hello everyone,
i am the fiance of a cg. he is going to councelling, and ga.(i have gone
to meetings with him, he invited me, so i know he is going) he quit for 8
months. he works at a gambling establishment but says that although he has bet
there in the past, its not really his gambling of choice. his is scratch tickets
and on occasion casinos. because he appeared to be putting alot of effort into
stopping, and i believe he did, i helped him pay off an overdraft for a bank so
that he could get a checking acct. so he wouldnt have to carry cash.i have
access online so i can see what he is spending his money on in case i get
worried, and he told me he would not take out money from the atm. well recently
he cashed two checks for 150. each. on a big gambling day.(the derby). when i
confronted him, he said he cashed two checks for guys he worked for so they
could bet,until they got their pay at the end of the day. they ditched him that
day, but paid him the day or two after...then made a deposit in the bank. side
story here...he works for a company who pays him by check and he has not showed
me the checks, or the stubs and they are made out to his business, and cannot
cash them at the bank so has to cash them at his work, then deposit. i dont know
if it is the check from the business he deposited, or the money he supposedly
got from them. 10 days later....he withdrew 150. one day...then 50. the next.
never told me or explained why. last night i called in sick and went out. (he
always wants to know where i am and what i am doing and have always told him
since i have nothing to hide) i went for a drive to the casino, alone. i dont
have a gambling addiction...and have not been to a casino since he started going
to g.a. i spent 20. and came home. when he questioned me where i was...i told
him "you want me to be up front and honest with you, yet you cant be up front
and honest with me." perhaps this is a childish manuver..but i wanted him to
know what it feels like to "not know". i told him 3 times in the past i wanted
councelling and he finally scheduled it last week. our first session is this
thursday. we havent really talked, im waiting for him to be honest and explain
without me confronting him. im tired of this whole thing honestly and when he
asked if he should book the chapel for the date we set......i said i wanted to
wait until we get councelling. im hurt, aggrevated, and sick over the whole
thing. i dont tell him how much i make, because he wants to spend it "lets go
away for the weekend" when he doesnt have the money to do it. we put bill money
into a joint checking and he hasnt touched that, but i am seriously considering
taking my name off it. we seperated money a few months ago...he used to give me
his check, id deposit bill money into my acct, give him his money for the week
and it never seemed to be enough.we had two debit cards for my checking and he
was overspending....so i had to seperate. i feel like i am doing everything to
save this relationship. everything but taking care of myself. its alot of
stress. i dont know how to seperate and feel if he gambles he gambles...and let
it go and take care of me. i dont want him to sink me financially which is why i
put the wedding off until after councelling. everything is in my name and i own
my own place. he came with nothing.
sorry this is so long but i am at my wits end here.......i thought he was doing
well and it looks bad for him at this point. he hasnt told me he is
gambling..nor would i expect him to. he lied to me for 14 months of our
relationship, and has been clean for 8...am i supposed to trust this early on
that he isnt gambling and doing the right thing with his money? i dont feel i
should be, but maybe i am wrong.
any advice? i sure could use some.
v.