I want to mention that when I discovered this biology of emotions and
used the self-help measures based on this, I had no support from anyone
to guide me other than my new understanding of the biology. This
understanding is what I am offering to others by publishing the article
on the Internet. Also, I occasionally used other techniques along with
these meausres. I need to say that I have never proposed the self-help
measures as the only way, although they will work fully by themselves.
The toxic mind theory supports most therapies and many other techniques,
such as those of Thomas Stone, Jean Jensen, Stettbacher, Hubbard, and
others, and I have mentioned these in the longer version of my article.
I feel hurt and angry when people suggest that I am proposing this as
the only way.

I hope this is clear to anyone interested in the self-help measures. I
also want to say that if anyone is using the self-help measures by
themselves, it is very important to keep re-reading the article so as to
understand how these measures work, and all of the explanations of what
post-flood is, i.e. the end of the major detoxification of repressed
anger, and that there will continue be some lingering anger that needs
to be redirected for a good year, and that there will be a long period
of grief, and that there will always be a  need to be vigilant about not
suppressing anger in current interactions. Being normal does not mean a
sustained 'high.'  It is having all the emotions we were born
with--anger, sadness, and joy. Please keep re-reading the articles. The
purpose of this list is not to repeat what can be found in the articles,
but to provide a place for further understanding and new ways to use the
self-help meauses that some of you have shared with me.
Ellie

I've been quite low.  I had a couple of really bad weeks
which made me really feel I'm not post-anything at all.
  There's a Primal centre here I just found out
about, and I'm going to try it out. I was in tears at
the intial interview - and that's before the therapy even starts.
Cathy
--

  Don't forget the post- flood I speak of is post -intense anger.
The muddy basin with some anger and a lot of sadness and
grief lasted for me a good year. When most of the anger is gone
there is intense grief. (it's the parasympathetic system detoxing) .
Janov makes it clear that post-primal doesn't always mean happy.

The primal therapy sounds good--it might help you get
through the grief period faster--but I'll be very surprised
if you have much more anger to detox. The
problem with primal therapy for detoxing the repressed anger
is that not all the therapists understand the need to redirect
anger during a primal. And his means that during primal therapy one
can experience more emotional pain than is necessary. But
it might be very helpful going through the grief
period. I'll be very interested in how it goes for you.
Ellie

I talked to Lynn this morning on the phone. She is the young girl in
Switzerland  who became post-flood in about three months using the
self-help measures. You will find her testimonial on the
http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 site. One of the things she said to me was,
"It was scary," and this is true. It means having the courage to feel
the fear that signals repressed anger, and then getting the anger out
and redirecting it.
Ellie

-

> Ellie,
> I have a new sense of respect for you for responding to my
> disobediance with little defensiveness and much humanity. I've always
> been afraid of expressing my true feelings to authority figures, who,
> when challenged, usually defend their guruships and attending dogma to
> the death (always mine not theirs).
> It's refreshing to meet a prostelytizer who is open to challenge and
> who admits that her expressions (words) are not always perfect.
> No wonder you don't have a big following and Mainstream
> Science/Psychology hasn't embraced your theory. Ha! Ha! (To me this
> may be a sign that you're the real deal.)
> Thanks, too, for posting my poem. That made me smile. :)
> With affection,
> Maury

Dear Maury,
My only claim to authority is about the science and that the theory of
toxicosis is proven by  research-- fifty years of my reserach and that
of many others--and it is upon this that the self-help measures are
based--and why they work. About how to convey these measures to others
and how to carry them out, I am only one who, by understanding the
simple biology, used these measures and found them to rapidly restore my
sanity, relieve me of all addictions, and bring me to that state of
normalcy that Janov describes as post primal. I make many mistakes in
conveying this and continually learn new ways of using the meausres from
others.

It's interesting that a number of people have been very excited about
this theory and then questioned it--you among them. I found an old
message from you saying you couldn't understand any flack I got, knowing
this was hard earned wisdom. I think that people doing this work have
times when they are detoxing (having detox crises, ie excitatory
sympoms, such as misdirected anger) and anger is being released (as
toxic amounts of neurochemicals). I think they are trying to rightfully
express anger at their parents and others in authority who made them
suffer. Sometimes this gets directed at me in the form of criticism of
the theory. I hope that no one ever feels guilty when this happens, if
so, I would send my usual response--guilt is anger misdirected
inward--hope it can be redirected. We are all innocent.

"Mainstream Science/Psychology hasn't embraced your theory." They have
been confronted--most acknowledge it's truth and then ignore me.

I'm beginning to get some nice respnses from prisons. Take a look at the
testimonials on my new earthlink site. And soon it will be up in five
languages. You may find dancing neruons speaking in Arabic.
Ellie

The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway

Janet  wrote:

> please tell me more about this Caron program...where is this?  how
> much
> does it cost?  info greatly appreciated..
>
> I will work this week to again attempt to redirect and get in touch
> with
> anger and rage
>
> all I feel is hopelessness and fear...scared...
>
> but will try again and see if I can access anger and rage.

Dear Janet
Caron is a big center with rehabs and they have a special place for
people to go and do the work on co-dependency. It is a beautiful house
in PA and where I went and learned to do redirecting of anger in a  kind
of psychodrama, they call them sculptures.. It was the beginning of my
true recovery. I have never received the love I got in that one week.
The sculptures for example were-- I would pretend I was back in the crib
and two others in my group would pretend they were my parents ignoring
me. Then instead of just crying, the counselors encouraged me to get MAD
and yell and hit a hard pillow with a padded bat called a bataka. This
is what my self-help measures are based on, and my discovery of the
biology of all this is why it works.

The progam is called Co-dependency Treatment for Adult Children from
Dysfunctional families. It cost sabout $1000---it's worth every penny if
you are having trouble doing this on your own. You have to pay upfront
but my insurance company eventually paid for it after some prodding on
my part and a letter from my therapist. Lots of therapists go to Caron,
to help themselves, and then better help their clients.

