Reggie,

When I joined this group, I was hoping to find others who experienced
being at the WTC site. I didn't receive CISD as well and I see
others having the same problem I do but refuse to recognize it. It's
hard to grieve because it seems so big, the whole experience being
down there was bigger than anything and hard for me to put into
words. I have moved as well to Washington DC. Not much better since
I pass through the Pentagon each day. The day mares are the worst
but I usually recognize quickly that what I am visioning is not real
and can control an anxiety attack before it comes on. It's hard to
not be numb since that is where I was for the longest time even while
being at Ground Zero often felt like I wasn't really there.

I wouldn't change being down there for anything. It was something
that I had to do and wanted to.

Thanks for the warm welcome!!
Michelle


--- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, Reggie Cervantes
<crquijote@y...> wrote:
> Hi Michelle,
> Welcome to the family. Like you I also have PTSD. This group has
helped me tremendously. We share and are here to be a shoulder and
listen. I write under two screen names, CRQuijote and
ClipedWingAngel. I am also a Ground Zero Survivor Rescue Worker. I
have come a long way in the process of recovery and still have a long
road ahead of me.
>
> My nightmares, day mares, flashbacks, insomnia and other symptoms
are better. Mine get worse when I get sick. I try to figure out my
triggers and of course avoid them until I can deal with them at my
own pace.
>
> I moved on to Oklahoma City with my two children to get
counseling. It has been nice living at a less hectic pace. It's
beautiful here. I never got CISD Counseling (critical incident
stress debriefing) but had some support. Here I have the tremendous
support of OKC Bombing Survivors and Family. They taught me: Dont
let anyone tell you not to grieve, Dont let anyone tell you how to
feel, Dont let anyone tell you to get over it and many more things.
>
> So welcome. Someone is around all the time. Try writing when you
need to get things out.
> Reggie
>
> M <mightymouseofnyc@v...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone:
>
> In an effort to try to find others who suffer from PTSD, I found
> this group online. About six months ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD
> which is caused from responding to the WTC (spent 3 months there)
> and losing several people I know. During this same time, my
> firefighter fiance became extremely abusive. I have just started
to
> grieve so my mind races often. It races because I have blocked out
> so many memories and visions. I startle easily, especially when
> someone comes up behind me. I have visions which my therapists has
> helped me determine when the PTSD is kicking and I get
claustophobic.
>
> Take care,
> Michelle
>
>
>
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