John,

I think that's a great observation on your part! I think you ned to focus
more on how you want to live your life and less on how your girlfriend needs
to live hers. Then you scan hare with her how you have decided you want to
live. If she can accept the lifestyle you have chosen then perhaps down the
road there will be an opportunity for you two to share that life.

It's completely reasonable that you would want to live your life without all
of the turmoil and misery that an addictive lifestyle can bring. It's also
understandable that you have your own set of values that you would like to
live your life by. It would be wonderful if you could find another person
who shares your vision and values and could join you in life's journey.
That's where the decision becomes hers. Is she willing to do what she has
to do to become a part of your life again? Or does she plan to continue to
embrace an addiction that promises to return only grief and sorrow.

I know it took me a long time to get to the point where you find yourself
right now . . . understanding that I need to focus on my life . . . on my
decisions . . . because it is the only thing I have control over.

I applaud your progress and your courage. If you continue on your path
things will get better for you.

Good Luck & God Bless,
Gary B.

>From: "John Mudie" <bulk@...>
>Reply-To: gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com
>To: <gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com>
>Subject: [GAMANON SUPPORT GROUP ] Who's gotta change ?
>Date: Tue, 31 May 2005 20:51:33 -0700
>
>When I drafted my letter to my partner about changes that had to occur for
>us to get back together again, I realized that my idea was that she was
>going to have to do a lot of changing before we could get back together. A
>small voice whispered to me "How come she has to do all the changing?" and
>I
>began to get real suspicious about what I was trying to do as experience
>tells me that trying to change other people doesn't work too well.
>
>Then we had a small difficulty and she once again started berating me,
>making it all my fault, raising her voice etc etc, behavior I consider
>unacceptable and which I want to see go away if we get back together again.
>
>And I sat and listened to it all on the phone.
>
>And I got it.
>
>If this behavior is going to change, its not her that has to stop. Its me
>that's going to stop it by refusing to listen to it. I could have hung up
>the phone. I didn't.
>
>Next time, with God's help, I'll try to hang up the phone or walk away.
>
>I guess the changes have to start with me.
>
>John
>
>