Sandy,
I know that things can sometimes feel overwhelming. I get that way and have
been the past two weeks. It's hard!!!

I tried a few things that have helped me. I dont do negative is my rule. If i
start to feel myself thinking something negative, i stop and immediately replace
it with positive. If for even ten seconds I think anything negative, it will
take me where I know I dont belong since it wont be good place for me, it wont
be a productive place and it wont be a happy place. So on my worst days, and
this week I've had a week of bad days everyday!! I try to think of Clouds, SUN,
Rainbows, BEACH (There is none in OKLAHOMA!), empty sky, apple pie and ice
cream, and keep going until i forget what it was I was doing or thinking and
find something to occupy me.

Look for me on line tomorrow.
Keep the faith. We've been there and are here for you. Even if you think you
are rambling, you are not, you are reaching out to us and remind us how
important we are to each other. How long our road has been and how with the
strength from each other we can beat this MONSTER and turn each other's lights
on.

Tell me, what is it that you like? The Sun, Rainbows, Beach?
Reggie

Sandra W <sandrawebster@...> wrote:
Hey all,

I attempted on June 14th.

I feel myself becoming unsteady again. I really don't have a solution to my
problems. I can't think too far ahead. I can only allow myself to focus on
the few minutes I exist within......maybe think far enough ahead to figure
out what I'll make for supper. But then the brain begins to send out
feelers into future thoughts. And I can't allow that or I die.

When I feel the overwhelming despair coming on (because of having some
thoughts into the future......even only into the next day!)....then I take a
little more meds to rather "daze" me. And then that allows me to only think
within the few minutes around me.

Does this make sense??

I am having thoughts of cutting myself. I did that a few weeks before I
actually attempted. But to cut seems like a release of sorts.

I'm just rambling.

Sandy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For every officer that dies in the line-of-duty,
Three more will die from suicide.
Help us stop the statistics of law enforcement
PTSD and suicide.
http://www.tearsofacop.com




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