Carmen,
For me, "stopping" the enabling is a forever active thing . .not sure I can ever
say that I "stopped" totally, since it is so insidious. Part of that for me was
learning how to set boundaries and limits. One of my boundaries/limits was that
I would not live with an active gambler, period. None of this "I'll gamble
less", "I need to gamble some" . . .if he wanted to stay married to me he would
have to give it up, period. I finally reached a point where this was not a
terribly emotional ultimatum. I was finally able to just flat out state that I
WILL NOT stay with him if he is actively gambling, period. He MUST work a
program, and that would include active participation in GA, counseling with a
gambling addictions specialist, and any other treatments deemed necessary. He
could either get with that program or not. I really didn't care one way or the
other at that point. I just KNEW what I could and could not tolerate for me and
my life from that point forward. Period. So I was able to deliver that
ultimatum in a clear, unemotional, rational fashion. Take it or leave it.
Either would work for me. I can tell you that was pretty unnerving for my
husband. He knew I was deadly serious at that point (I suppose that shows
improvement in my enabling ways) and actively made a choice and commitment at
that point that he continues to work on, now 19 months later. (He has gambled
for many, many years). That said, I am sure in many ways I continue to fall
into enabling from time to time. Probably always will, but I hope and pray that
my awareness and vigilance of what if going on in my life will continue to be as
actue as it has been, maybe even more so, so that if he relapses or gives up, I
detect it sooner, not later and move on quickly.

I hope you keep posting. There are many thoughtful, caring, and helpful people
who post on this site.

My only other suggestion for you is that when you type in all capital letters it
is "shouting" on line! Also it is harder to read with all caps for old tired
eyes!

Post again.


--- In gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com, "carmenchacon@..."
<carmenchacon@...> wrote:
>
> I HAVE STOPPED ENABLING MY CG HUSBAND NOW WHAT?? WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT BECAUSE
HE STILL GAMBLING BUT IT SEEMS LESS BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME. HE SAYS ITS
A PROCESS FOR HIM AND THAT HE CANNOT STOP COMPLETLY FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER
BECAUSE HE JUST CANNOT!!! HE SAYS HE WILL STOP GOING LESS AND LESS TO THE
CASINO'S. I FRANKLY DONT DONT HAVE ANY MORE HOPE OR FAITH, I HAVE CAME TO THE
CONCLUSION THAT SOMETIMES I JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE AND I SEND HIM VIBES AND
FEELING THAT I DONT CARE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE ITS HIS PROBLEM AND NOT MINE. IM
TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE AND DOING THINGS FOR MYSELF AND IF ONE DAY HE STOPS
GAMBLING AND IM STILL HERE OK; AND IF ONE DAY I DECIDE TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND THAN
THATS OK ALSO. I AM OUT OF IDEAS AND ENERGY AND FAITH, I JUST LET HIM BE BUT I
DONT LET HIM HAVE ACCESS TO MY MONEY, IF HE WANTS TO GO DOWN THEN HE AINT TAKING
ME DOWN, AS HE KNOWS... THANKS FOR LISTENING AND LET ME VENT TONIGHT
>