hey where is everyone???? i went on vacation come back and everyone
is dead!!!!! ok well i am going on vaca again next week for a week
to OK to visit with reggie and her kids (yayayaya reggie) so we will
still be around just not as much cuz we are going to get some much
needed GIRL TIME in while her kids are in school hehehehehe...

ok so i have been having a rough few weeks and i havent been
posting...i have told the story ga-gillion times of how my PTSD
triggered..so this time ill give the short version..i was off duty
from my ambulance vollie unit and i was at home and my night partner
who was at the PD disptatch called me at home to take a call...i
told him "J" was on duty at the building call him...he said no he
needed me...after a few mins i agreed tot ake the call....it was a
rape victim...as soon ad she started talking...my flashbacks from
when i was raped in HS started...and did not stop for a long time....

well recently i ran into J again...he never knew about any of this
all he knew was i walked out of the squad and walked out of his life
without saying goodbye 8 years ago (at one point me and him had been
involved but we were friends only when i left)....well now he wants
back in...telling me how he never forgot about me how he always
cared about me...i dont feel the same...but he is ok with being
friends...i think...

then...this other guy i know and have known about 5 years...tells me
he has had feeling for me as more then a friend...yet another man i
have no romantic feelings for...

ok so on to guy 3...this is the one i want...we talked online for a
few months and i finally agreed to meet him...the first kiss...my
knees went weak...right now though he is going thru a lot with work
and his ex with custody...i just dont know how he feels about me and
it is driving me to the verge of a panic attack....every minute of
every day i fight that little voice on my shoulder saying that keeps
saying "he is using you" "you're the rebound girl" "he is not really
with his daughter he used that excuse because he had a date with
someone else"

anyone got a clue how to kill that little voice???