Hi everyone I'm Terry and new to the group, (and need your
help)

I'd like to start my story by saying that I was never sick one day in my
life before this (48Yrs) , nor did I ever take any med.
I have run my own business for 30 years, and I was a very physically active
person.
I got a chest pain one night that I thought was my heart, so I went to the
hosp. 2 days of tests, I was o.k., but now all of a sudden I needed this med.
Ativan (for the anxiety caused by this)
The dr kept me on this med for 3.5 more years, and then I got another
chest pain and went to the E.R., where they gave me a shot of Visteril, that I
had a reaction to, and began jerking all over and freezing. (was later told by
the neurologist, it is myoclonic jerking that I have now, from the Visteril.
Mayo Clinic said they thought I had a paradoxcial reaction)
The next day my dr told me to double the Ativan and that is where more
troubles began. Now I felt the pill kick in, and I got a strange feeling in my
head, it felt like it was strained. And now, it didn't relieve any of my
anxiety. Within 2 weeks I started getting symptoms.

I had already been to so many dr's and had so many tests that I suspected it
was this medicine.
I found a rheumatologist that said, "I think you figured out your own problem,
this Ativan could be causing your problems"
Back to my dr (GP) and said I wanted to be taked off Ativan.
He put me in the hosp and stopped my med cold turkey.
By day 2 everything started to smell so strong, and everything started to make
me feel sick. When I would smell chemical odors, I would start to jerk. (I was
later told that I got Chemical Seneitivity from being withdrawn too quickly)

He put me on Seroquil "to help calm you down during the withdrawal" I just
about went out of my mind. And the other reaction that I got from that, was
numbness from the waist down, and was almost completely unable to go to the
washroom for 4 days. (the dr's answer to that, was to do a urine test on the 4th
day, to make sure I didn't have an infection.)
He gave me Lexapro 1 time, on the 2nd day, and it made me feel like I was
going crazy, so I refused any more.
The insurance ran out on that 4th day, so I was booted out of the hospital
with NO MEDICINE AT ALL!

I lasted like this for 1 month, going out of my mind with anxiety, just
running all over the yard trying to stop it, but nothing worked.
and so many problems now its unbearable.
I never wanted to be on any medicine again after what I went through, and
still was going through.
But I had to go to work, we were about to lose our home.
My nuerologist said that it was a mistake being taken off that fast, and that
I would probably have to go back on it to get myself back on track.
Went to my psychiatrist for help he said "Oh great, now I have to clean up
someone elses mess"
The psychiatrist didn't know what else to do with me, because I am very pill
sensitive and he, over time (since the chest pain) has tried me on every med. at
least once, but every pill I had a reaction to.
So, he put me back on Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg 3 x day which did not calm the
anxiety but gave me more bad reactions.

At this time I also joined Benzo yahoo group (benzo is the class of drugs
Ativan is in) I have found many others there that have developed MCS from either
their medicine or being withdrawan to quickly. They like me, started feeling
nervous after eating also.

By now I have been to 20-25 doctors including Mayo Clinic, and had
every test possible, including EEG, 2 CT's, 3 MRI's, pulmonary function twice,
muscle and nerve tests, poision screening, eye tests,
every autoimmune test possible, chiropractic work (caused more pain)
accupuncture, fibromyalgia clinic and 2 rheumatologists and they all said that
I did not have Fibromyalgia because I didn't have the check points. Yet I have
identical symptoms of pain and muscle problems from head to toe. And even an
angiogram on my heart (believe me, there are more)
All my tests, and doctors, and specialists, and all our savings spent to find
out that I'm just fine. (so, they all say)


To this day, my symptoms are:


EXTREME anxiety

PAIN so bad, that if I use any muscles, they stay hurting. My legs hurt
from walking, arms hurt from lifting, and my feet hurt from standing.

Strained feeling in my head (not like a headache) it hurts if I lift, smoke a
cig., read, watch t.v., or from chemical smells.

Vision is all messed up (I'm 20/20) blurry, cant focus, pain and pressure
behind my eyes, clicking, and can't read for more that a few min.

Myoclonic jerks, arms and legs (very strong, day and night)

Twitches in legs always, and sometimes in my face and arms

Body shaking all over (very severe)

Cant sleep more that 3-4 hours

No appetite (lost 50 pounds)

nausea everyday for almost a year

Burning skin

Fears of everything and Phobias (that I never had) And a great loss of self
confidence (that I use to have)

When I fall asleep, even for a 5 min. nap, I wake up panicky and trembling
with a fear feeling.

My body temp dropped from 98.6 down to 97 and I am freezing all the time and
I tremble from the cold. And in the heat I feel ill

Crying spells

Stammering words

Eating makes me nervous

Nightmares

White tongue (not candida, already tested)

Outer circle of palms turned red, and stayed that way

Neck is red, looks like blood coming to the surface

Dry itchy skin

Salviary gland swollen on left side

Breathing seems harder

Unusual heartburn

Bone pain

joints cracking everywhere, including spine

Loss of muscle tone

Ringing, humming, or buzzing in my ears

I feel worse standing (mostly in my head, but my body too)

Can't think clearly

Depression

Horrible costochondritis, worse than ever before. pain so bad in the sternum
area it makes my eyes flash

Dont feel like myself

Inner trembling and outer trembling

My head and body doesn't even feel like my own

And there is no enjoyment from anything anymore

(I know there are more).


To think all this started from a chest pain, and the dr telling me
I needed anxiety med.

I need constant reassurance every day, because I really don't believe that
I'll ever be the same again. And I cant be without my wife for more than a few
minutes at a time, or the anxiety is overwhelming.
She has been at my side every minute for 19 months, since I got sick.
Before this we had a perfect life together, for so many years!

I'm scarred to death, and don't know what to do!
If anyone has had any similar symptoms or problems that they wouldn't mind
sharing with me, I sure would appreciate it!
Or if someone would be willing to talk about the symptoms on the phone, or
please email me at terrywindowman@... I'm at the end of my rope, and no
doctors believe me, or in MCS.

Thanks again.....Terry

PS...I wrote this letter sometime back and since then my sensitivities have
worsened, especially to odors. And now to add to my list I am getting rashes all
the time. I can't even walk in a store without the smells making me sick.









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