Rules to Enter T E X A S

Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
Learn & remember:

East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck
because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on
your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle, hog, chicken and turkey farms. That's what they smell like
to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I 35 and I 45
run North and South, I 30 and I 20 run east and west. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that
are driven only 6 weeks a year.

5. So people in every pickup and jeep wave. It's called being friendly. Try to
understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a herd of cattle or deer is coming in, we WILL
shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at
the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & bluegill. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the boatdock bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday
and a perfect excuse to take off work.

9. We open doors for ladies. That is applied to all ladies, especially the
elderly.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can
order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table here, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,
drive a truck, and have long hair.

13.College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the
fish.

15. Colleges? More religious colleges than any other state, plus state
institutions of higher learning. Kids come outta there with an education, plus
a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups and jeeps
when they come for the holidays as well as ignorant visitors.

16. Texas is the strength, backbone and base of America. If you're from the
north, east or west coast, you're more than welcome to stop and visit awhile,
but leave your liberal ideas at the state line. You will soon find out that we
Texans are a hard working, God fearing people and we sure don't need advice on
how to live our lives. How does YOUR state stack up next to us, or is that why
YOU'RE here?







What doesn't kill us makes us stronger
and we're not dead yet!


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