Hi there - I am a new member who has joined because I am in an
emotionally abusive relationship. I am a woman, in a relationship
with a woman (having previously been married for 17 yrs) and am
having great difficulty reconciling what is happening to me.

Living with my partner is like living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. 50
percent of the time she is beautiful, loving, caring, supportive, a
wonderful step parent to my 12 year old, intelligent, talented, with
a great sense of humour. However, the change in her happens so
suddenly, and unpredictably, that it leaves me shaken and fearful -
mainly because I am never ready for it when it happens. Although I
should be, having noticed the pattern over the last 18 months we have
been together.

My partner also has an abuse background, but does not seem able to
stop the behaviour pattern. I have an abusive background (a
physicall and emotionally abusive father) and have made a long and
valiant effort to avoid such relationships all my life and also
learned not to perpetuate the behaviours onto others. Suddenly, at
the age of 45, I find myself in the middle of one.

My fear is that my partner is potentially self-destructive, and the
knowledge that she has abused and hurt me sends her into a deep
depression, usually for days. So I also end up being the one who
comforts her as well at this time. I know she does not mean to hurt
me, but hurt me she does. I am fearful, nervous, shaken, and afraid
a lot of the time.

When she loses her temper the triggers are usually small and
therefore unavoidable. She swears, yells at times, throws and breaks
things, and sometimes physically shoves me as well. I am at a loss
and - although I don't want to lose her (sadly, I still love her
deeply), I feel as though my choices are running out.

Any support, advice, or knowledge of such things out there would be
welcomed and appreciated.

Thank you for your time and for reading this post.
Yours,
Mareya Lea