The phone number for Caron is 1-800-678-2332
See also http://www.caron.org/

Please try to trust that the toxic mind theory is sound and
scientifically true, and the self-help measures are based on what is
going on in the brain. When you feel fear (or any nervous symptom) it is
because your brain is releasing (detoxing) excess adrenaline. Underneath
the fear and other symptoms, (misdirected anger, guilt, low self-esteem,
paranoia, cravings, etc) is represssed anger (stored as excess
noradrenaline). All the symptoms are detoxification crises, and the
trick is to understand this and everytime you have a symptom, get MAD,
pound on the bed or mentally redirect it toward ALL past people who
caused  you to suppress your justifiable anger.. Your parents did the
best they could but they were sick, and it is their sickness you need to
get mad at, not their true souls.

Ellie

My Girlfriend's Cat
by Maury

Tis true—
My girlfriend's cat and I
Spook each other—she/me, with
Sudden, sharp biting when I've
Scratched too long and
Too hard on her rear haunches
Raaaar!

Me/she
With weighted steps and
Leaden frame enfused with the
Rage of suppressed years, jerking into the
Room too fast, slamming the cabinet with the
Faulty latch hard so the damn thing'll catch.
Rrrrrr!

Tis true—
Regarding my girlfriend's cat: that I
Long considered her biting, her
Primal and immediate response to mis—
Treatment a sign of mental dis—
Ease—but I now see—very plainly—it is
Not!

For if—
One observes closely one will invariably
Discover—not a thin minute after biting—my
Girlfriend's cat once again purring, re—
Sounding with forgiveness, whilst I nurse my
Wounds—both inside and out—for
Days!


--

-Sally's response to some recent posts.
>Hi,
>Yes, the work is all inside, and so simple,
>it's just about getting all the anger out... Feelings of loneliness are
a
>craving, a craving for people in the co-dependent way.
>Get mad at your parents. They caused you to 'need' people because
>they were not there for you when you needed to be dependent as a child.

>But we don't need people in that sense as adults, we need to get angry
>at our parents and then the need for co-dependencies will disappear.
>Try yelling at them while picturing them every time you feel lonely.
>When you are post flood you will never feel lonely again. That's a
>promise.Love,Ellie

Hi Ellie,
Every time I get a message from you I feel I get an insight and I am
working within to redirect the anger at my parents. I realized this
weekend
as a guest at Rancho La Puerta in Tecate Mexico that I feel I do not
connect in a deeper way with people. It's an effort to talk and connect
although I'm a social butterfly. Sounds like a paradox. I start another
group for 6 sessions on Tues and I plan to bring that issue up. I
realize
it is my mother and now I have another issue to redirect. I don't know
if
it's loniliness that I feel but I've had to fend for myself for so long
not
relying on 'mother' or even 'father' although he was more there for me.
I
understand codependency more each day and now you've added another piece
to
the puzzle. That's what cracked me up in the last group therapy I was
in. I
realized I was so codependent and damned if I stayed or didn't stay. I
did
leave and the new therapist feels that the therapist was codependent as
well. The emotional pain was excruciating for 2 months and started
fading
in August and now I'm getting clarity. I realize that when those
feelings
come up of feeling bad about myself for not connecting more
authentically
and deeply with others that I can vent on my mother. I also do cartoons
and
she and another woman in group that 'attacked' me are the butt of the
cartoons and that is helpful and hilarious too. There's hope for me.

------------------------------- rejection note
--------------------------

The following is a former note of yours about rejection and leg
injury...and my notes follow it.

>As painful as it is, rejection can be turned into anger and in fact
become less painful and a trigger for recovery. As you can imagine this
theory was rejected by a number of psychiatric journals...

But when I told him about how this theory developed as a result of my
own personal recovery he quickly rejected it. Not being a neuroscientist

he was unable to understand the scientific proof, and not post-flood
himself he probably could not see the merit in self-help measures. I was

devastated and hurt but soon realized this was again an opportunity to
heal. It triggered my birth trauma, i.e. he gave my theory life and then

rejected it just as my parents gave me life and then rejected me
emotionally.

This happened toward the end of my detox. For several weeks I did a lot
of pounding on the bed and yelling at my parents (and the editor) and
mentally expressing my anger all through the day. The healing was
dramatic and it brought me to post-flood. It was interesting that during

this time I wrote a note to a friend that came out in child's
handwriting. I ALSO DEVELOPED BRUISE MARKS ON MY LEGS WHERE I HAD BEEN
HELD UPSIDE DOWN WHEN I WAS BORN. JANOV HAS PICTURES OF THIS IN HIS
CLIENTS WHO WERE EXPERIENCING BIRTH TRAUMA. THIS HAPPENS BECAUSE NEURAL
PATHWAYS WHERE MEMORIES OF THESE EARLY EVENTS ARE STORED ARE BEING
CLEARED OUT. AFTER THIS DRAMATIC HEALING I WAS ABLE TO REMEMBER A NUMBER

OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS WITHOUT EMOTIONAL PAIN.

>I hope you will be able to use any rejections, small or large, for your

benefit. Ellie

Sally's response:

I have had a number a leg injuries and just am recovering from another.
I
had photos taken of me in my late 20's for social purposes and my best
friend noticed that both of my feet from the ankles down looked
'withered'.
I had to agree. In my 30's and 40's I had one, serious staph infection
with
ulcers around the feet and ankles and healed it naturally and two,
severe
edema in both legs from twisting an ankle! (Eating disorder involvement
on
last one) During the crescendo of the edema/ankle twist I attended a
psychic/astrological lecture in Miami and accidently went into trance
when
the lecturer did and I looked at my legs and I could 'see' 'feel' that
injuries were psychically related to some childhood trauma that went
unnamed. I was in a state of deep relaxation. After the lecture was over
I
got up and walked out without the crutches and pain!

