The first time I discovered my CG spouse's gambling (son was about 11
years old at that time) I figured out that my part time earnings over
the past 11 years probably equalled what my husband had gambled
away. I don't think he 'accounted' for it that way, don't think it
ever entered his mind, but it was vivid in mine. I had worked hard
part time while maintaining almost full responsibility for raising a
boy who was often sick and needed 4 major surgeries, multiple doctor
visits, dealing with child care, illness, time off from work,
etc . . . often felt that working was really difficult to do with him
being so sick and in need of time and attention . . but I figured out
how to pull it all off . . . well, when it occurred to me that all I
had struggled to earn during those years essentially had been gambled
away . . . the anger I felt was immense.

You say you are working double and he is working half . . not fair in
any way, shape or form. Work for yourself, only. Take care of
YOU.

You said he "found" the cash card you had hidden. Cash that card as
soon as you get your hands on it and put the money into an account in
your name only; an account he cannot access at all - ever. Hiding
things isn't effective . . . addicts will figure out hiding places
and you are back at square one.

Hopefully his family will quit enabling him, but you have no more
control over them than you do over him. Work on YOU and protect
yourself.




--- In gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com, "jessicabegins29"
<Miakat44@...> wrote:
>
> I haven't posted in a while. Mainly because I have been working 12
> hours a day to make up for the fact that my CG pretty much got laid
> off work for a while. He is still working a few days a week and
> getting unemployment for the days he doesn't work.
>
> I haven't had much time for anything. I'm doing my best to keep us
> financially ok during this hard time. I have been disappointed in
the
> way my CG has chosen to spend his time off. I guess I figure if I
am
> working double and he is working half of what he normally works, he
> could spend lots of time working on his recovery and helping out a
lot
> around the house. Instead, he was just hanging out with his friends
> and started getting into online poker. He never played with our
> money, but on his brother's account. Either way, I told him it is a
> stupid thing to start doing being a gambler and being that we live 2
> seconds from a casino with a poker room.
>
> In Vegas, unemployment is put on a prepaid visa card and you can
then
> pay bills with it or take the money off the card at a bank. As soon
> as we received the card in the mail, I took it away from him and hid
> it. I guess I didn't hide it good enough because he found it and
> gambled half of it away 2 days ago.
>
> I was furious that #1-his gambling canceled out the money that I was
> working over time to get for our family. I have been so tired and I
> feel like I worked the extra hours for nothing because the casino
has
> the money now. #2-how could he gamble when he is barely working and
we
> are trying to conserve money.
>
> He made a bunch of promises about getting help and fixing the
problem.
> Its the same thing he says every time. Things haven't been great
> with us the past 2 days, but they were getting better. I decided to
> leave the prepaid visa card with him because I wanted to see if he
was
> honestly going to stop gambling. When I checked the balance on the
> card, I found that he took the rest of the money today while I was
> working a shift in addition to the one I had to work tonight. I
lost
> my mind and told him to pack his stuff and get out by the time I get
> home.
>
> I called his brother and his parents and let them know every
gambling
> incident that has happened in the last few months. I figured that
> keeping my husband's secret would only allow him to continue his
> addiction. I also begged his parents to stop enabling him and come
to
> gamanon with me. They are really bad enablers....but this post is
> long enough without me getting into that issue. My brother in law
> apologized for stupidly letting him play poker with his money.
>
> I came home to a note saying that he understands why I want a
divorce
> and that he is giving me everything, including our 2 cats because
the
> split is all his fault. It was so strange thinking that this could
be
> it for our marriage. My husband is my soul mate. I can't imagine
not
> being with him, but it angers me so much that he hasn't been making
> recovery his #1 priority and I can't live like this anymore.
>
> We finally talked tonight. I told him that he isn't to come home
for
> 30 day. In that time, he will need to complete the outpatient rehab
> we have here that requires many counseling sessions and attendance
of
> lots of GA meetings. I told him that he can have money for gas and
> food, but all other money he makes goes to me for household expenses
> and bills. He is allowed to stay at his brother's house for free as
> long as he is working on recovery when he isn't working at his
job. I
> feel like I need to give our marriage this last chance before I walk
> away knowing that I did everything I could to make it work. I am
> powerless over his addiction and he will decide the fate of our
> marriage. Until then, I'm working on my exit plan so that I will be
> ok on my own.
>
> Sorry this post is so long. I guess I needed to let it all out.
>