Pupni,

Basket makes some very good points regarding the legalities of your situation.
If you live in a "no fault" state (like I do) … the courts see divorce as
nothing more than a financial settlement between the husband & wife. The see
their role as mediator & their mission is to ensure that both parties have the
same opportunity to live in a style that they had grown customary to during
their marriage. Like Basket stated … if you go way back into the posting
archives you can read about my experiences during my divorce proceedings. It
was a very frustrating expereince for me.

There is however a very big difference between your situation & mine. My ex & I
had no support-age children that we needed to discuss custody issues regarding.
Both our son & daughter were well beyond the age which required those
discussions.

One other thing … even though in a "no fault" state the judge presiding over the
case is under no obligation to listen to arguments regarding marital misconduct,
most of these states do give the judge the latitude to take these arguments into
consideration, at their own discretion. That is why it is so important to
carefully select a well-respected divorce attorney that has a proven track
record in your area. The way they present the case can make all the difference
in the world.

One more thing … make sure you understand EVERYTHING about your case. Make your
attorney explain things to you & ask them to discuss their strategy that they
plans on using during the case. You are paying for that and entitled to stay
informed. Don't hesitate to ask lots of questions.

Good Luck & God Bless,
Gary B


--- In gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com, basket1952 <no_reply@...> wrote:
>
> I met with an attorney when I found out about my CG husband's return to
gambling about 2 years ago. Was the first thing I did. I suppose it depends
upon the state in which you live, but you may find you have very little recourse
in dictating child custody/visitation and distribution of assets/debts. Makes
sense to us, loved ones of gamblers who have devastated us emotionally and
financially, that the ultimate distribution of assets and debts and
custody/visitation would take into account the gambling addiction. But the
reality is, NO IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE MOST TIMES, legally that is. You
may find that you will split the assets AND the debt 50/50 if that is how it
goes in your state. You may find, that unless your husband is a child abuser,
convicted, that he will have as much access to the child as you do and he can
file for full physical custody and go after you for support if he so chooses.
Might he use that support to gamble rather than care for the child? Yes. Will
that enter into the decision? Probably not.
>
> The debt from the line of credit . . . may well depend upon whether or not you
signed on the dotted line. My CG spouse took out a line of credit on our house
but it is in his name only. Lawyer told me that it would be his debt alone,
since I didn't sign the document at all. Attorney advised me to NOT pay it off
first. Some of the credit card debt might come back on me, but his one
wouldn't. So an attorney can clarify your position as regards that debt, but
you may well get half of it, unfair as that is.
>
> Gary is so very right in his advice that discussing and arguing with an addict
is a losing proposition. If you haven't done so already, get a really good
attorney and work with him/her to get this over with quickly and as amicably as
possible. Won't be fair to you at all. Read back over Gary's posts about his
experiences and you will see what I mean.
>
>
> --- In gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com, pupni <no_reply@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > I have not written in awhile. My CG husband soon to be x husband and I are
in divorce preceedings. We are trying to negotiate custody of our child and the
debt. Two things. First, I still find it hard to believe that he wants a
divorce, I am still in denial, he says there are two sides. I have always and
continue to maintain that I wanted him to get help and that I wanted to be a
family. But that I can not be married nor raise our child with an addict. He
insists that he does not want to get help and that he does not want to be
married to me. And I still don't get it, I don't understand his reasoning. Any
insight please!!!
> >
> > Second, he starts on about how he wants joint custody, which I say
absolutely not, supervised visitation until he gets help, and that I want my
name off the Line of Credit that HE ran up gambling, and that he may have to
sell his house to pay it off he gets nasty and starts threatening me. What does
he expect, a divorce means you go your way and I go mine, and how am I suppose
to live always wondering if he makes the payment on the line of credit and also
how am I to move on get in a new relationship and have that hanging over my
head. Any thoughts?
> >
>