i understand where you are, i was there. it took me a long time to
be able to remember scenes and not remember the pain and the sorrow
that were attached to them. for a long time after left the
ambulance i would not talk about scenes, people would ask about my
worst call..i would tell them about a night a guy was stabbed by his
wife because he refused to babysit...because that one did not affect
me, he was fine it was a minor flesh wound...it was the 2 yr olf buy
on christmas eve in seizure because ofa high fever with his whole
family gathered there for the xmas party when i arrived...that was a
call that haunted me for a long time...it does get better...it took
me a long time to be able to remember the calls without reliving
them. i alo found that the more i told people about them the easier
it was to talk about them...so i started posting my worst scenes onto
this club...

as for the triggers, i know it can be hard because there are always a
lot of them, but what i found that worked for me was to carry a book
with me when a panic attack occured i wrote down what set me off each
on its own page with blank space at the bottom of the page...if i did
not know what it was i wrote down everything i did saw smelled heard
and could remember prior to the attack...i kept writing them down for
a few months, then one day i opened the book and told myself i cant
let these things control my life. i started reading each thing that
set me off and wrote out why it set me off and what i thought i could
do next time to not have an attack...everything from making a list of
local hospital telelhpone #'s (i paniced if peope were 5 minutes late
to meet me) to just sinply avoiding certain places.

I cant say this will work for you but it worked for me, everyone is
different, i have to run this damn internet here is soooo expensive i
cant wait to get home...

amy


--- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, Steven Amiott
<medic_435@y...> wrote:
> thanks for the welcome Amy (that is my sisters name) yeah i am on
zoloft xanix midren restoril neuronton fiornial darvacet n celibrex
just a regular walking drug store they started me on the zoloft then
changed it to lexapro that stuff just fanned the otherwise smoldering
fuse so they got me back on the zoloft trigger points well right now
that is a laugh...as it could be anything at any time a sight sound
smell.......anything right down to how someone else feels i dont
sleep at night cause i dont like the nightmares i have i dont like to
close my eyes and see the faces of ppl i could not help like the 11
month old baby boy that i still remember his name his blonde curley
hair and big brown eyes as i was looking into as i was working my ass
off to keep him alive......did not work oh yeah then you have to see
the family thats always the best cause the last time they saw you and
their baby he was alive and now he is dead.or the man that meets you
at the door crying, saying that he
> thinks wife of 50 years is dead.....then you find your self
setting in the ER waiting room with your arm around him with him
crying like a baby as his family wont be there for a couple of
hours.........or the man down call that he is bleeding and in the
road you find him with blood everyware and role him over expecting to
worst only to find he had now hit you and kicked you in the family
jewels..... so now insted of sleeping i am awake every time a house
cracks or pops......
> Then just when you think it cant get worse your setting in your own
home and see your horse trample and stomp a 5 y/o neighbors boy
before your very eyes .......i just thought i felt bad before
>
>
>
>