Lydia, Thanks. Ouch, that sucks. I know what you mean.
Yeah you can identify. Have you ever tried to find out who/where
your father's kids were? I guess the rich relatives stick together...
and leave the poorer ones to fend for themselves. Maybe I'm wrong.

Appreciate your words. I still can't believe how I smoke, drank and
drugged away large parts of my life.

I try not to hate my brother but I don't know how. Why would G-d
take my family and leave HIM?!@ My favorite brother and I could
laugh, talk deep, etc. Sure we fought and at one point hardly talked
for 20 years. But this older brother Anthony is a stone cold b*tch.
I try not to hate him...we are total opposites and he has mostly been
mean to me my whole life. I've tried to help him
since I was a young man. He's an arrogant prick, disappeared for a
year after my favorite brother died in his apartment and was never
told how my brother died.

Disability...I'd rather work if I can. I might have a full time job
as well as a part time job. Not sure how to get disabily...haven't
worked on the books since 2001. Well I did just start a pt
telemarketing job. Sucks. Pure punishment for failing...

20 years asleep, I know how you feel!!! The current world situation
is so artificially cold...shallow, etc. We eat, work, sleep, etc. I
have a hard time letting go of the past? I want to do that so
badly. Honestly I feel my life is over. I don't have a drivers
license, hate NJ, my neighborhood is getting dangerous...feel so
stuck. :(

Resume-awww thanks! Geee od, I forgot to rewrite it today...been so
busy. Wtf was I thinking? Arrrgh... ;) Thank you for your help.
I feel connected to this group.

Steve


--- In for-and-by-autistics@yahoogroups.com, "Lydia Shelley"
<mizlydia@...> wrote:
>
> Steve, I sympathize with you on the loss of your parents and
brother. My
> parents died before I was 20 and my life has been immeasurably
different
> because of that. I was my mother's only child... never met my
father's other
> kids so don't know a thing about them. I'm sorry your other
relatives have
> made your life harder than it needs to be. People need to stick
together and
> help each other out in these hard times, instead of picking each
other to
> pieces.
>
> Congratulations on getting, and staying clean. I know it is hard...
but it's
> the first step toward a successful life. I hope you'll learn to not
hate
> your brother because that hatred will poison your life as badly as
the
> alcohol did if you let it. You can still likely get disability. If
you
> qualified before you probably still do... but work would be
better... SSI is
> a last resort: don't be afraid to reach out for it if you just
can't get by
> without it.
>
> I, too, feel like I've just awakened, although for me it's been
over 20
> years. Maybe I shut down when my own parents died... I don't know.
But
> waking up to the current world situation (nightmare) makes me want
to go
> back to sleep! As for how to survive, just take it one baby step at
a time
> and do your best. You can't do more than your best. Don't berate
yourself
> for the past, kiss it goodbye and let it go. Focus on NOW and the
near
> future... and LET yourself expand out of your comfort zone: you
can't
> achieve your goals any other way.
>
> Oh... yes... goals. Many of us hate that word, but the concept is a
good
> one, whatever you want to call them. I like the word deadlines,
myself...
>
> I can help you put a resume together, if finding work is on the
agenda.
> Please let me know if you need me.
>
> ~Lydia
>
> On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 2:14 AM, tigersalamander2006 <
> creative_internet_ideas@...> wrote:
>
> > In 2001 my parents suddenly died. I started drinking heavily.
Then in
> > 2002 my favorite brother died. I continued drinking & lost
direction
> > in life. My relatives invaded my parents house and stole financial
> > documents. Then said bad things about my brothers & I. So I don't
> > have ANY contact with my relatives. In 2006 I got clean but it
took
> > another 2 years to clear my head out.
> >
> > I am all alone and scared. Oh I have an older brother but he is an
> > ahole. There is no sentiment between us no matter how much I
tried and
> > still try. I hate his guts. I could of gotten disability but never
> > applied -long story. Job wise I need to make more money and also
need
> > to get a roomate before I am evicted.
> >
> > Why did I let so many years elapse (2001-now) before I "woke up?"
Now
> > I am in dire financial straits...all these years...I could be
self-
> > employed by now. Well I did try to have an internet company but
drank
> > it away.
> >
> > How do I survive? I am so out of place in this cold, cruel world.
> > Doing menial jobs like telemarketing...well that's it for now.
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Steve
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
> --
> Lydia Shelley
> www.rainbow-websites.com
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> "Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem
is so few
> of them understand the simple meaning of the word."
> ~Ron Paul
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> There IS a better way...
> http://www.nopom.info
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> Autism/Aspergers T-Shirts & Designs
> http://www.cafepress.com/sistersunshine
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Arthur Buddhold
>