whatever floats your boat is fine. I am not sure
>if its because i'm repressed or in denial or whatever people have
>said to me through mail but you, patrick, are both saying that there
>has to be something wrong with me if I like to get high. Maybe im
>not you guys and i dont like pschedelic drugs, I like heroin. I want
>to stay off it and will try what I can if i have to do ibogaine
>again i will do it after that I dont know what yet but it wont be
>lsd. all ibogaine had reminded me of is how much i hate pschedelics
>and dont want to ever do them.

Tried melatonin? Dreaming at nite definitely takes the edge off.
Gives you a feeling of more SPACE in your head to fall back into, so
life doesn't seem so jammed up. A pretty benign way to get some of
the same NMDA action as Ibo--and naturally, while you're asleep.

Dana/cnw


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