More on the subject of forming relationships post flood.

I have this idea that my purpose in life will be to have a dating service
for post flood people. This is why I started the second group, which is
interactive and some of you have joined when you became post flood. There
are only a handful on it now, and no one shares anything.

But I hope someday there will be twenty million people on it and they will
share where they live, so they can meet with each other.
Ellie

Ellie,

 

They say things come in 3's but these past few months, I have had

several things that have made me, well...very angry. I have so much

cumulative anger in me at the people who have caused this anger that I

cannot even bring myself to pound the bed, etc. like I was doing before

this streak came on. I am just filled with so much "current" rage at

things it is like I am frozen and don't even want to bother taking my

little tool that I use to safely pound things with and get the anger

out. And you would think just the opposite since right now I am filled

with more anger than normal. I can't understand why this "frozen state"

of not wanting to express the anger. I keep thinking it won't help

because I am so angry. Yet when I started out doing RST when I was not

angry with all the current real life stuff, I was getting results. What

has happened? Why am I not willing to act now on the "fresh anger"? I

am all bottled up. S.

 

When you say "I keep thinking it won't help," it sounds like you are experiencing some depression at the same time. The detox process is not cut and dried, and you may be experiencing many types of symptoms at the same time. I notice in your subject line, you probably meant to write "So angry I can't do the RST" But you wrote "I can" and you can! Just try to tell yourself when your feel the rage coming up that it's time to redirect it and if you can't do it physically, do it mentally. And don't worry too much about this frozen state. You will get new opportunites to redirect. You know what to do now, and your body will guide you.

 

It was the first week in May this year when I found your website, so its now over 2 months that I been redirecting anger. What I found was that there where underlying emotions which I felt peeling away each week. From feeling of guilt, then rejection to anger. Now the only emotions I feel are feelings of hurt, real emotional pain like a stab wound through the heart.

 

Now that I got free from the main negative emotions, I feel I have reached the root, the real emotional pain that has caused all these other negative emotions. Can you relate to this stage ? and can you tell me what follows. I don't yet feal any positive emotions, such as happyness just emotional numbness or pain. How long before I start to feel normal emotions ?

 

You are not going to feel emotions of happiness in the sense of feeling euphoric or "high." Those were due to the release of excess noradrenaline. What you should have is a sustainable peace of mind. When you are stressed in current situations by someone's abusive behavior, even if mild, you will use the RST to get your anger out either in private or by calmly confronting the person. This will bring you a quiet mind. Your normal emotions are primarily anger and feelings of grief, sadness.  This is what normalcy is.

 

The feeling of hurt may be a signal for more repressed anger to come out.

 

Hi, Ellie:

question: let's say I'm in bed, late at night, waiting to fall asleep.

No bad feelings, no fear, no anxiety (maybe a little), no depression(maybe mild). Do I have to wait for a symptom to connect to the anger, or can I call the anger when I feel "not that bad" to speed the detox process?  A

 

By all means, you can try to do some redirecting even when you don't have intense symptoms. Detox symptoms consist of many detox crises in individual neurons and are going on all the time, even when you don't feel the symptoms intensely. I emphacize doing the RST during sympotms because this accelerates the detox most efficiently. Pound on the bed for a while. If you have trouble falling asleep, it may or may not help, but it will help the detox process.

 

 

 

It's strange but maybe not so.  I had to be alone to find my real self.

The urge to "belong" caused me to emulate those I admire.  I suppose we

all incorporate bits and pieces of others into ourselves. My

Environmental Illness intolerance  restricted my exposure to social

gatherings, stores and even magazines.  Left to my own resources I

reverted to the stark but dramatic taste I had while a student at New

York's Parsons School of design in the late 1940's.  As a result and

because of  my restrictions to cotton clothing, I have a small but

interchangeable wardrobe of washable items that always look crisp and

well coordinated.  They are mostly black and white with a few pinks and

yellows and some unusual scarves and the only two pieces of jewelry I

can tolerate, a silver pear pendant and a hollow diamond heart locket.

I can't wear chains and use a gold neck wire for either piece.

