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Hi Dr Holstein and everyone else. 
I was so thrilled to see a post from this group.
I really am hoping that this group can help me to make some progress
in my own personal journey.
I can't remember everything I wrote in my first email, but let me tell
you just a little more about myself. Maybe by doing this some of you will
feel comfortable to come and join the discussion. (I hate talking to myself,
but I will keep posting.) I have a stubbornness that is both good and bad.
Good because I think it has kept me alive and trying. Bad because I have
certain ideas and standards that makes it next to impossible for me to make
positive changes.
Okay back to telling you some of my background. My name is Sharon and I am
currently living in a small town in Illinois. I am single and have never married. This is tougher then I thought.... well I grew up on a small farm where my family was constantly struggling financially. This put limits on what we could do in social activities. We never went on vacations, or went out to eat. If we did go to town and it was meal time, my parents would go buy a loaf of bread and a package of lunch meat and we would eat that in the car. Hopefully under a shade tree. We were not allowed a birthday party, sleep overs, or to join any clubs. Really from the start, I was taught that life is a serious thing not fun. Add to the situation that my parents were always negative. That is all I've known. I try to "be perfect" to please and it was never quite good enough.
Now please understand, I love my parents and they probably learned this stuff from their parents. I swore I would not have what they called "a nerve problem" like my father and grandmother. Now I realize I had panic attacks before I knew what they were. Anyway fast forward here and summarize more.... in high school I was a complete loner. I didn't go to a dance, or the movies. In college I only lasted a year. I begged and pleaded to even be able to go and paid every dime on my own because my parents didn't approve. I literally fell apart there. Homesick, sick to my stomach daily, not eating, scared, a total wreck. I ended up back home. Yet again proving I failed. My life has just followed a series like that.
Now I am considered by my pdoc to have severe depression and panic disorder with some other mumbo-jumbo. I'm on meds, therapy, and even agreed and tried ECT treatments. There is a void in my life that I can't remember at all or it is fuzzy. I still have problems with my memory. A situation came up with work and it brought me down lower. I am now on disability through my work and have no job, nor could effectively hold one at this time. I struggle to get through the day. I've had counseling for years. I'm tired of not seeing progress, I am mad at myself for not letting myself make progress. I want to find a crumb of self-esteem. Enchanted self seems like a stretch for me right now. I need friends that understand and share. I want to find some support, motivation, accountability to find something better. I don't want my life to have been a waste. Please become active in the group. Is anyone out there facing some of this? I'm sorry this got so long and it is just an ounce of all I could tell. I'm just me, plain, simple, Sharon that is messed up and scared. I hope that I will get a response from some of you members. Thanks for letting me share....
take care everyone.Sharon
Sharon----- Original Message -----From: encself@...Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 11:30 AMSubject: Re: [encself] Digest Number 163Dear Shar, Harriet and All, What a blessing and a pleasure to come back from a short break and actually see that two women had taken the time and effort to speak from their hearts!
What you bring up Shar is so serious and so pervasive in most of us women. It is one of the topics I talk and write about a great deal. We emphasize any potential that we did something wrong and we diminish what is good, talented and wonderful about ourselves. How can we win with that combination?
My client was telling me how awful she felt after a negative e-mail from a co-worker. She was obsessed with bad feelings and it spoiled a special day for her. This is what I advised to her at the time. I suggestion either action or distraction. Let me explain. Either take a realistic form of action-such as responding to the e-mail if she could with a clear head and clear thinking-or step back and distract herself for awhile with something good for herself such as a fast walk, talking to a friend, exercise that she enjoys, etc. Yes, she will still be haunted to some extent by the her reactions but often times we begin to see during those hours that all is not lost and actually sometimes we come to a conclusion as how to respond or not respond.
By the way, in my book THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy I discuss in great detail the above subject.
I would love to talk further with both and all of you. Would you consider reading my book and we could discuss so many components of women's happiness so much more fully? Please let me know. I would be glad to offer a separate e-group for that or a tele-class.
Also, I'll come back later and respond to Harriet.
All my best, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
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