Nick,
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with me. I really
apprecaite it.

Stephanie

> These days, the only direct connection I have to emergency
services is as a
> member of the Bay Area CISM Team, based in Santa Clara,
California, where I
> live. I was a paramedic 25 years ago in the Pittsburgh, Pa. area.
The
> hardest incidents for me, the ones that contributed to my PTSD,
were triage
> situations at automobile accidents where I was first on the scene -
- one at
> Yellowstone Park, where I was working, the other about 50 miles
south of
> where I live now. But there are also other times that I have come
to realize
> are also difficult... a guy who committed suicide by stepping in
front of a
> car on a freeway, a fire rescue that went bad and the victim
dropped about
> one story to the sidewalk, landing on his face, basically, about
10 feet
> from where I was standing... and others. For the last year, I've
been making
> list, mostly because it's so easy for me to block the memories.
>
> I woke up to my PTSD about 10 years ago after my best friend's son
suffered
> for six months and then died from a brain tumor at age 2. I'll
never forget
> starting to talk to a counselor about his DNR orders and bursting
out
> crying, totally unexpectedly. Helplessness and the feeling of
being out of
> control are the tough parts. Two years ago on this Tuesday, my
niece married
> a U.S. Marine who had already served one tour in Iraq. The day
before their
> wedding, I talked to him about how it's been for me, dealing with
the times
> when I was supposed to be in control, in charge, but feeling
helpless while
> others suffered and died, letting him know that there's somebody
else in the
> family who has an idea of what it's like. I'll never forget how
his eyes met
> mind and he nodded when I said the word "helpless." Last September
11th,
> while we were remembering that lousy anniversary, he was on a
plane back to
> Iraq after volunteering for a second tour. Last November 10th,
somebody in
> Fallujah blew him to bits with a rocket-powered grenade. His death
hit me
> way harder than I'dever have imagined. I'm still struggling with
how to
> respond, but I'm also grateful that by triggering me so much, it
pushed me
> into dealing with all this stuff even more. Next week, I'm
scheduling my own
> debriefings for the two accidents I mentioned above (it's never
too late for
> a debriefing -- the Yellowstone thing was 25 years ago!). I've
also been
> doing a story-telling project with other Bay Area families that
lost loved
> ones in the war, which we'll premier here and in New York City
this year on
> Veterans Day.
>
> We honor one another with our stories and we help one another
heal. There is
> a terrible lack of safe story-telling in our society, which is why
we need
> to structure things like CIS debriefings and the "Fallen Heroes"
stories
> that I've been doing with others.
>
> So... that's me.
>
> Nick
>
> On 10/9/05, Stephanie <amstar1212@m...> wrote:
> >
> > Nick.
> >
> > I have found a therapist who specailizes in this and does EMDR.
I've
> > only done it a couple of times so far, so I can't really speak to
> > much about it yet, but I'm doing everything I can do and I am
making
> > new connections, etc. I had one meeting with two people from a
CISM
> > team of over 30 that are local to my area. a mental health worker
> > and a paramedic. So tell me, what do you do, where are you from,
and
> > how did you come to be on this site?
> > Stephanie
> >
> >
> --
> Nick Arnett
> narnett@m...
> Messages: 408-904-7198
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>