I've had a real long year already. Ive been sick in that up and down
roller coaster with PTSD and my lung disease. Ive worked as much as
I can to help my fellow responders keep strong, fight for their
health and their mental health and for benefits.

I worked on a project that hopefully will bring our situations to the
forefront. However, in this struggle that diminishes our lives to
poverty, fear, anxiety and alienates us from our normal routines we
still have to deal with our everyday lives. Sometimes we just cant.

Today, my father died. I had so wanted to go see him before he died
but the financial situation that I am currently under having to deal
with so many health issues is at times so restrictive that its heart
breaking. I realize I will not be able to go to the funeral because
it will cost some $1,200 to fly round trip from OKC to Puerto Rico.

The sad part is I dont think he knew his daughter did what she did.
I think he would have been proud.

Earlier this year, I found out that I was pregnant, at 46 it was a
daunting task to carry and at times funny. It was totally
unexpected. We were thrilled. I miscarried two weeks ago and had to
eventually have a D & C. The bill for the Operating room and
hospital use is $7,000 for which when medicare is done, I will be
responsible for 20%. Plus the anesthesia, surgeon and any other
physician who saw me.

If I had been working, I would use my charge card, go to the funeral
and of course pay it off throughout the next few months and that
would be ok. I have no charge cards, savings is enough to pay for
the meds on an emergency basis.

My relatives think it a bit cold, his favorite daughter has not gone
to see him in 5 yrs.

I am so sad today. Nothing shows how old we are getting until we
lose a parent.

Reggie