I don't know if it matters anymore how or why I am down in this black
hole. I don't know if the light I sometimes catch a glimpse of is real
or just me wanting it to be. To those around me I look normal, I sound
normal but I am anything but normal. But. When you stop to think about
it, who and how I am today is totally a normal reaction to what
happened. So why can't I climb up and out of where I am. Why after 5
years I still seen and feel and dream and react and avoid like it was
yesterday. Why has my life continued to slope further down into this
hole to the point I can't work, can't handle even the smallest bit of
stress, I feel hopeless, helpless and so very angry. People can't seem
to understand that I am no longer the strong, self assured and capable
person I once was, they don't get it. How do I change me back or at
least find myself, even if different from before, and quit being
afraid, quit punishing myself for being in this hole, quit disappearing
into myself. All I want is to be able to live, support meself and find
a was to enjoy being alive again without being afraid of the world
around me. I would like to believe again that there is good out there
and trust is possable.
If anyone out there has any suggestions, please share your ideas