Hello everyone,
Before I head back out to the water I would like some input. a lady
sent this to my personal e-mail address. I told her I never heard of
MS doing this anyone. I did tell her I would post it to the group to
see if anyone else ever experienced anything like she did from a
loved one with MS or if any of you with MS can relate to acting this
way.
Thanks John.


> I wasnt sure if this is where I was supposed to
> write about my experience
> with Multiple Sclerosis or not but I thought what
> the heck.
>
> I do not suffer from Multiple Sclerosis personally.
> But it does make me
> suffer. My boyfriend of 3 years has MS. He was
> diagnosed in 1994 at the
> age of 21. I had never known anyone with MS, I knew
> nothing about it. It
> was only 1 month after we started dating that I got
> my first look into this
> degenerative disease. He suffered some vision
> impairment, numbness in his
> groin and right leg, numbness in his arm and what he
> calls "really bad deep
> arm itch." He scratched holes into his arms. I had
> never seen anything
> like it. I was stunned. I had suddenly been thrown
> into a world of Dr.
> appointments, MRI's, daily prednisone infusions, and
> introduced to a person
> I didnt know. His anger at his MS had been
> channeled in my direction and I
> was his punching bag so to speak. Verbally abusing
> me, emotionally tearing
> me apart. He'd always apologize, and once his MS
> was under control things
> almost got back to normal. But his anger no matter
> what, was always thrown
> in my direction. Since first meeting him he's
> always had problems with his
> joints "being on fire" as he described it. And
> every attack left him with a
> limp that steadily grew worse. I began to research
> MS like my life depended
> on it. I'd find something, a treatment that looked
> promising, and try to
> talk with him about it. But he didnt want to talk
> and REFUSED to begin any
> injections after his 2 year experience with
> betaseron. I didnt know him at
> the time but according to him it was like having a 2
> year flu and made him a
> monster. Last year he suffered optic neuroitis.
> The pain he experienced
> was unlike anything I had ever seen. He'd lay with
> his hands over his eyes,
> tears streaming down his face and I felt so
> helpless. The MRI showed the
> optic nerve from his right eye was slowly
> deteriorating, and eventually he'd
> go blind in that eye. But that was nothing compared
> to his most recent
> attack. On March 5, 2004, just a few short months
> ago, he had his worst
> attack since being diagnosed 10 years ago. In a
> matter of days I watched
> his vision, speech and movement start to fade. And
> I myself entered a hell
> I'm still struggling to get out of. He refused to
> go to the hospital so I
> rushed him to his Neurologist, 1-1/2 hours away.
> The trip was nothing short
> of a nightmare. He started punching me, held my
> head down as I was trying
> to drive over a very crowded overpass, grabbed the
> steering wheel and tried
> to run us off the road, and began attacking me with
> insults and names I've
> never heard from his mouth. During the midst of all
> of this I reached back
> crying and swung. I still dont know if what I did
> was right but we were on
> the verge of wrecking. I caught him in the jaw. He
> was shocked but he
> stopped physically attacking me. He calmed down
> once I got him to the Dr.
> His Dr. told him he needed 24 hour care and if
> someone didnt stay with him
> he'd put him in the hospital. He looked over at me
> and though I was scared,
> I said I would. He slept all the way home and that
> night paralysis took
> over the entire right side of his body. I have 2
> little girls from a
> previous marriage, and sent them to my grandmothers
> house so she could care
> for them while I cared for him. Things as simple as
> going to the bathroom
> required help, he was unable to walk without someone
> to hold him up. I had
> to place my left leg behind his right leg and move
> it forward, because he
> was unable to. He'd sleep most of the day, and I
> couldnt rouse him to eat.
> Meals became 2-3-4am rituals. The first time I had
> to assist him with
> walking he was like a frightened child and he said
> "PLEASE dont let me
> fall." I promised on my love for him and my life
> that when I had him, he'd
> never fall. He never did. Gradually he began to
> recover, and I thought
> this experience would strengthen our relationship.
> I had never been so
> wrong in my life. He swears he doesnt remember
> anything of the trip to the
> Dr. Told me I was lying. I didnt understand his
> attitude toward me once he
> was able to get up and around on his own. It was
> almost like he resented
> me, HATED me. He would tell me on a daily basis
> what a lazy worthless C*%T
> I was, how I made him miserable. He couldnt stand
> being around me. I began
> to show less and less of myself to him and when I
> did, he'd yell at me for
> not being around. He turned into a real life Dr.
> Jekell and Mr. Hyde and
> each was playing tug of war with my emotions and my
> sanity. I fell into a
> depression, and became in just a short time a very
> timid and scared person.
> Each chance he got he threw insults at me that put
> me in tears. Then one
> day toward the end of June he left. He told me he
> was going to the post
> office and up until last week, I hadnt seen him
> since that day. He left me
> a note closed up in my laptop that read "Here's to
> you and your miserable
> existance....C-YA!" He called a few times from his
> friends house but I was
> bitter and cold to him. Just last week he asked to
> see me and I gave in.
> Since his departure he began taking Copaxone and
> I've noticed a slight
> change. He only came home for a few days, then left
> back to his friends
> house to finish up a deck he's building. He's a
> general contractor. Over
> the phone a few nights ago I asked him to cut his
> ties with me. I was tired
> of being on this fishing pole he kept me
> on...casting me out whenever he
> felt like it, but knowing he had me on this line
> he'd reel me back in when
> he wanted me back. Knowing I'd be there as always.
> He replied with
> something I never thought I'd hear from a person
> like him. "Please dont
> give up on me." He wont elaborate much on it but I
> feel like it might have
> to do with the 2 girlfriends he had in the years
> previous to me. The first,
> whom he was dating when he was diagnosed, cheated on
> him when he was in the
> hospital. The second up and left out of the blue,
> taking with her most
> everything he owned. I always resisted when he
> pushed, standing my ground
> and refusing to give in. I love this man with all
> of my heart. He finishes
> his deck tomorrow and will come home after he gets
> paid on wednesday. For
> good finally. I'm scared to death. I'm happy, sad,
> excited, angry....I'm
> feeling every emotion humanly possible all at the
> same time. I'm not sure
> how things are going to work out. But I'm going to
> try my hardest, as
> always, to show him that no matter what, he can
> count on me to be there when
> his MS takes control. I'm not giving up on him. I
> thank you so much for
> allowing me to tell this. I dont know anyone with
> MS. I needed to share
> this experience, and maybe find an answer to some of
> my questions. I'm
> still very confused, unsure if what I've been
> through is common in those who
> are living with someone who is living with MS. I
> still harbor a lot of
> resentment toward him for doing what he did. I
> allowed my hurt at what he
> had done turn to hate and fill that void he left
> inside me when he
> disappeared. I dont know how to let that go. I
> dont know how to cope.
> He'll never know what that did to me. And as much
> as I want to let the past
> lie in the past, I'm only human