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Hi Steve,
This time I'm responding inline, below.
On Sun, Sep 21, 2008 at 2:39 AM, tigersalamander2006 <creative_internet_ideas@...> wrote:
>
> Lydia, Thanks. Ouch, that sucks. I know what you mean.
> Yeah you can identify. Have you ever tried to find out who/where
> your father's kids were? I guess the rich relatives stick together...
> and leave the poorer ones to fend for themselves. Maybe I'm wrong.
>
I don't know. I do know that my father was Jewish and my mother wasn't... so I'm not considered "one of them". However, I've never really tried to contact them...
> Appreciate your words. I still can't believe how I smoke, drank and
> drugged away large parts of my life.
>
Me neither. I must say if I had it all to do over, I wouldn't do THAT again. So many wasted opportunities... so much life just thrown away. I grieve for those lost years, which I'll never regain. I can truly sympathize.
> I try not to hate my brother but I don't know how. Why would G-d
> take my family and leave HIM?!@ My favorite brother and I could
> laugh, talk deep, etc. Sure we fought and at one point hardly talked
> for 20 years. But this older brother Anthony is a stone cold b*tch.
> I try not to hate him...we are total opposites and he has mostly been
> mean to me my whole life. I've tried to help him
> since I was a young man. He's an arrogant prick, disappeared for a
> year after my favorite brother died in his apartment and was never
> told how my brother died.
>
It has been said that those who are the least lovable are the ones who need love the most. I don't know what you can do with that, but just saying... and if he is "one of us" it is not surprising that he would disappear after his brother died. His arrogance is probably a facade that covers the fear he feels.
> Disability...I'd rather work if I can. I might have a full time job
> as well as a part time job. Not sure how to get disabily...haven't
> worked on the books since 2001. Well I did just start a pt
> telemarketing job. Sucks. Pure punishment for failing...
>
To get on disability you go to your local health & human services dept. They have different names in different States, and sometimes change names, so I'm not surprised you're confused. Try starting by calling the Health Department... they should know who to direct you to. They cover medicaid, etc. which is related.
> 20 years asleep, I know how you feel!!! The current world situation
> is so artificially cold...shallow, etc. We eat, work, sleep, etc. I
> have a hard time letting go of the past? I want to do that so
> badly. Honestly I feel my life is over. I don't have a drivers
> license, hate NJ, my neighborhood is getting dangerous...feel so
> stuck. :(
>
I was born in NJ but never lived there beyond the age of 8 months old when I left... but I can well imagine that the inner city is overwhelming. Is there someplace you could volunteer for a few hours a week? That might lift your spirits and even lead to a job...
> Resume-awww thanks! Geee od, I forgot to rewrite it today...been so
> busy. Wtf was I thinking? Arrrgh... ;) Thank you for your help.
> I feel connected to this group.
You'll do it when you're ready. But don't give up on stepping out of your comfort zone, especially when your comfort zone seems to be closing in on you. Resume or not... get out... take a walk in the park or at the beach if it's near enough to reach. The ocean always has a way of calming me and putting life into perspective.
Good luck!
~Lydia
>
> Steve
>
> --- In for-and-by-autistics@yahoogroups.com, "Lydia Shelley"
> <mizlydia@...> wrote:
> >
> > Steve, I sympathize with you on the loss of your parents and
> brother. My
> > parents died before I was 20 and my life has been immeasurably
> different
> > because of that. I was my mother's only child... never met my
> father's other
> > kids so don't know a thing about them. I'm sorry your other
> relatives have
> > made your life harder than it needs to be. People need to stick
> together and
> > help each other out in these hard times, instead of picking each
> other to
> > pieces.
> >
> > Congratulations on getting, and staying clean. I know it is hard...
> but it's
> > the first step toward a successful life. I hope you'll learn to not
> hate
> > your brother because that hatred will poison your life as badly as
> the
> > alcohol did if you let it. You can still likely get disability. If
> you
> > qualified before you probably still do... but work would be
> better... SSI is
> > a last resort: don't be afraid to reach out for it if you just
> can't get by
> > without it.
> >
> > I, too, feel like I've just awakened, although for me it's been
> over 20
> > years. Maybe I shut down when my own parents died... I don't know.
> But
> > waking up to the current world situation (nightmare) makes me want
> to go
> > back to sleep! As for how to survive, just take it one baby step at
> a time
> > and do your best. You can't do more than your best. Don't berate
> yourself
> > for the past, kiss it goodbye and let it go. Focus on NOW and the
> near
> > future... and LET yourself expand out of your comfort zone: you
> can't
> > achieve your goals any other way.
