Exploring the "Should's": Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?
By ADD Management Coach Jennifer Koretsky
© Copyright 2004

How many times a day do you find yourself using the word "should"?
ADDers are full of "should's": I should do the dishes, I should clean
out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend,
etc. The word "should" can be very dangerous to an adult with ADD,
because it often results in guilt.

In order to break through this and help you prioritize the things
that you "should" do, try exploring your "should's" by asking
yourself the following question:

Is this a necessity, a desire, or guilt? Here are some examples:

I should do my taxes.
Necessity: If you don't do your taxes, you can find your finances
slipping out of control. You can end up owing the government penalty
fees. And you will absolutely have undue stress. This "should" is a
necessity.

I should buy that CD.
Desire: This is something that you want to make you happy. You like
the music you hear, and therefore you want to own it. This "should"
is a desire.

I should clean my house more often.
Guilt: If the "should" comes when you compare yourself to others,
then guilt is probably involved. It often happens when we feel like
we are not living up to the performance or expectations of others (or
our perceived performance/expectations of others.) If you visit a
friend's house and its neat and clean, you may falsely interpret this
to mean that your friend cleans all the time. In reality, your
friend may have spent hours cleaning her/his house before you arrived
to make it look nice! If you are physically and mentally comfortable
with the amount of time you spend cleaning your house, then cleaning
more often is not a necessity, it's not a desire, its a "should" that
is just useless guilt!

Try this exercise for a whole day. Every time you find yourself
using the word "should," ask yourself if its a necessity, desire, or
guilt. I promise that you'll feel a lot a better about all the
things you think you "should" be doing!


About the Author:
Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps
adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She encourages
clients to increase self-awareness, focus on strengths, and create
realistic action plans. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building
program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured
in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine. To
subscribe to Jennifer's free email newsletter, The ADD Management
Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm.