welcome to the family. what your describing sounds like PTSD at it
peak. i suffered from anxiety, insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks,
panic attacks & OCD's. It can get better. All of us here have
suffered from one or more of the many symptoms of PTSD, some of us
still work in the field, some are on medical disability, some changed
fields,& some took extended leaves and have returned.

have you spoken to your dr's about the anxiety and anxiety insomnia?
there are some medications that work for both depression and the
anxiety. i know it is hard to find the right combination of meds. i
was on meds for a while, but now i am off them. i cannot tell you
there is a quick fix, but i can tell you there is hope.

for myself i found that writing it down helped me a lot. when i had
a nightmare i wrote down what was going on in it. if i could not
sleep at night i would write what i was feeling and what i was
worried about.sometimes just writing it made me fell better.
othertimes i needed more. so i would do a little "exercise" to get
rid of that bad feeling. i would write it all down, then either rip
up or burn (in a fireproof place like a BBQ grill) the paper and tell
myself (sometimes outloud) this cannot hurt me anymore. i dunno it
sounds hokey but it worked for me. please stay in touch remember if
your having a nightmare you can post it to the family here, we are
glad to help any way we can.

my nightmares are few and far between now but it has taken me many
years to get to this point. i also suffer from moderate depression,
but i remember to take each day as it comes. i hope toi talk to you
again soon.

amy



--- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, "macer45701"
<macer45701@y...> wrote:
> I just joined this group in hopes of communicating with someone who
> may be able to give me information on PTSD.
>
> I have been wondering if I have PTSD for a while but for the past
> couple of months, I spend all night almost every night, having
dreams
> and nightmares where I am in a panic state trying to do something
> to prevent something bad from happening to others or myself. The
> situations vary tremendously. When I wake up, I feel as if I
haven't
> gotten any rest. It leaves me pretty worthless for accomplishing
> anything at work or at home. I am also stumbling a lot and can't
> concentrate on anything for very long and startle at the least
little
> thing.
>
> I have been in emergency services since 1973 (on and off but mostly
> on - EMS, Emergency Management and 9-1-1 admin) and am pretty sure
I
> have been in burn out for several years (since about 1983 I have
> worked in postitions where I felt that my job was constantly in
> jeopardy due to political crap, etc.) but am trying to hang on
until
> I can retire (something over two years from now for minimum
> benefits).
>
> But I am concerned that at the rate I am going, I am going to be a
> basket case (or dead) before I ever get to retirement. (I have also
> suffered from clinical depression on and off for several years
> including suicidal plans but have convinced myself that it would be
> unfair to my family. I am currently taking Remiron after a renewed
> course of Prozac did not seem to be helping).
>
> I have hypertension and some episodes of heart palpatations.
>
> I know this sounds really whiny but if there are folks on this list
> who can shed light on my situation, I would like to hear what they
> have to offer.
>
>
> Thanks.
>
> "Traveler"