 

My home furnishings are equally simple but quite smart; a few pieces

designed by T. Robsjohn Gibbings in the 1940's, a 200 year old apricot

pisne armoire from Austria and some countrified accessories with a drop

of Art deco in the mix.

 

It all makes me feel like the early and original me, sprouting

creativeness and implicity from the age of sixteen.

 

Bring alone also hlped me identify my opinions and viewpoints and

express them clearly.  Now that I have clean surroundings, pure food, an

active body and selective interests and hobbies, I see a clearer picture

of just who I am.

 

This is a true benefit of detoxification. D

 

Hi,

 

Thank you for your e-mails! It is still early to

believe that the therapy works, but I feel some

improvements.

In coming days I am going to translate your pamphlet,

The Biology of Emotion, into Albanian language. This I

owe to you and many others who are trying  to get rid

of their traumatic past. Thank you, M

 

Thank you. It would bring the number of languages for the article up to 25. I am so grateful to all of you who are helping to pass this on.

 

Hi,

 

I am currently experiencing a reoccurrence of

depression and anxiety mood. The first episodes have

been 15 years ago when I was at high school. You are

completely right that the cause of all this is the

repressed anger which we (I) feel toward our (my)

parents as well to other persons. I do admit that I

have an immense suppressed anger toward my parents,

even toward a teacher in high school (outside of USA)

who beat me once for no reason at all. I feel so much

anger and if I can know how to redirect it I would be

once again at peace.  M

 

I hope the articles will give you all you need to use the RST. We have many past abusers besides  parents, but try to focus first on redirecting to your parents.

Ellie

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just denied access to all pending members in the Post Flood group
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/depression-conquered)
Sorry, if some of you are post flood and wanted to join, you are of course
welcome. I wasn't sure who these pending members were. If you are post
flood and want to join, please reply to this and tell me who you are.


Stay well,  Ellie
Redirecting Self-Therapy for Anxiety and Depression
http://www.clearpathway.net

> Beating is inappropriate punishment for the things you did. It would seem
appropriate to be very angry. C.

It's not only appropriate, it's essential, and will bring you healing.
Ellie

Support for D who was beaten.

> I am so sorry for all the beatings your father gave you and sorry that
your
> mom didn't, at least try ,to do something about it. There are way too
many
> parents out there who don't know how to raise a child.Again, I am
sorry!~~~~~~~~~R

Hope you can get to your anger D. No child should ever be beaten. No matter
how you may have misbehaved, it was always an unconscious attempt to get
your justifiable anger out. Start redirecting. Get mad....Even if you just
get mad at your symptoms, get mad....Pound the bed and start getting that
repressed anger out.
Ellie
>



Stay well,  Ellie
Redirecting Self-Therapy for Anxiety and Depression
http://www.clearpathway.net

> Dear Ellie,
>
> I'm writing to keep you posted about my progress.
>
> Tomorrow will be one week since I found your site/system. (Uau, it seems
to be
> much longer, anyhow...).
>
> Well, all I can say so far is: IT WORKS, if you practice it, of course.
> I feel in the position to say that, because in the last 14 years or so,
I've
> been involved with most therapeutic system out there, from traditional
> psychology, to NLP, hypnosys and metaphysics.
>
> I'm not putting any of these systems down, they helped me to survive so
far,
> but, RST works and it works.
>
> Since last saturday, My thinking has been much clearer, I feel relaxed
95% of
> the time, when before I was strugling to be relaxed and out of depression
5% of
> times! I have a new outlook in life, my creativity seems to be flowing
better
> and I had a boost in my self-confidence, it seems that even women are
looking at
> me differently (don't let my wife know that, please). Thinking back, I
must have
> been VERYYYYYY intoxicated. I literally feel like a heavy weight is
lifting from
> my back, heart and head.
>
> On Independence day we went to a barbecue at a friend's place. The
following day
> his wife told my wife that they perceived me as much happier, open,
sociable and
> pleasuring to be around, and they know me for 13 years! What is that for a
> "metamorphosis"?
>
> I might be wrong, but it seems that when you do RST, and get rid of all
that
> supressed negative feelings, you really become yourself, and not a mirror
of
> your parents' behavior, right? Now I seem to like me for what I am and to
be
> proud of me, i'm loving my body even more. Even when looking at the
mirror I
> seem to be looking at a different person.
>
> It seems that RST heals much more than just deppression/anxiety, to me,
for what
> I have studied for several years, it seems to really clean your
subconscious
> mind and the false mask of the ego, which inherited most behaviours from
the
> past. I would be pleased if you could comment on that possibility, Ellie.
W.

Yes, the RST will clear your mind, conscious and subconscious, and the old
behaviors will be gone. Don't be discouraged if you have some down cycles,
and increased mood swings for a while. The sudden self-esteem is due to
excess noradrenaline that is released during detox crises, and you may not
feel it on a steady basis until you are post flood.

Keep redirecting.
Ellie

Ellie
Redirecting Self-Therapy for Anxiety and Depression
http://www.clearpathway.net

Hi Ellie,

I do yard work for about 4-5 hours per day- as I'm pulling weeds or exerting myself, is that when I think about my parents/past abusers- if so, how do I refer to them in my thoughts? Or, do I not think of them, and just do the work?

I seem to be improving by doing the physical exercise. However I am not improving in my gratefulness and love towards my parents, and this really bothers me.

Help!

Hi, sounds like a great time to get some anger out. Definitely think about them when you yank out those weeds. Maybe pretend you're yanking out their hair, and get mad!

Don't worry about feelings of love and gratitude now. This is "a time to hate." Only months from now when all your repressed anger is out, will you have love and gratitude on a sustained basis.

Ellie

Dear Ellie,
I don´t know what to do. I was prescribed antidepressants for depression and anxiety (Effexor xr) but never took them. Then I came across your article and decided to give it a try. But it is really, really hard to feel the anger. I tried the letters to my parents and the pounding on the bed, but I feel I´m pretending. Yet, I insisted. After a few lukewarm, forced tantrums, I entered this apathic, sleepy stage in which I am now. I have only one exam left to finish my studies (Industrial Engineering) but I am totally unable to sit down and get the books. I have no job, I haven´t had a boyfriend in the last 10 years. I eat all kinds of junk foods and I am clueless about how to quit them. Maybe you have a piece of advice for me?
Thanks for listening (reading :-)
A.

 

Hi, You are doing it right. That sleepy apathetic stage is just a down cycle, and will be temporary. Your mood swings will intenisfy for a while.

Keep it up the way you are doing it. Put a sign on the refrig, "It will lift" to remind you when you feel down.  Don't worry about getting a boyfriend right now. And try to do the studying, not when you are depressed, but after doing some redirecting, or in the early AM

Do some redirecting when you crave the junk food. If you go ahead and have it, and feel guilty, do some more redirecting.

Stay well,

Ellie

Ellie,
An article in the NYT today on classes for anger.  The author wanders
cluelessly with this.  I left a message directing readers to your site.
Hopefully, people will get it someday. D

Thank you. I'm afraid the NYT leans toward traditional psychiatry and a drug
approach. I sent my sci paper to their Tues Science section. I had a
response asking me where I was headed with this, which was an absurd
question, but then heard no more.

They may even have contacted my dept. head for verification of my
credentials. My dept head at the same time sent me a letter with threat of
legal action if I did not take my article off the NYU website. Of course he
had no authority over that. I confronted him and heard no more.

Denial is a powerful adversary to the truth.
Ellie

 

Hi Ellie,

More to stay on parents.  I know it is not easy to understand.  It is nonetheless ever so freeing when I finally gave up the neediness from parents that were not able to love the way I needed to be loved.  It is called forgiveness.  This is a gift we all have within and in time it will become real to you as you continue to work through all the anger.  Forgiveness is not for the parent that abused you.  Forgiveness is ultimately for you.  It "allows" you to be free of all the anger holding you back from who you are. Hum?  How can I really explain this with a define clarity. 

