I have been emotionally and phyically abuse for years. I woke up
one day and found out after 23 years of marriage I had no idea who I
married !!! I didn't think this would ever happen to me. I lived
my life very clean so I would be worthy of a wonderful man with
great values. I come from somewhat of an dysfunctional family so I
never thought I was good enough and keep alot of things inside and
tried to pretend. I believed that if I remained true to my values I
would receive a great reward. I am the only child and the only
active member in my Church. I have always loved the Gospel and it
has given me great strength growing up. I belived I had to be
perfect for anyone to want me. I dated alot of guys, was very picky
and tried with all my heart to make sure I would pick the right
man. I met my husband 3 months after he got home from a mission.
He swore to the Lord stating he was a virgin and didn't know why
because he had tried everything else but was never tempted with
women. With tears rolling down his face he said It was a miracle and
now he fully understands why !!!!!!! The Lord saved him just for
me. We read books about sex since we both supposely didn't know a
thing. We even read 2 books and he pretended to know nothing. I
was serious with another missionary whom was comming home in 3
months. He had to work fast and pretended to be everything I wanted
him to be. I thought I was marrying a great strong leader in my
church and also a return missionary.
After 23 years of marriage the truth came out and my world
crumbled. A year after I had an emergency hysterectomy which was
the day after my son's farewell I went into the hospital not having
a clue why I was a stage 3 severe dysplasia. Stage 4 was 97% fatal.
My doctor told me to go home and ask my husband if he was a virgin
because his anwser would effect my health and even my life. I did
as the doctor asked. He put his hand to the square promising God he
was a virgin and to stop asking him. Three months later was the
emgency hysterectomy. I had had several very painful procedures
before feeling so confussed and humiliate. I was even proded like a
cow as they couldn't stop the bleeding after getting tissue
samples. With no pain medication my legs were bruised for months.
I lied and said I had a ride home because my husband would rather
play golf than be bothered by me. I was use to being totally on my
own and didn't know any different at the time even though it hurt me.
Over the past 12 years I have been battling with another cancer on
my face which is commonly cured. It went out of control and I had
over 20 surgries. There were times I thought I may not live because
it dev.into a tumor and was travling towards my eye. I had been bed
riddon on and off for years due to all the surgeries. My husband
was tried of taking care of me and told me he thought he married
someone healthy and didn't know how much more he could take/ I
began to feel guilty and hated to be a burden.
We all hell broke lose when I broke my foot in May of 02. He yelled
and me telling me how I have ruined the family vacations. He had a
trip planned to go to Lake Powell with the kids. I told him to go
ahead without me, I just asked for him to buy me 3 things at the
store. I was in a wheel chair and couldn't even open the friege
without help. To go to the rest room I had to figure out a method
to be sucessful but was also very dangerous. I would wheel my chair
over to the door of the rest room, carry a crutch with me then would
lean on the crutch and the door and had one swing to make it. If I
did'nt I would have been in serious trouble. It was a bad brake and
I could have no pressure on it for 4 weeks. He left me for a week
all alone with no one to even check in on me. When I asked him
about the food he yelled and stated, "I can't be both parents and he
had to do everthing to get ready and he didn't have time for me. He
was so angry when he left I didn't understand. I actually felt
guilty. A friend from church called me a few day's before he left
and told me she was concernd because she asked how I was doing and
he told her not too have pitty on me because it was all my fault for
breaking my foot. When confronting him he played down the story and
made it sound like she was overexzaggerating.
He called me once from Lake Powell to inform me he wrecked the boat
and to make sure I got and insurance check to the neighhbor. I was
fortunate to have some people in my ward drop by. They were
appauled he left me in this state. I was beginning to understand
how wrong it was of him. Some one came over every day to feed me
and check up to see if I was okay.
When he returned it was our anniversary. I gave him a nice gift and
a card. He took one look at it and said, "Take it all back it was
nothing but shit !!!!! He told me all I buy was shit and to stop
it. He is an advade golfer. I bought him a crystal paper weight
that had a golfer carved into the stone. I had ordered it motns ago
wanting to surprize him. I could'nt beleive what he was saying he
had never been so cruel to me.
I had a friend call me and tell me she really needed to talk to me.
I had been held prizoner in my home for day's. He wouldn't even
allow me to talk on the phone, later I found out he would tell
people I was on medication and could'nt come to the phone. Some how
my friend was able to talk Gordon my husband to letting me out for a
short time and how it would be good for me. It was a miracle
because he did. She immediatley stated that her niece just died of
cervical cancer and it was a 100% sexually transmitted dieseae. I
couldn't nor would I believe it. She called her neigbor over whom
was an obgyn. I told him I need to know the truth. He stated yes
this was true. He questioned me about my past. I told him I had
never been touch. He asked me about my husband and told him he was
a partier and smoked alot of pot but never was with another women.
He then told me could have been drunk and did'nt know it. I thought
that must be it. I called him immediatley and told him I had a
doctor next to me that is telling me cervical cancer is caused by a
sexually tranmitted diease. I aked him one last time. "Gordon were
you a virging"? He stated "no". I asked him how many others and he
said 10. He then cried stating it wasn't his fault because he had
bad girl friends and once you do it you can't stop. And also stated
he wasn't interviewed properly before his mission so it wasn't his
fault. I passed out in shock and my heart was so broken I wanted to
die due to the pain. The next day he told me he had a daughter.
then a grandchild. My world feel apart. My cancer came back on my
face and I asked if this cancer had to do with anything called HPV.
He stated yes, this virus affects the immune system and that's why
my body hasn't been able to fight it. When he saw the stiches on my
face again he yelled and screamed!! Why dont you just blame it on
me !!!!!!!! I was tested with 13 high risk and 7 low virues. My
doctor told me this could kill me or I could kill it depending on my
immune system and stress was the number one killer. My husband went
from being mean to crazy. He told people I was on drugs and an un
fit mother. He would still my pain pills then went to my bishop and
told him I was a drug addict inwhich I was called in for the next
sunday. I was blown away, was this a dream ?? No one would even
believe me when I told them the things he said to me. He threatend
my life several times. He even planned to over dose me telling
others I was on herion and opium drugs after my last surgry and he
said I was popping all kinds of pills and very worried about me to
my friends and his family. I was taking davacet because he could
still any Lortaibs. I suffered so much pain because darvcet is like
an ex-strength tyneol. I told him this because of my nursing back
ground. He planned the day and used one of my best friends to be
apart of this without her knowledge. I have a written letter
stating this to be true. I still was in shock, I was numb!!!!!!
After she confronted him he blew up and denied it. She left and we
went to pick up my son. I asked him what on earth he was doing? He
stated, "You don't get it Susan do you, why do you think my eyes are
so brown? Its because I'm full of shit ! There was a loud noise in
the car in which he just fixed up for me. He bought a wrecked BMW
trying to buy his forgiveness. He stated it's a bomb Susan we are
going to blow up, I have a bomb planted in here. Later that night
he told me what would you do if I over medicated you and molested
you and did what ever I wanted to your body and you would know?
Things were becomming so frightening!! The movie what lies beneath
was looking G rated. I told my Bishop and all he said was Susan
know don't you know Gordon by know...... That's something he would
say. He wasn't concerned about my saftey at all. I had no family
and was all alone. He brain washed people and told them many lies
including my relgious leaders. I couldn't understand because the
truth was right there. I had almost died of cervical cancer, he
infected my immune sytem, gave me 13 high risk virues and 7 low. I
could still die. They were in dormant but they could manifest
itself anytime. One was vulva cancer. I went to a specialist and
she told me I had the number and to be very careful to be check on a
regular basis because this was deadly and would travel to all my
female organs and other surrounding areas. When I read about women
that had this cancer I wanted to just die before I got such a
horrible thing. They remove all your female organs, bladder and
intestines. You basically have a large hole and you are an it
because there is no female parts left. Gordon told me he didn't
feel guilty nor would he be responsible. He kept trying to find
evidence that I got it from somewhere else and then would tell his
family members. He was also abusing my younger son at the time
because he wasn't like him. He didn't play sports nor wanted to
golf. I took him to a councelor and she told me she was calling my
bishop because Gordon needed to leave the house because of the abuse
of this child and she hoped it wasn't to late. That is how I got
him out of the house. He told me if I ever left him he would make
life hell for me and would slowly turn all the children against me.
It's amazing because that is what he did. When my son came home
from a mission he moved out immediatly and stated the spirit wasn't
with me only with his father. I knew then Gordon must have been
writting him telling him horrible lies. I confronted Gordon and he
stated yes, and someday I might tell him. I believed him for 23
years. His life was a lie, how could I blame my children. So I
just pray every day one day the truth will come out. My middle son
can see right through him and refuses to be around him. It was a
miracle to get a divorce from this man. He was diffently a
naracissict social path. Still do the day he will not leave me
alone. I found out that he took my name off everything when he
found out he had a daughter 10 years ago and planned a divorce if I
found out. He took my name off the bussiness,house etc. I had
nothing. I even found out through my attorney he took out a 2nd
life insurance policy out on me. I had'nt been cancer free for over
12 years, how did he do that? He own's 2 body shops (car
collisions) and mostly does insurance work so he knows how to work
the system somehow. Past employee's have told me stories of him
having other girl friends and affairs but they were too afraid of
him to testify.
His family turned on me stating he made one mistake and how I
wouldnt forgive him. So many people that I thought would support me
turned. That was my Gethsemane!! I found out he was a lair and
cheater, especially with his income taxes. My attorney advised me
not to go to trial because he would be put in prison for tax frued
and I would get nothing. I got maybe 10% and had to find a job to
provide insurance for me since I was un insurable. He hid from 3-10
million at least a forenic account told me and hid it in cash and
gold and it would be difficult to trace it. He was a friend and a
very well know throughout the United States. He advised my attorney
just to get me out for saftey and enough to be okay. Well that
didn't work too well, He got away with everything and I hardly got
nothing. But I did'nt care I was free. But I'm not free he still
haunts me too this day. One day he said if I can't have you no one
will. I know this story sounds unbeliveable and at times it does to
me also.
I had my first abnormal pap smear 3 months after marriage. A man
that carries Hpv has no symptoms but he infect a virgin on there
first intercourse because she tear down to the 3rd layer of skin and
is immedialty infected with this cancer called the silent deadly
killer that 50,000 women die of each year and they don't even know
why. If my husband would have told the truth at any given point I
would have been taken care of. I never once had a normal pap smear
and no one told me why?
How far is this for woman. Then to be thrown down in the mudd by
him trying to destroy my soul. He told me ," Susan Heavenly Father
wasn't looking out for you was he, he had his back turned on you
when you married me"!!!!!!
If anyone can please help me I need it. I have no family and he is
a master at deciving. Still to this day I don't know who he is nor
what he is capable of. Please forward this message on and maybe it
will get into the right hands. I'm praying for help, and help for
my son and the horrible example he sets for my
children. IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN
HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUSAN