I'm in the social service field and I have had it up to here with
coworkers (mainly female, and I'm female too!) who take it upon
themselves to go beyond mere correction of the behavior, and move
into deep character jabs and button-pushing.

First experience was when I was working at an agency for troubled
teens. I was given NO training whatsoever, except for reading the
manual 9-5 my first day--after that I was thrown in among a bunch of
delinquent teens and expected to use "common sense" to discpline
them. The manager, ironcially in the psych field herself, called me
in one day and reamed me with a whole list of things I'd done wrong
that others had gone behind my back to report (after saying to my
face that I was doing a good job!!! How 2-faced!). Turned out that
people were saying I was "spacey," had "poor judgment and
intellectual skills," and a whole bunch of other nasty things, all
because on my first damn day I had no clue how to discipline some
delinquent teens who were literally running all over the staff.
Then, senior staff would let things happen and blame ME for it ("Why
didn't you DO something? That was your responsibility!") I was
never allowed to ask questions on shift, I'd always hear about how it
was "my responsibility to know," and there was one lady in particular
who used to pull me into the staff office, slam the door, and
literally boot camp me when I'd make mistakes. not to mention
calling me "reckless" and reminding me that I was endangering the
agency's well-being and spending good taxpayer money ruthlessly by
screwing up. I'm sure she would have blamed me if hte place was
audited. All because a neew, untrained staff member was feeling
overwhelmed.

Now, at my current position, also with kids, I have a couple of
coworkers who not only do the boot-camp thing when I'm wrong, but use
classic abuse/manipulation techniques to get what they want. For
example, they'll put the fear of God in me for being late to a
meeting, but when I knock on the lady's door right on time or early
for our consultation, she'll have someone else scheduled and will
scream at me for interrupting. AFTER SHE TOLD ME TO BE THERE!! When
I tried to stick up for myself the first time, pointing out that she
*had* asked me to come at that time, she told me it was 'common sense
and good judgment' (here we go again) not to interrupt people's
private business. Oh and that "everyone else at the agency felt the
same way" (Uh no they don't--others usually understand). She also
totally gult-tripped me for wanting to change the time of a scheduled
event, accusing me of being "lazy" and not wanting to make the most
of my training (She assumed I was moving it so I could have a freebee
hour--actually it was because I have my OWN client schedule and I
need to work around these things too). In the last 2 weeks I have
been called lazy, lacking in basic common sense, and stupid, just for
not knowing some petty woman's moods and the change in rules that
seemed to occur without my knowing.

It's classic abuse--First they don't communicate, then they blame you
for not knowing and/or scold you for asking because it's "common
sense to know these things." Or, they tell you something's
inconvenient for them, but when you offer to move the time, they call
you lazy or demanding. They set you up in total catch-22's, then
break you down and kick you while you're down.

And this is the field of "helping people."

I think some social service folk need to stop and check their
hypocrisy at the door. You're in a helping profession--that means
respecting everyone, not buttering up your clients' asses and then
tearing down your coworkers as target practice.

Christ almighty.

Help.