> >
> > Oh... yes... goals. Many of us hate that word, but the concept is a
> good
> > one, whatever you want to call them. I like the word deadlines,
> myself...
> >
> > I can help you put a resume together, if finding work is on the
> agenda.
> > Please let me know if you need me.
> >
> > ~Lydia
>
> >
> > On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 2:14 AM, tigersalamander2006 <
> > creative_internet_ideas@...> wrote:
> >
> > > In 2001 my parents suddenly died. I started drinking heavily.
> Then in
> > > 2002 my favorite brother died. I continued drinking & lost
> direction
> > > in life. My relatives invaded my parents house and stole financial
> > > documents. Then said bad things about my brothers & I. So I don't
> > > have ANY contact with my relatives. In 2006 I got clean but it
> took
> > > another 2 years to clear my head out.
> > >
> > > I am all alone and scared. Oh I have an older brother but he is an
> > > ahole. There is no sentiment between us no matter how much I
> tried and
> > > still try. I hate his guts. I could of gotten disability but never
> > > applied -long story. Job wise I need to make more money and also
> need
> > > to get a roomate before I am evicted.
> > >
> > > Why did I let so many years elapse (2001-now) before I "woke up?"
> Now
> > > I am in dire financial straits...all these years...I could be
> self-
> > > employed by now. Well I did try to have an internet company but
> drank
> > > it away.
> > >
> > > How do I survive? I am so out of place in this cold, cruel world.
> > > Doing menial jobs like telemarketing...well that's it for now.
> > >
> > > Thanks,
> > >
> > > Steve
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Lydia Shelley
> > www.rainbow-websites.com
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > "Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem
> is so few
> > of them understand the simple meaning of the word."
> > ~Ron Paul
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > There IS a better way...
> > http://www.nopom.info
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > Autism/Aspergers T-Shirts & Designs
> > http://www.cafepress.com/sistersunshine
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Arthur Buddhold
> >
>
>
--
Lydia Shelley
www.rainbow-websites.com
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
"Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem is so few of them understand the simple meaning of the word."
~Ron Paul
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
There IS a better way...
http://www.nopom.info
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Autism/Aspergers T-Shirts & Designs
http://www.cafepress.com/sistersunshine
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Arthur Buddhold
This time I'm responding inline, below.
On Sun, Sep 21, 2008 at 2:39 AM, tigersalamander2006 <creative_internet_ideas@...> wrote:
>
> Lydia, Thanks. Ouch, that sucks. I know what you mean.
> Yeah you can identify. Have you ever tried to find out who/where
> your father's kids were? I guess the rich relatives stick together...
> and leave the poorer ones to fend for themselves. Maybe I'm wrong.
>
I don't know. I do know that my father was Jewish and my mother wasn't... so I'm not considered "one of them". However, I've never really tried to contact them...
> Appreciate your words. I still can't believe how I smoke, drank and
> drugged away large parts of my life.
>
Me neither. I must say if I had it all to do over, I wouldn't do THAT again. So many wasted opportunities... so much life just thrown away. I grieve for those lost years, which I'll never regain. I can truly sympathize.
> I try not to hate my brother but I don't know how. Why would G-d
> take my family and leave HIM?!@ My favorite brother and I could
> laugh, talk deep, etc. Sure we fought and at one point hardly talked
> for 20 years. But this older brother Anthony is a stone cold b*tch.
> I try not to hate him...we are total opposites and he has mostly been
> mean to me my whole life. I've tried to help him
> since I was a young man. He's an arrogant prick, disappeared for a
> year after my favorite brother died in his apartment and was never
> told how my brother died.
>
It has been said that those who are the least lovable are the ones who need love the most. I don't know what you can do with that, but just saying... and if he is "one of us" it is not surprising that he would disappear after his brother died. His arrogance is probably a facade that covers the fear he feels.
> Disability...I'd rather work if I can. I might have a full time job
> as well as a part time job. Not sure how to get disabily...haven't
> worked on the books since 2001. Well I did just start a pt
> telemarketing job. Sucks. Pure punishment for failing...
>
To get on disability you go to your local health & human services dept. They have different names in different States, and sometimes change names, so I'm not surprised you're confused. Try starting by calling the Health Department... they should know who to direct you to. They cover medicaid, etc. which is related.
