Hello everyone,
I am just writing to give everyone a quick update on how I am
doing. I am still clean since my second ibogaine dose. That gives me
37 days clean from heroin today. Just for the record I haven't had any
other illegal substances or alcohol in that time either although I do
smoke, and since I work in a coffee shop, I drink rather a lot of
caffiene.
My sleep has never really become normal but since I was drinking and
drugging for a good 15 years, I have never had a very normal sleep
pattern. I have rarely needed more than about 6 hours of sleep since
taking the ibogaine and 3 to 5 is pretty common. Some days I have been
able to sleep only about 1 but I haven't had any serious problems
functioning on that much sleep so I don't mind it. I usually wake up
tired but unable to sleep anymore which is a curious thing it seems to
me but I accept it. So I begin most days feeling a little crabby and
irritable but that subsides as the day goes on.
Boredom, a problem common to a lot of sober opiate addicts has been
non-existant. Even with my long waking periods I can't find enough time
to do all the things I want to. I work as much as possible as I am in a
good bit of debt but that is getting paid off which makes me feel good.
In addition to work I try to go for a bicycle ride for 2 to 4 hours a
day followed by a half hour or so of yoga for stretching. Yoga is
something I have just recently been getting into and I use it just for
stretching right now as I really don't have a teacher to learn what it's
really all about. I also do quite a bit of reading and writing and some
of my writing about my heroin experiences has started to appear on the
web and in various publications. Someone I had been writing to about my
experiences for well over a year, since I was deep in my addiction, has
compiled the letters and says she can sell them so I am excited about
that prospect. I also submitted something for publication that was
accepted but came back from the editor so changed it really bothered
me. I have never had that experience before but I guess maybe I will
have to get used to it if I want to pursue this writing thing. I have
been writing for a long time I just never tried to get anything
published before so I had never experienced the "work" of an editor
before.
As for my mental state, I have been for the most part very happy.
Since my ibogaine experience I have come to the unshakable conclusion
that all of my problems and even my bad moods are created by me. It is
essentially all in my head. While it is ok to have bad moods, and maybe
even integral to the human condition, I refuse to stew in negetive
thoughts. If I find myself unhappy for an extended period I find
something to do that will make me cease thinking all together.
Something more than distracting, something where I can operate more on
instinct.
There was some discussion recently about LSD, mushroooms, and peyote
that I wanted to add my two cents to. I have taken all of these things
on numerous occasions and while the effects could sometimes be quite
spiritual, they never produced any lasting changes in me. I have come
to look at them as more of an interesting change in perception and even
something of just a good time under the right circumstances. I think
most people on this list know they are not the sort of drugs you can
just take anytime you want a high. But that is what I had come to look
at them like. Based on my experience with those drugs I had come to
look at all hallucinogens in a similar light. Ibogaine was different
though. I can recall quite well several of the more profound ideas I
experienced on the drug and several very important issues regarding how
I view my life and the world have changed very drastically. And I have
no reason to believe that these changes are temporary because they are
fundamental in the way I think and behave and I am as certain now of the
conclusions I came to while under the influence of the drug as I was
when I first came to them. At any rate, I have found ibogaine to be
much more of a spiritual tool than a high.
Good luck to anyone who is looking to use ibogaine for a substance
abuse problem. I wish you as much success as I have found. But I would
also like to add that I didn't get these results on my first dose so if
you are disappointed in your first experience, as I was, don't get
discouraged. Take care everybody.
--Fish <--my only obstacle is me