well first off you did nothing wrong, and it sounds like you are
already on the right track seeking help. it is hard to find yourself
again, i know i still fight everyday to figure out who i am, and i
know i will never be that person again. but i can be a new me, and
find out what i like to do. what i did and what i suggest is go out
and try new thing, or things you used to do. individual or group
activities, places to try are karate, churches, book clubs, softball
league, what ever you are interested in. there are often local
papers that will highlight activities goin on for adults.
additionally you can ask your therapist if they can reccommend a
support group for people with PTSD, or fire survivors.

to deal with the nightmares often they are brought on my triggers, it
takes time to identify those triggers but once you do it makes it
easier to deal with, or avoid them. they can be something you see,
touch, taste, hear or sense....and it can be hard...until just
recently i either slept with a nightlight or a window shade cracked
so an outside light could get i....as a child i was never afraid of
the dark. also i have a fear of sleeping with the windows
open...which mid summer in NJ made it awful hot inside!! but i
learned that i could tollerate the window being open if i put a
boxfan directly in front of it (against the sill)...for some reason
that fan gave me a sense of security....even though i lived on a
second floor with a sideways hill under my window, so short of an
unsteady ladder no one was getting to my window!

also if alcohol is still an issu you are dealing with you may want to
join a support group for that such as AA.

one last thought for today on closure, have you sent a thank you to
the firemen who saved you? often just sitting down and writing out a
heartfelt thank you in detail can hlp you start to overcome some of
the feelings of helplessness, guilt and anger. even though it has
been quite a while, i am sure they will be glad to recieve your
letter, i know when i worked the ambulance nothing made us feel
better then to hear someone say thank you, they are few and far
between for most rescue workers.


--- In emsfirepoliceptsd@yahoogroups.com, "Donn Colee"
<cwboynlthr@a...> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> On June 18, 2003 my apartment building caught fire and I was
> trapped in my apartment. I was rescued by a fireman who found
> me on the floor and pulled me out of a window and quite literally
> saved my life. For 8 months after that I walked around numbed
> beyond belief and watched my life spin out of control.
> Nightmares, anger, helplessness and alcohol became a major
> part of my life. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and trying to
unbury
> the me I used to know. I would be very interested in hearing from
> anyone else who has experienced this sort of trauma to
> exchange ideas on what I did "wrong" and what I need to do
> "right" to get back to square one again.
>
> All replies will be answered.
>
> Donn