NOW I have a severe spasm in the center of my right adductor from doing
too
much afro-cuban dancing and yoga and modern dance. It went into severe
bruising from the groin to the knee and down into the calf and ankle
area,
a 'pulled muscle'. The healing is working downward and the
blood/bruising
is pooling now mainly around the knee and I noticed new swelling above
the
ankle. I attended a Juan Gabriel concert in Tijuana that began at 1 am.
It
was a stretch physically however I was in good company. I had to stand
most
of the time and shift weight (dance) because it was too painful to sit.
He
projected so much love and the audience sang along with him in a chorus
response way much of the time. I got such a feeling of love and union
while
that was happening. Anyway after the concert and the next morning I had
nearly zero pain and limp. The pain and limp kicked in again on the way
home when I had to sit on the bus, in the airport, on the plane, in the
car. I was shocked by your comment on birth trauma. I feel my mother
must
have done something terribly restrictive to my feet early on or perhaps
it
could be - being held to strongly by the feet by the doctor at birth.
Somehow I feel my mother is involved doing anything she can to restrict
my
movement and energy. Sorry this is such a long note. I must say that I
was
a born athlete with gold medals in my father's geneology and it's been
hard
looking back not to have that developed in my by my mother. I'm making
up
for lost time and I overdid the afro-cuban thing. I guess I can get mad
at
her for all of my self-medicating and overdoing and not developing a
better
sense of balance and taking care of myself, too. I can still feel this
lump/muscle knot in the center of the right adductor now that most of
the
swelling is down. The injury has also been accompanied with occasional
nausea, near passing out, feelings that I will throw up or poop, and
loss
of appetite. It feels that in some way my inner core is coming to life
and
my appetite is more organic and natural and not so compulsive. That's
some
progress. However, I feel too that there is a knot in my adductor and a
corresponding one in my intestines. I had very abusive toilet training
and
nothing much came out after that including emotions. Somehow I feel the
leg
injury is related to the 'intestinal injury'.

Thanks for you awesome notes and insights. They really sing and speak to
me.
Sally

Thank you Sally -- when the nervous system clears out as a result of
releasing and redirecting anger, it can repair the peripheral damage
that occurred during childhood trauma. It is all a deoxification
process--the brain is releasing toxic neurochemicals that have prevented
it from functioning normally--and in this process we re-experience the
acute trauma, hence the appearance of bruise marks or swelling or other
temporay symptoms. When I was doing a food detox, which I did along with
the anger detox, I re-experienced acute lung problems--I had a lung
tumor that healed. Another time I had a severe strep throat--may have
been related to early damage during tonsilitis and surgery for that.
Toward the end of my emotional detox for a week I had a fever of around
103, all a part of my body detoxing and healing.
Ellie

PS I want to add something imporant I left out on this subject--you see
how imperfect I am (smiles). When I said post-flood people are not
lonely, this was not meant to say post-flood people necessarily live
alone. Janov talks of post-primal people marrying, but it's not via
romantic love.
Ellie

A response to my saying, 'when post-flood you will never feel lonely
again.'

Ellie,
I have been suppressing this response for a while but here goes:
According to
me, the above is panacea-type thinking. Yet another Extreme. "You will
NEVER
feel lonely again." To me it feels like grandiosity. Is uncertain life
(life
without adherence to one theory, one guru, etc.) really like this? I
don't
believe so. Your theory makes much sense and is definately worth testing
out
on one's own (which is what I am doing with my punching bag) but it is
not
THE end-all theory, the ONE ANSWER. I am so sick of "if you just do
this, you
will NEVER feel lonely or fearful or WHATEVER AGAIN" Also, I am a little

suspicious of the way this list is set-up (everything filtered thru you,
with
you as the authority/guru of re-directing). It doesn't feel very
democratic
to me.
Obviously, you've pushed my buttons. I'll save you telling me that my
anger
should really be directed towards my parents (the original gurus).
You're
right. I will have a go at the punching bag later re: this
authority/obediance issue. But I believe you need to hear this, too.
Still your friend?,
Maury

In an attempt to be democratic, I am posting your comments to the list
(smiles). I have set up the list this way for several reasons. It is not
necessary to interact with others on the list to use the measures. I
don't wish to be repetitive on this list, but to offer it as one way to
recover, a way that has been shown to be faster than some of the other
methods. I also wish to keep everyone anonymous on the list. I would
rather not put on the list opinions that are not born out by the
biology. I don't really have time to put everything on the list. Perhaps
I will eventually put the testimonials on my web page and not have a
list. But I find it is a way to attract people and to be more helpful.

It has never been my intention that the self-help measures are the only
way, and I've made this very clear, and also that I am not a guru and
very much learning from your experience and that of others. But I do
claim knowledge of the biology of emotions, and upon this is based some
of the claims I make. You will find these same claims made by others who
are post-flood (post-primal, post-therapy, 'cleared' by dianetic
therapy). The theory is scientifically valid and supports primal
therapy, experiential therapy, Janov, Miller, Jensen, Stettbacher, the
dianetic therapy of Scientology, and many others.

Someone told me Alice Miller was self-centered and autocratic. Anyone
who stands up at a 12-step meeting and tells their story and claims
sobriety might be considered the same. I also read that when someone has
discovered a truth they come across as arrogant. I understand I can come
across this way. What can I say--I am not perfect or fully recovered
myself-- of course I cannot claim such a thing. But the biology I have
discovered is true, the self-help meausres do work and work rapidly if
used consistently, and I am post-flood, or post-primal  in Janov's
sense, and my addictions are gone, at least 99% gone  (As for any
flood--in this case the flood of excess neurotransmitters in the
brain--there is no 100%.) This means I don't crave people in a
co-dependent sense, i.e. I am not lonely, even when alone. Co-dependency
is an addiction, the basic addiction upon which all other addicitons are
based, and addictions cease post-flood or certainly after the muddy
basin period I speak of.  The feelings of lonliness I refer to are a
craving for co-dependencies. Of course we all want and need people, but
not in the co-depentent sense. If I had written 'you will not be
lonely', instead of 'you will never be lonely' would that have been
better (more smiles)? I'm not perfect about how I say things and one
other nice thing I claim about being post-flood is that I am no longer a
perfectionist .

You mention fear also. When I read your message I had a twinge of fear,
part of my restored fight or flight response, but it disappeared right
away as I realized I could reply to what you said and defend myself. The
freedom from fear I speak of post-flood is a freedom from the intense
neurotic fear that gripped me for 60 plus years. My life was one long
panic attack. Should I not offer freedom from this to others?

Of course we are friends. When are you sending me your picture to pin up
on my bulletin board of post-flood friends.
Ellie


--


The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579
To join the Depression-Anxiety list:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/Depression-Anxiety

Here are some endorsements.

From Prisons, People, Psychologists, and the Bible

“You are absolutely correct that when one of our wards decides to set
out on the path to recovery, self-help as well as structured programs
such as the twelve step are effective. Your personal biography adds
perspective.”  Director, State of California Youth Correctional Agency.

“Your interest in providing self-help materials for the inmates is well
appreciated.” Warden, Federal Prison, USA

  “I wish you success.” Official of the US Department of Justice.

“I was mentally ill and locked on violent wards in mental hospitals for
many years. I had serious addictions and suffered intense anxiety and
depression. I turned my anger inward in suicidal rage. At age 70, after
using the self-help measures for a few months my anxiety and depression
were gone. Within a year I was free of all emotional problems and
addictions. I have all the emotions I was born with, anger, sadness, and
joy. My mind is at peace. Ellie

  “I searched endlessly for help from depression, dread, fear, and
emptiness in my life. I have at last been given permission to express my
anger in a way that would not effect others or leave me feeling bad,
wrong, guilty, or worse. I can feel the toxins coming out. It’s working.
I am so excited. It’s all ringing true. I feel alive for the first time
ever. I feel joy and a sense of well-being and relief. Your theory is
brilliant, simple, and beautiful.” Cathy

“What made a difference to me was the redirecting concept…to give back
the anger to those who triggered it. It did not fix my marriage--it
salvaged it. We were talking about separation. Guess what the main
reason for a divorce would have been--‘uncontrollable outbursts of
violence’ on my part. I had been chronically depressed for 25 years. Now
it is three months that I haven’t felt depressed. I can’t believe I am
even saying this, having turned round and round in circles for 10 years
in therapy. Now I trust my own body and soul to know the way.” Lynn

“I  was touched by your story. It is truly wonderful, and speaks volumes
for the efficiency of this approach. I had a major depressive episode
that almost cost me my life. I was in despair. I tried screaming and
hitting inanimate objects to turn the depression into anger. The results
are astonishing. My depression lifts immediately. I found my repressed
anger against my mom, and worked at it so effectively I really
understand where the term "flood" comes from.  I feel much better. I had
my worst suicidal attack when I while on an antidepressant. I no longer
use antidepressants. I have lost interest in TV violence. I know I have
more work to do and that this is a gradual process. Frank

“I have continued to mentally redirect and connect the "bad"
feelings--any feelings of becoming small, vulnerable, feeling less than,
feeling abandoned, alone, stupid or ugly. Since I usually feel "small"
around other people I do this mentally even at work. It levels out my
low mood within minutes. My lingering depression which lasted for almost
a year is pretty much lifted. It works!! I am feeling so much better.
The beating on the bed didn't work for me. Instead I am in a cycling
class with pumping, aggressive, outrageous music and as I am cycling
like a madwoman I am imagining my strength at decimating my tormentors.
It is very physical and I feel so released. Their faces appear less and
less. My best to you Ellie and your wonderful messages. Cindy

“Beautifully formulated and expressed.” Reviewer, The Journal of
Theoretical Biology.

“Pioneering. I have been writing for decades about how nations go
through cycles of feeling toxic and then going to war to purge
themselves.” Lloyd de Mause,  Psychohistory.

“Extremely impressive…promising.” Editor, Psychophysiology.

  “Compelling and intriguing.” Reviewer, Psychiatry.

“Magnificent, awesome.” Nutritionist.

  “You are helping many people.”  Psychiatrist.

  “When I read your abstract it was as though all the dots in my brain
connected. Thousands will read it. I am incorporating the principles in
my therapy and will give it to friends who work in prisons.”
Psychotherapist

“I will be writing a paper about this for a school psychology journal.”
School psychologist.

The New Testament word for sin, ‘hamartia,’ comes from the sport of
archery and literally means "missing the mark" –misdirected anger! The
Biblical command, Old and New Testament, is: "Be angry and do not
sin."          9/9/99

Please re-read the article on the geocities site. The self-help measures
are very simple once you study this and understand the simple concept of
wrong neurons and the need to redirect anger at the first sign of
nervous symptoms.

The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579

Ellie

I have been feeling so much better lately. I'm whispering it.... Like I
want it to be a secret... I'm so much afraid it would be taken away from

me...
Remember you told me about a friend who rejected you during your work on

your depression and how it helped you getting the anger out? Well it
happened to me too!!! She didn't actually reject me. She is like a
sister to me! She made me admit that I was blaming her for my
depression. But then even though she called for it, she was badly hurt.
God knows I didn't want to hurt her. She asked for some time off. She
needed to detach for a while. She needed to know where she stood with
me. Take your time, I said. I love you.
I thought I was very hurt myself. But no! I was not hurt. And there's
the big change in thought!! I was mad at her!!! I was so angry and I let

it all out in the privacy of my mind, using T.'s fu fu prayers at work,
allowing it to come out at home...
Then she called and apologized and I apologized too and cried some and
laughed some...
Anyway. I do feel so much better. Actually I don't feel any depression
at all.... (Whispering again here...)
Irene

How nice to hear from you and what wonderful work you are doing.  Don't
whisper, shout it to the world, your depression will slowly disappear
the more you do things like what you just did. It will get better and
better.  Releasing and redirecting anger has the same effect as an
antidepressant. The more you keep doing the self-help
measures there will come a time when you don't need an antidepressant.
BE SURE  to redirect the anger toward your parents if you are
mad at a friend who seems to reject you. Your parents are
the ones who really rejected you.
Love,
Ellie

Hi, things are a bit better, haven't had another panic attack,
for that I'm very grateful. I'm pretty stuck in the depression...
  seems like too much effort to even clean my body these days....
  I feel so helpless, powerless, ...
  I have a hunch its the loneliness that's hurts so much right now, and I
don't seem to
  feel worthy of going out.
   I keep thinking that I need to 'go outside' myself to get help,
and then there is a voice inside of me that
  says....you have you're own answers, just do the work...
Patsy

Hi,
I'm glad things a bit better. Yes, the work is all inside, and so
simple,
it's just about getting all the anger out. Some have found they can
get out of the depression by going and doing some work releasing
and redirecting the anger. It's a periodic detox process. Feelings
of loneliness are a craving, a craving for people in the co-dependent
way.
Get mad at your parents. They caused you to 'need' people because
they were not there for you when you needed to be dependent as a child.
But we don't need people in that sense as adults, we need to get angry
at our parents and then the need for co-dependencies will disappear.
Try yelling at them while picturing them every time you feel lonely.
When you are post flood you will never feel lonely again. That's a
promise.
Love,
Ellie

As painful as it is, rejection can be turned into anger and in fact
become less painful and a trigger for recovery. As you can imagine this
theory was rejected by a number of psychiatric journals. Sending it to
these journals was an opportunity for me to confront the abuses I
suffered in the hands of many psychiatrists and to feel and release
anger.  Finally a journal editor enthusiastically accepted the theory,
even invited me to speak at his International Convention along with
Alice Miller.

But when I told him about how this theory developed as a result of my
own personal recovery he quickly rejected it. Not being a neuroscientist
he was unable to understand the scientific proof, and not post-flood
himself he probably could not see the merit in self-help measures. I was
devastated and hurt but soon realized this was again an opportunity to
heal. It triggered my birth trauma, i.e. he gave my theory life and then
rejected it just as my parents gave me life and then rejected me
emotionally.

This happened toward the end of my detox. For several weeks I did a lot
of pounding on the bed and yelling at my parents (and the editor) and
mentally expressing my anger all through the day. The healing was
dramatic and it brought me to post-flood. It was interesting that during
this time I wrote a note to a friend that came out in child's
handwriting. I also developed bruise marks on my legs where I had been
held upside down when I was born. Janov has pictures of this in his
clients who were experiencing birth trauma. This happens because neural
pathways where memories of these early events are stored are being
cleared out. After this dramatic healing I was able to remember a number
of childhood traumas without emotional pain.

I hope you will be able to use any rejections, small or large, for your
benefit.

Ellie

From Lynn (who is post-flood) about other techniques.

I did some Stettbacher before I read your article and it used
to send my into psychotic states - I even had my second most
serious attempt at suicide while I was trying to use his technique,
although I had the support of my shrink, I was doing my Stett
sessions alone. The pain was appalling and although it was
possible to make sense of it, what was missing was a dynamic
momentum to put the "bad", the "wrong", all the negative in
a word, OUTSIDE my self. My ego always surrendered to
stronger feelings of guilt and depreciation, throwing my into
deep depression and causing my work to be interrupted.
I had come to the conclusion - with my shrink - that my
emotional world was inaccessible without the turmoil of
guilt and the subsequent depression, and that, when I was
functioning well, a complete seal was put upon my feelings.
I felt disconnected from myself to the point of seeming an
iceberg, and I felt the constant threat over my head of a
crisis coming out of nowhere at ANY time. The systematic
re-directing of ALL agressivity towards the outside - towards
the very people who caused it in the first place was what
made it possible for me to face the pain, feel the feelings and
let detox my brain. Lynn

Yes, and this happens also in primal therapy. Using the self-help
  measures one can turn 'thoughts' of need or guilt (rather than sitting
  in that pain or trying toexpress it) into anger at the very beginning
  of a primal (a detox) and redirect the anger toward parents who didn't
  supply that need or made us feel guilty. The primal will be less
  painful, end sooner, and be a more effective healing event. There may
be a high and then some depression afterward.This does not mean the
detox crisis was incomplete or unresolved. It's just part of the cycle.
This is what the self-help measures are about, and doing this all day
  long at the first sign of an excitatory symptom (a primal, a detox),
rather than just at primal sessions, is what makes recovery rapid.
  Ellie

From Margie
I used the holotropic breath work techniques and fall into real deep
pain.
Your method helped me not to be stuck in it but to get out of it very
quickly. I am grateful for your method.

I'm so glad to hear when the measures can be used along with other
therapies and techniques.
Ellie



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>
> I spent over 60 years in relationships, either living with someone or
> married, and was desperately lonely. Since post-flood and for the
first
> time, I've been living alone and NEVER feel lonely--not to say it is
> best to live alone, but if this is what happens for some of us, there
> will be no loneliness.
Ellie

Hmmm.  This is interesting because I was desperately lonely all my life
until the Christmas of 1996 after I got the restraining order against
the ogre, and suddenly the loneliness was GONE.  I don't know where it
went.  I had been suffering so much in that relationship, and then I
suffered so much when it was over, and I also lost the man I loved (not
the ogre) at the same time.  I wrote a play about how I felt... my first

play.  That's all I did for about two months was write this play.  And
my female character fully expressed all the hate and anger and
bitterness and despair and craziness and grief I was feeling and acted
what she was feeling out on the male character, and it was so
cathartic.  When I finished the play I felt I had finished with the ogre

and the other man.  And somehow the loneliness was gone and has never
returned.  In fact, I don't want anyone around.  I'm having much too
good a time getting to know myself.
Love,
Valerie

What a great story of healing,--getting the anger out at those who hurt
you in relationships and I'll bet those men who weren't there for you
were father substitues, a father who couldn't be there for you either.
You were using the self-help measures long before I found them. The
discovery of the biology just supports what people have been doing
intuitively for a long time.. Thanks for sharing this.
Ellie



--

Yesterday I wrote:I've been saying there are no highs post-flood, but I
must say I do get
> a high from time to time that may be related to the release of old
> anger. When I slap a stamp on each of  l00 letters to prisons, I say
to
> myself, 'close this place down.'  I suspect this is some old anger at
> the pscyh hospitals where I was locked up for so many years.  I just
got
> the addresses for prisons in Sweden. I must say they look a lot
> nicer--and conducive to recovery-- than the expensive psych hospital
> where I did a four year term. My husband had a Mafia friend who spent
> four years at Sing Sing and we used to compare notes.

From V, who I now call Valerie,

> High is good!  Kids are naturally high.  Maybe you're just returning
> to
> the exuberance of your childhood.  YEA!!!!!!!!!  Valerie

During the intense detox period people are like to feel an unusual
'high' after releasing and redirecting anger. This is from excess
noradrenaline that is released, and is the same kind of manicky high the
boys at Littleton got while shooting up people.  This manicky high will
diminish and not be there post flood. I probably have a bit of old anger
in me about the psych hospitals and the abuse I received in them, so I
get a bit of a high when I slap a stamp on a letter to a prison. But
there is a general feeling of sustained high or happy or joy post-flood,
only it's not manicky. And you're so right it's the exuberance of
childhood. Yea!! It's fun and I am very much like a little kid.
Ellie

>



--

I spent over 60 years in relationships, either living with someone or
married, and was desperately lonely. Since post-flood and for the first
time, I've been living alone and NEVER feel lonely--not to say it is
best to live alone, but if this is what happens for some of us, there
will be no loneliness.
Ellie

Dear Ellie,
its going to be another short one tonight, I seem to have exhausted
myself
with all the emotions that have come up. I do however feel it necessary
to
write to you tonight..its my hope that my necessity to write to you will
not
be misinterpreted as me being dependent on you..
I saw where you have posted me, and have assigned me the ghost name of
patsy... I"m a huge patsy cline fan... < g >
I thank the God that brought you and your information into my life....
Patsy

You cannot possibly get dependent on me. In my opinion you are getting
dependent on God (becoming God) who is healing you.
Ellie



--

>From Frank,

> Dear Ellie
> I am just gradually learning how useful this tool can be as well. Last
>
> week, I set aside the entire week, just to work on some issues and get
> out
> some anger. I not only found my repressed anger against my mom, but
> worked
> at it so effectively, I really understand where the term "flood" comes
>
> from. I mean, I was RAGING MAD. I had to stop every other minute
> because I
> was out of breath, and then went at it again until I could find no
> more
> anger or I was so tired I simply could not continue. I have sores cuts
> and
> blisters on my hands from all the beating I did. And you now,
> yesterday I
> couldn't find any more anger. The emotions were still lingering a
> little,
> but the anger was simply gone. I think I have at least some anger left
> that
> I will get out little by little, but by and large, there really came
> forth
> a flood. I still have to see whether all this raging did me any good,
> but I
> suspect it did. I will find out in the next one or two weeks...
> Love, F

Yes, the flood analogy is physiologically accurate, and when the major
flood was gone, I found during the muddy basin period of about a year,
anger continued to come out as you say "little by little"--some anger
related to early abusers was mixed in with anger in current
interactions. Now when someone makes me angry, it is mild and there is
no anger related to my parents or other earlier abusers.
Ellie

>
>
>
>



--

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Ellie-It is time for an update from me.  I have continued to mentally
redirect and connect the "bad" feelings( includes any feelings of
becoming
small, vulnerable, feeling less than, feeling abandoned, alone, stupid
or
ugly-- to name a few of my common demons) as soon as I recognize their
presence--which is pretty much within seconds to minutes only.  Since I
usually feel "small" around other people I do this mentally even in
meetings
at work.  It levels out my low mood within minutes of doing it so that I
am
once again able to be in the present and pay attention to what is
happening
in the now.  My lingering depression which lasted for almost a yr. is
pretty
much lifted.  I still have feelings of inadequacy.  Where they are due
to a
lack in education I am taking classes.  When they are a result of old
messages and abuse I redirect as soon as they get my attn. It works!!
It
seems like such a simple thing now that I have gotten into the
"habit"--and I
am feeling so much better.  the beating on the bed didn't work for me.
Instead i am in  a cycling class with pumping, aggressive, outrageous
music
and as I am cycling like a madwoman I am imagining my strength at
decimating
my  tormentors .  It is very physical and I feel so released.  Their
faces
appear less and less.  As for the diet, I eat any and everything in
moderation and am curious if I will actually want to eat processed foods

less.  My cravings seem to fluctuate more with my hormones than anything

else.  I don't pray or believe in god.  My best to you Ellie and your
wonderful messages.  Love
Cindy

My opinion about God is that he/she doesn't need to us to believe in
him, he believes in us and IS us.  In fact I think the Hindus were right
when they said of the big bang, that, 'God created matter out of
himself.' We are God. Thanks for the exercise tip. I hope this will be a
useful means for people in prisons. I find am not attracted to processed
food. In fact I recently made the mistake of trying some cheese made
from raw milk, and I'm now having detox symptoms, slight fever and
headaches. I find cooked and processed foods, and milk products toxic
for me.
Ellie



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How true about misdirected anger-- it is
an unconscious process and no wonder people have no remorse--the anger
is justifiable even if misdirected. Jesus said 'forgive them, they know
not what they do' and no wonder God put a mark on Cain that no one
should harm him.

I keep forgetting to add that this doesn't mean we shouldn't have our
anger at the perpetrators. I was very distraught hearing that some
religious leaders went into Oaklahoma City and told people to 'forgive'
before they could have their justifiable anger.
Ellie

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Another thought about sin and innocence. One definition of innocence is
'not knowing' or 'unawareness'. How true about misdirected anger-- it is
an unconscious process and no wonder people have no remorse--the anger
is justifiable even if misdirected. Jesus said 'forgive them, they know
not what they do' and no wonder God put a mark on Cain that no one
should harm him.

John Speyrer has kindly put some of your testimonials on the Primal
Psychotherapy Page
   http://home.att.net/~jspeyrer/
There is a wealth of information on this page. A primal is a detox
crisis and the most healing primals or detox crises are those during
which anger is redireted. If you think about the primal scream--a scream
is the first angry communication of a newborn child and a part of the
God given fight or flight reaction. It is the suppression of this
response that is the cause of our emotional pain. I was listening to the
Dionne quintuplets (if you are old enough to remember them), who were
isolated from the world and abused as children. A reporter asked them,
"What was it like when they finally let you out into society?": One of
them replied. "We didn't know how to defend ourselves"

Another good site is Aletha Solter's. if you have young children. Her
book Tears and Tantrums is a great source of help.
http://www.awareparenting.com/

Ellie

From T
I realised today at Church - as we were talking the other day on another

list, sin could have meant ignorance in the first place - Sin is the
Unspoken. The unspoken is what kills our souls. And Jesus said sin
equals to
death. And Speech is Healing. The Unspoken was what ripped off the
meaning
of the world, what made us feel alien, powerless, hopeless, helpless.
Sin
was Ignorance, and wisdom stems from the Word. Makes sense to me now
what He
meant. If you speak your truth and someone's there to listen, and if the

people you meet on earth do this too, you end up a humane human being.
Case
closed.

I feel reborn.
T

Thank you T, and we on this list have the courage to speak the truth,
and Jesus spoke it in Matthew 10:35-36 when he said: "For I am come to
set a man at varianace against his father, and the daughter against her
mother...And a man' foes shall be they of his own household." And this
is what we have to do to recover, become at variance, not with the souls
of our parents, but with their disease and have our justifiable anger,
and redirect it toward them rather than toward ourselves in suicidal
thought or toward others in agressive action. And Jesus said "He that
hath ears to hear, let him hear" and you and others have heard and
Spoken as you say--Speech is Healing.

And also the New Testament word for sin is 'hamartia,' and archery term
meaning 'to miss the mark' and when we misdirect anger...through the
Wrong Neurons to ourselves or others we then sin, but the anger is
justifiable, and we are INNOCENT. It is a physiological process that
goes on unconsciously. The light is when we know that we can heal just
by redirecting it. And I'll bet the truth is in all the spiritual
literature, not just the Bible.

Ellie

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Re: Speed of recovery. Becoming post-flood in a few months depends on
how persistent one is in releasing and redirecting anger during
excitatory nervous symptoms.  Here is T's questoinnaire. Notice the
answer to the question of-- If you are not near a bed how often do you
redirect anger.

                Date of birth  9.9.1965              Male
> Female YES
> On what date did you begin the self-help measures in the article The
> Biology of Emotions 1.4.99  Note: this is European ie April 1, 00
>
> Do you pound on a bed and redirect anger while thinking of past
abusers
> once a day     three times a day           more often   LESS OFTEN
(once a week)
> If you are not near a bed do you mentally redirect anger toward
abusers
> once a day                three times a day           more often ALL
THE TIME
> Do you attend 12-step meetings. NO
> Do you attend Adult Children of Alcoholics. NO
> Do you use other self-help
> measures. NUTRITION AS IN THE ARTICLE
> Are you in therapy. YES
> Do you take antidepressants. NO
> Do you take tranquilizers. NO
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

>
> When did you begin to notice the following most of the time.
>
> Anger when intense is easily redirected mentally toward past abusers.
15.5.99
> Feel ‘high’ after releasing anger, followed by depression or a
drug-like
> sleep. AT ONCE 1.4.99
> Frequent headaches, sweating, or fever. 15.4.99
> Intense feelings of grief and crying. 1.5.99
> Pounded on the bed less often. 1.5.99
> Mood swings less intense and less often. 1.6.99
> Cry easily, but mostly for others. 1.5.99
> Laugh easily--enjoy comedy rather than violent movies or TV shows.
ALWAYS HAVE
> Anger is not intense and is mostly about current situations. 20.6.99
> Have fewer resentments. 15.6.99
> Feel guilty less often. 15.4.99
> Feel friendly and interested in people, even strangers. 15.5.99
> Enjoy people but feel content alone. 1.6.99
> Feel a bit isolated in an unreal world. ALWAYS HAVE
> No longer think or act compulsively. 15.6.99
> Work and study efficiently, concentration and memory good. GETTING
BETTER
> If plans don’t work out, can find something else to do. 1.5.99
> Fall asleep more easily and no longer have a heavy drug-like sleep.
20.6.99
> Have fewer scary dreams. 20.6.99
> Can flash back to childhood events, even traumatic ones, without
> emotional pain. 20.6.99
> Have fewer needs and find life is simpler with less need for activity.
15.5.99
> Relationships with parents are smoother. THEY GET SCARCIER
> Posture is relaxed. 1.6.99
> Changed to a more natural diet. SLOWLY SETTING IN
> Have fewer colds and other acute disorders. NONE SINCE 1.4.99
> Stopped medication. DID NOT NEED ONE
> Stopped therapy. PLAN TO STOP IN JULY
> On what date would you say you identified with—not all—but most of
> these. ABOUT 15.6.99









--

Cooking and processing food changes nutrients into some toxic substances
that the body and brain cannot use. Some of these get into the
hypothalamus, which is not protected by the blood brain barrier. This
means these substances can clog up neurons, and if they do they may
cause us not to feel anger when appropriate.. Not feeling and releasing
the anger could cause even more clogging of neurons, and symptoms could
re-appear, probably not intense but some mild nervous symptoms.  This is
why I prefer raw food. I still get some headaches and fever probably
from toxins in food or the environment. Also it's cooked fat that is the
bad guy. Raw fat is very good for the brain. I eat raw animal fat,
including raw egg yolks, but if you're not into that, it might be good
not to overcook fat but include it in your diet. David Horrobin has also
had good results the vegetable fat, like primrose oil.
Ellie

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From Fr.
Your description of how toxcicity is generated and purged is compelling.

