I understand how the flashbacks can be, i have been there. I left
ems a little more then 5 years ago, just after my flashbacks
started. my story is a little different, i was raped at the age of
17, and i repressed it never spoke about it, then when working EMS
one night i took a call for a rape victim, and it all came back.
there was no CISD because no one knew about my past, so when i
started having the nightmares and left the squad no one really knew
why. I did not seek any help for a long time, it was more then 2
years before i ever began to understand everything going on in my
head. i would sleep with lights on...check my closet 100 times
before going to bed...i would close and lock allt he doors and
windows before taking a shower...even when it was 100 degrees outside
and i had no A/C...i thought maybe moving would help, so i packed up
and moved from NJ to MD with a friend...on 2 weeks notice to my job
got a job there and and tried to start over there...but the
nightmares followed me...after just a few months i moved back to NJ
when my grandmother got sick. after moving back i injured my ankle
and when i went tot he dr he noticed my irratability and lack of
sleep, i told him i had nightmares and could not sleep...he gave me
xanax. i took the xanax just once, took me 3 dyas to come back down
from it...i could not afford to miss work...so i did not take it if i
had to work...which meant i would take 1/2 a pill 1 night a week just
so i could sleep...that went on for a while...i would sleep just one
night a week without worrying about someone hidden in the closet or
behind the door...i could go into my basement to do laundry without
carrying a baseball bat or a kitchen knife...for fear of an
intruder...but only 1 day a week...then i again had another chance,
to move to AZ, my aunt needed help. so i went, it was only around
this time (winter 2000) i began to hear about PTSD, and it's effects
on 911 responders. people before had always associated it with war,
but never thought of it as a common place with everyday traumas
effecting it. so i went online and began to search, and i ended up
here, on yahoo they were called clubs back then though. so i
searched..ptsd...there were only a handfull and all were for war
survivors. so i made this club, as an outlet somewhere i would never
be judged that i could say anything i need to say to help feel
better. i started by intiving just 1 person, who i saw in a ptsd war
site who listed himself as an officer. Mike, he has not bee around
much anymore, but he was a great help in the beginning of this site.
Now our family is growing, people come and people go, as they need
us. My nightmares are for the most part gone, 5 years after the
incident. i will never be "cured" but i can attest to the fact it
will can get better. my nightmares are few and far between. my
OCD's are virtually gone, and my anxiety attacks are no longer an
everyday occurance, i have gone months completely free from all the
signs of PTSD.


--- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, "doug mead"
<doug3171@c...> wrote:
> Hi there!
> Sorry it has taken so long to reply. Things are going alright
here. I wish they would hurry up and make a decision on my pension
disability though. The last few weeks have been rough. With the
process the flash backs have been more and more and the sleep less
and less. I just want the whole thing to be over with.
> I will give you a little back ground in how I got PTSD. I was
working as a police officer/ firefighter for the city that I live in
and the first incident happen about 2 years ago when I was the first
officer on the scene of a teen suicide. I knew the teen and it hit me
hard. I had trouble dealing with it and went to the boss and he
talked to me about it and that was it, no counseling. The second was
in Nov of 2002, we were called to a house fire where there was 3
family members trapped in the house. Me and another officer put on
our fire gear and attempted to rescue the members. We were able to
pull the mother and daughter out of the house but unable to rescue
the father who was trapped in the basement. The father and daughter
died. I knew the family somewhat from talking with them on complaints
while working as a police officer. There was no counseling after the
incident. They decided about a week later to have a CISD. It seemed
to help a little and then the flash backs and no sleep started. So on
December 26th 2002 I quit my job. Since then I have been going
through the process for a pension disability. I have been to 2
doctors and they both stated and signed statements that I shouldn't
ever do this line of work again becasue it could be harmful to me.
> I hope everything is alright with you and thank you for
replying to my message. I hope to talk to you later.
>
> Doug
>
> Have a Great Day!
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Reggie Cervantes
> To: emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Saturday, May 17, 2003 12:33 PM
> Subject: Re: [EMS Fire Police PTSD] Re: I just recently applied
for Social Security Disability
>
>
> Unfortunately I dont have a computer at home. I use
> the library twice a week.
>
> --- iiovelife <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
> > I am not much of a telephone person, however ifyou
> > wih to chat online
> > please feel free to add my to your buddylist and
> > message me, if i am
> > at work i may reply, but it may take a while as i am
> > often with
> > customers.
> >
> >
> > --- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, Reggie
> > Cervantes
> > <crquijote@y...> wrote:
> > > for the PTSD from my exposure to Ground Zero. It
> > is a
> > > difficult task, time consuming and somewhat
> > > demoralizing. Feel free to call me 405-602-8416 I
> > am
> > > in Oklahoma now.
> > > Reggie
> > >
> > > __________________________________
> > > Do you Yahoo!?
> > > The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
> > > http://search.yahoo.com
> >
> >
>
>
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