> 20 years asleep, I know how you feel!!! The current world situation
> is so artificially cold...shallow, etc. We eat, work, sleep, etc. I
> have a hard time letting go of the past? I want to do that so
> badly. Honestly I feel my life is over. I don't have a drivers
> license, hate NJ, my neighborhood is getting dangerous...feel so
> stuck. :(
>
I was born in NJ but never lived there beyond the age of 8 months old when I left... but I can well imagine that the inner city is overwhelming. Is there someplace you could volunteer for a few hours a week? That might lift your spirits and even lead to a job...
> Resume-awww thanks! Geee od, I forgot to rewrite it today...been so
> busy. Wtf was I thinking? Arrrgh... ;) Thank you for your help.
> I feel connected to this group.
You'll do it when you're ready. But don't give up on stepping out of your comfort zone, especially when your comfort zone seems to be closing in on you. Resume or not... get out... take a walk in the park or at the beach if it's near enough to reach. The ocean always has a way of calming me and putting life into perspective.
Good luck!
~Lydia
>
> Steve
>
> --- In for-and-by-autistics@yahoogroups.com, "Lydia Shelley"
> <mizlydia@...> wrote:
> >
> > Steve, I sympathize with you on the loss of your parents and
> brother. My
> > parents died before I was 20 and my life has been immeasurably
> different
> > because of that. I was my mother's only child... never met my
> father's other
> > kids so don't know a thing about them. I'm sorry your other
> relatives have
> > made your life harder than it needs to be. People need to stick
> together and
> > help each other out in these hard times, instead of picking each
> other to
> > pieces.
> >
> > Congratulations on getting, and staying clean. I know it is hard...
> but it's
> > the first step toward a successful life. I hope you'll learn to not
> hate
> > your brother because that hatred will poison your life as badly as
> the
> > alcohol did if you let it. You can still likely get disability. If
> you
> > qualified before you probably still do... but work would be
> better... SSI is
> > a last resort: don't be afraid to reach out for it if you just
> can't get by
> > without it.
> >
> > I, too, feel like I've just awakened, although for me it's been
> over 20
> > years. Maybe I shut down when my own parents died... I don't know.
> But
> > waking up to the current world situation (nightmare) makes me want
> to go
> > back to sleep! As for how to survive, just take it one baby step at
> a time
> > and do your best. You can't do more than your best. Don't berate
> yourself
> > for the past, kiss it goodbye and let it go. Focus on NOW and the
> near
> > future... and LET yourself expand out of your comfort zone: you
> can't
> > achieve your goals any other way.
> >
> > Oh... yes... goals. Many of us hate that word, but the concept is a
> good
> > one, whatever you want to call them. I like the word deadlines,
> myself...
> >
> > I can help you put a resume together, if finding work is on the
> agenda.
> > Please let me know if you need me.
> >
> > ~Lydia
>
> >
> > On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 2:14 AM, tigersalamander2006 <
> > creative_internet_ideas@...> wrote:
> >
> > > In 2001 my parents suddenly died. I started drinking heavily.
> Then in
> > > 2002 my favorite brother died. I continued drinking & lost
> direction
> > > in life. My relatives invaded my parents house and stole financial
> > > documents. Then said bad things about my brothers & I. So I don't
> > > have ANY contact with my relatives. In 2006 I got clean but it
> took
> > > another 2 years to clear my head out.
> > >
> > > I am all alone and scared. Oh I have an older brother but he is an
> > > ahole. There is no sentiment between us no matter how much I
> tried and
> > > still try. I hate his guts. I could of gotten disability but never
> > > applied -long story. Job wise I need to make more money and also
> need
> > > to get a roomate before I am evicted.
> > >
> > > Why did I let so many years elapse (2001-now) before I "woke up?"
> Now
> > > I am in dire financial straits...all these years...I could be
> self-
> > > employed by now. Well I did try to have an internet company but
> drank
> > > it away.
> > >
> > > How do I survive? I am so out of place in this cold, cruel world.
> > > Doing menial jobs like telemarketing...well that's it for now.
> > >
> > > Thanks,
> > >
> > > Steve
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Lydia Shelley
> > www.rainbow-websites.com
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > "Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem
> is so few
> > of them understand the simple meaning of the word."
> > ~Ron Paul
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > There IS a better way...
> > http://www.nopom.info
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > Autism/Aspergers T-Shirts & Designs
> > http://www.cafepress.com/sistersunshine
> > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> > Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Arthur Buddhold
> >
>
>
--
Lydia Shelley
www.rainbow-websites.com
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
"Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem is so few of them understand the simple meaning of the word."
~Ron Paul
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
There IS a better way...
http://www.nopom.info
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Autism/Aspergers T-Shirts & Designs
http://www.cafepress.com/sistersunshine
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Arthur Buddhold
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