Your references to Alice Miller, whose works I read early in my
recovery,
grabbed my attention. I have the perception that many people have
trouble
dealing with what she says, one reason perhaps why she's not referred to
as
often in recovery circles. I put her up there in the pantheon of
humanity's
heros, along with Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob, Lois, Ghandi, Norman Borlauge
and
others.

Re your theory of toxicosis: I sense that even if it were not
scientifically accurate (and I have no idea one way or the other)  it
still
might serve me as an effective model for working on my recovery. After I

read your article a number of times I became even more sensitized than I

was to episodes of anxiety or fearfulness - what you describe as
periodic
detoxification crises.  However, it had been my theory that it was fear
that stood behind the anger I would rarely encounter and that I should
work
on my fear (something I got a good start on at Caron). I am now however
"trying on" the concept that it might be more useful to see things the
other way around. I certainly am more in tune with episodes of fear and
anxiety rather than anger, so I have more opportunities to work using
those
doors. But a lot of these opportunities to process occur in places like
sitting here in the office or in other places where I can't really
pound,
yell or even talk quietly to myself. Where I could use some help is to
learn about effective creative ways you and others have found to process

such episodes in a safe appropriate way at such times. Thanks.

Dear Fr
The scientific evidence for the theory could fill a book. I'll be
putting the
original technical article on my site when it is published this fall.
The fear
is caused by excess toxic amounts of adrenaline that have clogged up
neurons
because we had to suppress our fight or flight response, and the fear is
a sign
of emerging anger, so it is about going through the fear and trying to
release
and redirect the anger at the onset of excitatory nervous symptoms.

Yes, is it difficult to do this all through the day at work, but those
who have
progressed the fastest have found ways to mentally redirect even
quietly. I and
others kept a rather persistent dialogue with parents and other early
abusers.
like fu fu prayers we call them. Whenever I felt guilt I would simple
say in my
head to my mother, Get out of my head. All of these mental exercises are
ways to
redirect the anger through the right neurons, so to speak, and this
speeds the
detox process. It is a detox of endogenous substances, much like a detox
of
drugs. Others take time to go out to the woods and yell at trees, or
even pound
on a parents grave--what ever time you have to do these things will
help. or
yell in the shower, or while riding a bike. Another person just took a
pen and jabbed it through some paper in her office. Once you get going
with this, I
think you will find your own ways. The mentally redirecting is more
important
than the pounding on the bed, although that helps a lot.

Caron was great. It was there that I learned the sculptures, and that is
what I
did in my mind, conjure up a sculpture. The two parts of this discovery
that are
so exciting and that speed the process are 1) It's not necessary to
remember or
re-experience all the childhood trauma. What's important is to have a
list of
all subsequent abusive relationships and to redirect anger to them all,
teachers? doctors? clergy? bosses? and 2) Recognizing excitatory
symptoms,
especially fear, as signals of a detox crisis and releasing and
redirecting
during them speeds up the process.

Ellie
-------------

--


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http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579

V wrote:
> As a matter of fact, I had a cleansing today.  You seem to have a
> catalytic effect on me, and after reading your recent letters last
night
> I woke up in a rage about an e-mail list who had abused me when I
first
> got online.  So the first thing I did after letting the rage roll
around
> inside of me was I got up and started writing them a letter.  In my
> letter I was telling them I was now back on their list and how much
they
> had hurt me and that if they tried to kick sand in my face again I had

> gone to the Charles Atlas school of net bashing and I was going to
hurt
> them back.  Then I started screaming at my father and taking the end
of
> my ballpoint pen and jabbing it into the tablet I was writing on and
> stabbing "him."  Then I wrote about my feelings.  Then I started
> screaming at God who, frankly, I blame the most because He created it.

>
> I finally told God that I loved him, but I didn't trust Him one bit.
I
> don't trust anyone not to hurt me, even inadvertantly.  Then I spent
> some time looking into the mirror and loving myself.  It was quite a
> morning.

Dear V
I am in tears of joy reading this, not for your pain, but for your
victory. It
will help to heal you and bring you to the land of peace and joy where
you will
never allow anyone to hurt you again. Our notions of God are stored
together with
our notions of our parents, so when you are getting mad at God (that
notion of God
stored in our brains) you are releasing toxins and healing. The real God
in my
opinion is that nerve energy trying to get through--an angry God who
wants us to
have our anger at all past abusers, especially our parents, and heal. I
still get
mad at the real God sometimes and tell him to get his act together.
Ellie
>

Hello,
One of you mentioned that feeling better is 'subtle.' I found this so
true and I believe it is because 'normal' is not 'high.' During my
several months of using the self-help measures I experienced mood
swings, with 'highs' after an intense detox crisis and then depression.
This 'high' is due to the sudden release of stored up excess
noradrenaline. It is the same 'high' as from antidepressants. I recall
thinking, ah , this is wonderful-- the way I should be, but not so. This
is why when people recognize the detox crises (the excitatory symptoms)
and release and redirect anger as often as possible, they are usually
able to let go of the antidepressant. After a while the moods swings are
less intense because there is less excess toxic noradrenaline that has
to be released. Feeling better is when the mood swings are gone and
there are neither highs nor lows. This is  the way we were born, not to
be 'high' but to be peaceful and with emotions aroused when appropriate.

Ellie

The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579

Hi,
If anyone would like to read a long version of C's story, please e-mail
me.
Ellie

The Biology of Emotions article is on:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579