Hello M.I.E.

-----I clipped out portions of your e-mail that i felt were
significant:

<Things between us began to change almost as soon as she was born. 9
years later and many arguments, fights, heartache, breaking up etc
etc Im at the point where I can no longer live like this.>

-----Changes in sexual relations and changes in sex drives do happen
once children enter a relationship, and do wax and wane over time.

<I carnt call it making love because that stoped after our daughter
was born'. In some cases we have not had any sex for over a year. He
shows me no emotion or effection in any shape or form.

-----Sex and showing emotion or affection aren't always two sides of
the same coin. It sounds like you're getting neither?

<Im not unattractive, im slim and take care of myself. Other men find
me attractive except the man I want the attention from.>

-----He is withholding from you what you believe you need from him in
order to feel attractive, sexy, worthy, valued, respected and loved.

-----From your post I don't see that your physical attractiveness or
lack thereof is the real point of contention. Perhaps the real point
of contention is that he has control over something (him/sex) that
you think you need, you have tried to get him to give it to you, but
he won't do this precisely BECAUSE he knows that you think you need
this.

-----Put another way, perhaps it is that sexual relations are one
important way that you feel he can show you that he does value, care
and love you--and this is the actual reason why he won't do this.

Is this his way for punishing you for something in the past that you
feel guilty about? What are the specific factors, feelings, events,
fears, etc. that are keeping you in the marriage?