Pupni,

You Wrote:
I have not written in awhile. My CG husband (soon to be x husband) & I are in
divorce proceedings. We are trying to negotiate custody of our child & the debt.
Two things. 1st, I still find it hard to believe that he wants a divorce. I am
still in denial. He says there are 2 sides. I have always & continue to maintain
that I wanted him to get help & that I wanted to be a family. But that I cannot
be married nor raise our child w/an addict. He insists that he does not want to
get help & that he does not want to be married to me. I still don't get it. I
don't understand his reasoning. Any insight please!!!

My Response:
I was also married to a compulsive gambler & I reached the point (after a long
separation) where I elected to file for a divorce. For me … I had to wait until
I could fully accept that my wife was not going to commit to recovery & had
chosen her new addictive lifestyle over our marriage & family. It's a hard
thing to do but in my case the separation enabled me to remove the daily drama &
see things from a more rational & logical perspective. As far as reasoning …
you can't reason with an addict so don't try. They eventually reach a point
where you can't tell who is talking … the person or the addiction.

You Wrote:
2nd, he starts on about how he wants joint custody, which I say absolutely not,
supervised visitation until he gets help, & that I want my name off the Line of
Credit that HE ran up gambling, & that he may have to sell his house to pay it
off he gets nasty & starts threatening me. What does he expect, a divorce means
you go your way and I go mine, and how am I suppose to live always wondering if
he makes the payment on the line of credit and also how am I to move on get in a
new relationship and have that hanging over my head? Any thoughts?

My Response:
My 1st thought is enlist the services of a good divorce attorney, supply him
with all the information he needs to show that your husband has behaved in an
irrational & irresponsible manner due to his gambling addiction. It should make
your custody battle a much easier one. It will also go a long way in
explaining why you need to be protected financially from your husband's poor
decisions involving money. His threatening is a natural response when he feels
like he is in a no win situation. Remember … gamblers like to think they can
win, even when the odds are stacked against them. You are absolutely correct in
your insistence on doing whatever you need to do to protect your financial
interests in the future.

Good Luck & God Bless,
Gary B


--- In gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com, pupni <no_reply@...> wrote:
>
> Hi,
>
> I have not written in awhile. My CG husband soon to be x husband and I are in
divorce preceedings. We are trying to negotiate custody of our child and the
debt. Two things. First, I still find it hard to believe that he wants a
divorce, I am still in denial, he says there are two sides. I have always and
continue to maintain that I wanted him to get help and that I wanted to be a
family. But that I can not be married nor raise our child with an addict. He
insists that he does not want to get help and that he does not want to be
married to me. And I still don't get it, I don't understand his reasoning. Any
insight please!!!
>
> Second, he starts on about how he wants joint custody, which I say absolutely
not, supervised visitation until he gets help, and that I want my name off the
Line of Credit that HE ran up gambling, and that he may have to sell his house
to pay it off he gets nasty and starts threatening me. What does he expect, a
divorce means you go your way and I go mine, and how am I suppose to live always
wondering if he makes the payment on the line of credit and also how am I to
move on get in a new relationship and have that hanging over my head. Any
thoughts?
>