My own experience may help to understand.  The relationship I had with my mother was very toxic.  We had what I called my daily bashing session.  We talked everyday on the phone.  "We" put me down together.  Yes, I joined in the jokes about me too.  This of course finally came to an end.  I told her I do not talk about myself this way any more.  It took years to really let go of the relationship.  After all it was all I had known and it was the only way to have a relationship with her.  However, the pain of always being the butt of her sarcasm was enough and this too wasn't the relationship "I wanted with my mother."  What if my mother never called me again?  This was the fear and anger I lived in for a while. I couldn't understand why my mother didn't see me as a woman with talent or wonderful.  This too was part of the acceptance and forgiveness.  Sorry to say it ! didn't turn out to be the fantasy relationship with my mother. No big revelation came to my mother.   My biggest fear had come true. She doesn't call me any more.  She is too busy to talk to me.  Yet, it was not as horrible as I thought it would be.  As I worked the RST and began to stand in my own truth I let go of the hurt, hate, fear and anger.  I am able to forgive my mother and understand her.  I can love her any way... Her criticism is not about me.  It is about her.  I forgive her and love her any way.  I will not have the "let's go shopping and have lunch" relationship with my mother.   I do not have expectations from her any more.  I have accepted the painful reality of the mother daughter relationship I have with her.  To say it doesn't hurt from time to time would be a lie.  Oh, it hurts but not nearly as it use too.  When the pain becomes too much... it is time ! to redirect... and let go.  Then the process of forgiveness begins again and I am free to love me and care about me.  

    I can say the relationship did change for the better. I hope this gives a little more light on what Ellie is trying to say.  It is the redirecting that comes to mind when someone in the world is putting me down.  Who am I redirecting at?  Heee heee.  It all comes together in time and work.  I can honestly say Life is so much better to start it with great affirmations and believe them... then a day of cutting me to shreds.

Thanks, Ellie  S.

 

Thank you! You are an inspiration, as is everyone who joins this group and has the courage to go through the feelings, get the anger out, and reach this point of true forgiveness.

Hi Ellie,

               I've been following the last few e-mail about parents and I just want to add as a post-flood person (or I should say a person who has been doing the RST for about 7 months) that I still have no real interest in developing a relationship with my parents. I cant say that my relationship with them was that abusive just that they were emotionally  very disconnected from themselves and with us and that they drank  a lot. They were not  full blown alcoholics but I think it was a way that they medicated themselves so that they didnt have to feel or face their feelings. We were also denied the right to have our anger. While I can understand that this was also the way they were taught, it is still hard to have a close relationship with people who cannot or will not be real. Part of the ability to be real includes honest emotions. Sometimes I still feel som! e anger towards them because I feel that I never really had the love and concern that real parents can give their children. I envy people who have or had that. I realize that it probably wont change. I still have some conflict with my siblings because of the way I feel and most of them are still trying to get what they missed and are still missing from our  parents. I make them angry because I tell the truth about them.Some of my brothers and sisters even deny that my parents drank or that they had a problem with alcohol. Some are alcoholics or have married alcoholics. I am still amazed at the abilities we all have to remain in denial. Its hard and I admit that their are ways that I am still in denial also. I get into trouble when I begin to wish that things could or should be different instead of facing and accepting what is true and dealing with it. That includes admitting my anger over it. It remains to be seen what may change over the next few months, I find that it i! s definitely important to continue redirecting, in fact I really need to check in with myself at the end of the day and see if I stuffed any anger as my habit of repressing  has been going on for 48 years. I think it may take awhile to really be aware of my true feelings. This is the only process that I have tried that has caused lasting and real changes for me and I am very grateful.  C

 

I appreciate your sharing this, and I hope the group understands that when I mention that relationships with parents may be friendly, I am not suggesting re-engaging with them if they are not open to recovery for themsevles. I see rejection of parents by children as an act of tough love. I used to fly out to visit my 98 yr old aunt (a mother substitute for me who was codependent with me) 5-6 times a year at her retirement home, and it was not healthy for me or her. The best thing I did for her was to stop visiting, and now she relies on the people there. We have a friendly phone relationship. My own parents are long gone, but since I have released all my anger toward them, I do feel a sense of love and understanding for them.

 

There are some parents in this group whose children have confronted them, and they are using the RST. In these cases friendly relationships can certainly be restored.